Really need help, don't know where to begin :-(

[therealeasterbunny]

I have a 16 month old son, who doesn't like sleep, and I just don't know what to do about it. He has never had naps, not since he was newborn. People think I am lying when I say this, but I am genuinely telling the truth when I say that since he was about 4 months old, 90% of the time he is awake for 14 hours straight. I have tried, so so so hard to get him to nap, but he won't. Most peoples babies just seem to pass out with exhaustion if they are denied their regular naps, but not my DS, he just keeps going and going and going. I know this is bad for his mental development, but I literally have no idea how to make him sleep if he won't? I know that people are only trying to be helpful, but I am getting so sick of all the comments from people, 'I've got to be honest, i've been very firm about naps and sleep since day 1' - I have tried being firm, nice, calm, everything, nothing works! 'Have you tried warm milk/dark room/car journey/a nice walk in his pushchair?' Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes! I don't know what to do, I am worried that this is bad for him long term?

He will not sleep in a cot, I gave up on this a long time ago and decided that I was fighting a losing battle. I work full time and don't have the energy or inclination to fight him over where he sleeps, so he sleeps with me every night. This is fine, as I miss him so much while i'm working, so the closeness at night is lovely, but I worry that this really isn't helping the sleep issues? He used to go to sleep between 7 & 8pm and as long as I was lying with him while he fell asleep then he would go to sleep with a relatively small battle. However, over the last 4 months, he has got worse and worse, to the point where most evenings he is awake until 10 or 11pm, and spends the evening inconsolably screaming at me for trying to put him to bed. He even gets really aggressive and scratches my face, hits me, kicks me, anything to get me to take him back downstairs again, which I refuse to do. Sometimes bedtimes take 2-3 hours.

I'm just so confused. I don't know where i've gone wrong? We tried a strict routine, we even (very very briefly) tried CC, but it just isn't for me and I couldn't do it. If he goes to bed at 10pm, wakes up at 8am, then is awake for 14 hours straight, why is he not passed out somewhere by 10pm again?! My friends babies all go to bed at around 7:30- how do you do it?! The lighter evenings has made things a millions times worse as if I dare to take him upstairs when it is still light, he goes mad!

Please help me! Or if you have a child who also refuses naps and sleep then please tell me i'm not alone!

Anyone?

I'm sure some posters will come along with some good suggestions, but didn't want to read and run.

DS was a terrible sleeper. Bedtimes were stressful, he would get up frequently in the night, terrible napping etc.

I'm not sure we ever came up with a great solution to bedtime but when he woke up in the night we let him come into our bed and sleep for a good couple of years.

Bedtimes got a bit better when he transferred from cot to cotbed and he suddenly started sleeping better through the night when he transferred to a full size single (age 4). Until he started school he didn't go to bed until around 9, and we were often dealing with meltdowns past that.

So, no helpful suggestions, but I just wanted to say that all those years of nighttime battles haven't done him any harm and now age 5 he sleeps from 8pm - 7pm.

I too got loads of 'helpful' advice which made me scream, but for a few years I went for whatever option allowed us all to get some sleep and waited till he was older and we could talk to him about staying in bed etc.

Good luck. I hope you get some helpful advice!

Just bumping. Don't have any advice just lots of sympathy.

Have you spoken with a doctor? Is he hitting his milestones? It sounds so unique a situation I'm not sure what to say.

Thank you for your replies I posted this in chat as I wasn't sure if anyone would see it here, so have had some suggestions there which is good.

It is nice to hear that after a few difficult sleep years, your DS now sleeps 8pm-7am, I live for the day my DS does that! It is just so hard when you are tearing your hair out trying to think of ways to help them!

I haven't spoken to the doctor, but have spoken to HV who wasn't very helpful! He is consistently hitting milestones which is a relief, but I can't help worrying that something else is going on. A trip to the GP might be a good idea just to rule out anything potentially medical.

I've read your post and it doesn't seem like you've mentioned a sling at all. Sorry, not sure if you've tried this but as he sleeps with you at night, I'm wondering if he'd be happier close to you for naps? Good luck, it sounds terrible. You must be very patient if not very sleep deprived! I hope you have some RL support when you need a break

Unfortunately I'm at work all day and my mum has a bad back so can't put him in a sling when she has him I could try at weekends though, that might help? I should have done that when I was still on maternity leave, as you are right, it probably would have helped.

I am very lucky in that I do have a lot of rl support which I am very grateful for, I think I'd have had a nervous breakdown by now if I didn't

It's lucky that little children are so cute and loveable, otherwise mums would be very fed up indeed!

OP, it may be worth a chat with your GP, but some babies are just rubbish at sleeping!

Maybe worth doing some research on cranial osteopathy or sleep clinics if you're worried, but worth remembering that this really won't last forever! I plan to get revenge on DS for all the sleep deprivation by taking up early morning hoovering when he's a teen!

WOW - this sounds familiar! Same as my daughter at 15 months old. I think I did have nervous breakdown. But then, with some help, managed to get on top of things. It was soooo bad I set up a blog on the subject to help other mums. It talks about the things we tried to help improve it. you may be interested in reading our story - there's loads of helpful information on how to deal with it. Here's the link - mydaughterwontsleep.com/melissa/

good luck! I hope things improve soon!

Hey, just wanted to reply to say I can entirely appreciate your frustration... Our DD is now 20 months and people still ask me "why is she not sleeping though the night yet?" As if we don't want her to be sleeping or are somehow keeping her from it.

She too was a terrible napper, though I can at least say she would nap, but for no longer than 30 mins, she would scream and fight for 60 mins and then you would get 30 mins of nap for your efforts, though I appreciate reading this you would probably happily take 30 mins. All the while people also telling me they don't believe me, so this part of your post really struck a cord. It's awful, being exhausted, worried your child isn't getting enough sleep and then have people saying really helpful things. Also the 'being strict with nap" thing, grrr if we could make our children eat, sleep or anything else then parenting would be a breeze, sadly this is just not possible.

Sorry not to be offering any advice, just wanted to say I understand and I really feel for you, sorry, I know that won't really help... It is very positive that he is hitting milestones, though that doesn't help you to stop feeling utterly exhausted. I was chatting with some friends who don't have kids, sometimes it's nice as they just listen and don't say "you should do this or that" while you're thinking "tried it, tried it, tried it" anyway, one of the girls in the group told me that she only needs about 5 hours of sleep a night and remembers lying in her bed awake for hours as a kid as obviously her parents said "right, bedtime" and she was to stay in bed. This horrified me when I realised DD might be the same but it is possible that some of us just don't need that much sleep, I just wish I was one of them.