Pram as a designated napping location

[LackingCommonSense]

MIL looks after DS one day a week at SILs house as she also looks after his toddler cousin. Until now he's slept in cousins cot. SIL got rid of the cot on the weekend and assumed it would be fine for DS to nap in the pram. DS doesn't sleep particularly well in a pram, and will only sleep while on the move in our experience, waking as soon as we stop resulting in some crap napping.

DH and I are pretty peeved that such little consideration has been given. Would you be? Or are we over reacting?

(if I'm honest, this is the latest in a long line of similar situations which are making us feel that DS is way down the pecking order all the time)

Grateful of your thoughts..

How old is D's?

9.5mo

He's not way down the pecking order if MIL looks after him one day every week, surely? Or are you talking about SIL's pecking order?

I'd be kind of irritated to have to keep a cot that's in the way of my toddler getting a big boy bed, and a climbing hazard for said toddler, tbh.

It's a short term thing. Soon your ds will be running all over the house with his cousin and playing with all his toys. It's probably better that way than you asking MIL and SIL to move the childcare arrangement to yours? It would probably be quite boring for a toddler who is used to access to lots of toys to spend full days in a baby house for the sake of a nap?

MIL and SIL may have had babies that napped in prams all the time (fairly common tbh) and didn't think you would find it unreasonable?

I agree it would be unreasonable of us to expect her to keep the cot, and wouldn't expect her to but it's the assumption that DS will have to fit to what her kids do all the time that's bugging us I think.

It's probably symptomatic of the bigger picture tbh..

Basically, she's had MIL's undivided full time child support for the past 5 years and since DS has come into the mix, there's been no flexibility or compromise on her part. I've had to swap and change days in work to accommodate, DH has had to put in special requests for shifts, we've had meltdowns at bedtime and crap overnight sleep due to poor napping during the day there. There doesn't appear to be any willingness to try come to an agreement where we're all happy.

So I'm not sure this really belongs in the sleep section....! lol

one day a week? pram is fine. no nap I'd also deal with for the sake of free childcare. duvet nest on the floor another option?

Could you send a travel cot?

you could provide her with a travel cot for use when she is looking after him

With the example given and no wider context yabu.

You can't expect someone to keep a cot at their house solely so your baby can nap in it once a week or keep a toddler in a cot because of this one nap.

Can you not use a bed or sofa? My dcs don't have a pram so napping not on me when out has often been done on friends sofas etc.

Can you ask them to keep the cot mattress under their toddlers bed and pull it out maybe?

Maybe make some more secure paid childcare arrangements if the free stuff doesn't work for you and your work schedule?

It would be nice if this pre-existing arrangement between your mil and SIL was a bit more flexible, but they have obviously been happily running it like this for 5 years. I'm guessing it's dh's mum and sis? I don't get it, but there are folk that believe a closer connection between mothers and daughters. Maybe MIL assumes her son doesn't need her as much and you are capable of sorting yourselves out?

Tbh, little kids do come with a huge amount of faffing about with work shifts and cooperation, even with paid childcare. It's the nature of the beast.

It might be your dissatisfaction with what she is offering that means she is less inclined to compromise?

Either way, she isn't holding ds hostage. You are free to employ a child minder with a cot for one day a week if it makes your life easier.

We're going to buy a travel cot now. I wouldn't expect her to keep the cot for the sake of one day a week, but then we don't think it's fair to make a pram his permanent sleeping place whenever he's there?

It's DH's Mum and his SIL. MIL has felt put upon during those 5yrs and agrees there could be at least some compromise but wants to please everyone and see all her grandchildren. We're thinking of threatening an extra day in nursery, but it would be unfair on MIL then too.

Your poor MIL. Of course you can't expect your SIL to keep the cot. I don't see how threatening an extra day in nursery is going to benefit you when all you need to do is buy a travel cot. Why make an issue out of something so small?

It wouldn't be because of this issue specifically, but due to a culmination of things!

I find it difficult because I know if the situation was on my side, my mother would do her utmost to ensure there's fairness and compromise where needed, but because it's DH's family, I don't feel I can say anything.

My DD started napping in a pushchair when she started at the childminders 2 days a week aged 11 months. Initially I was a bit but since then she's napped brilliantly - up to 3 hours at times! I think she feels really cosy and secure in it. Once I put her in it she's asleep within a minute - no pushing or rocking. Now aged 14 months I still put her in it for naps at home too. She sleeps really well in her cot at nighttime though.

Is there any reason why MIL couldn't look after your DS and cousin at your house?

Possibly there are other things that are annoying you but you'd be unreasonable to expect your SIL to hang onto a cot for your DS to sleep in kind day a week.

As you're getting a travel cot this shouldn't be a problem now.

Travel cot sounds like a good option. I've just bought one which doubles up as an outdoor play tent with uv protection to take on our hols and use on hot summer days as well.

I can understand you feeling low on the pecking order generally - I'm in exactly the same situation and we're def not the priority and have to fit around their plans if we want any support. It's hard not to take it to heart.