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Sleep

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Original poster

Settling a BF newborn at night...Help neefed

19 replies

newmummy470 · 14/04/2014 18:11

Can anyone offer me some tips or advice please!
My 5 week old baby who I exclusively BF just will not settle in her crib at night, which is in our bedroom.
But (no surprise) if I feed her she will fall asleep on me and of I hold her all night she sleeps a good 3 hours between feeds! I don't want to cosleep but my husband works long hours so also want to keep things quiet (as much as u can do with a newborn)
So I know she's using me for comfort. But if I was to try n settle her another way, like walking round house, how long do I try it for, how long could it take to settle her and if she keeps crying do I just give in and feed her. I hate seeing her really distressed.
This is my first baby so it's all new to me!
Any advice would be grateful.

OP posts:

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littleowl14 · 14/04/2014 21:11

congratulations!

I don't think anyone can prepare you for how much these little ones really need us. the best advice I was given and after 16 months heartily pass on is "don't worry where baby sleeps as long as they're sleeping"

a baby's brain is only 25% developed at birth. it's not fully developed till they're 3. their only communication is by crying. they evolved to cry when abandoned/ not in contact with us. to accommodate our huge brains we have our babies early so there's a theory of the 4th trimester. aka only sleeps on mummy. some do some don't, they're all so different too. a bf baby calms at the breast and feels secure there too. the more secure a baby feels the more independent they become later on. do what your gut says and remember these needy days are so fleeting, lo will be a big one and keeping you up due to teen antics before you know it!

babies don't spoil. there are no rods for backs and no bad habits.

a friend yesterday said she'd do the same again; let lo sleep on her till around 8 wks then next to her in a 'sleepyhead'. if I do it again I'll definitely cosleep from the outset. I might try the bedside cot again but I.definitely won't loose sleep over sleep like we did this time last year; just not worth it!!

enjoy your gorgeous baby

littleowl14 · 14/04/2014 21:14

read about safe cosleeping however and remember bf infants are much less affected by sids etc.

look at the Durham university ISIS online sleep lab for good info.

TheScience · 14/04/2014 21:14

Is there a reason you don't want to cosleep?

Walking round with a crying baby trying not to feed them sounds like a nightmare to me when you could be tucked up in bed asleep!

TarkaTheOtter · 14/04/2014 21:16

My ds (dc2) was just like this but by about 12 weeks he seemed to grow out of it and now I just feed to sleep then out back into his own bed. He is currently either sleeping through or having one night feed but I doubt it will last (he's 15weeks now). If you don't want to cosleep just keep trying to put him down occasionally. IME everything changes at 4 months anyway so it doesn't matter much what you do before that - just try to survive it.

Madamecastafiore · 14/04/2014 21:20

Sleepyhead was our saviour, inbetween DH and I.

cinnamongreyhound · 14/04/2014 21:21

Both mine slept in their own room from day 1, I used to take ds1 down to the sofa to feed and was lucky he settled well after a feed at night. With ds2 I got a nursing chair and sat with him in that while I fed him and once he'd fallen into a deep sleep I'd put him back in his cot. I found having a blanket over them while I fed them kept some warmth so they didn't feel instantly cold when I out them down.

It's such a contentious subject whether or not to let your baby cry and you have to decide what's best for you. Personally I didn't want to co sleep and never did but with ds2 did get to the point I felt it would have been easier but once he started sleeping through I knew it was the right thing as he slept in his own bed every night from then on.

Have you tried a grobag? Keeps them nice and snuggly and I know many people who've had great success with swaddling helping little ones settle although I never tried.

Original poster

newmummy470 · 16/04/2014 00:43

Thanks advice.
I dont want to cosleep because I'm scared she'll get too warm in our bed and I'm constantly worried she'll wriggle off. I've also got a couple of friends whose babies coslept n had terrible trouble moving them into their own bed later on, one whose 4 years old now! And I think it's important me n my husband have the bed for ourselves.
I think some of the trouble why she doesn't settle is because she brings back some of her milk when laid flat after I've fed her, which wakes her up then she doesn't know how to get back to sleep.

OP posts:

Rachie1986 · 16/04/2014 03:29

Your post about her bringing up milk when you lie her flat sounds like reflux to me.. In which case things like propping up the Moses basket/crib a little, keeping her upright for 20mins after a feed etc will all help. If it continues, seeing GP for some meds might help.

MinesAPintOfTea · 16/04/2014 04:47

How about cosleeping from first waking (following safe guidelines)? I did you'd with ds for the first few months and had no problem getting him into a cot as out just happened as he started sleeping through.

He's now nearly 2 and we're away ATM so sharing a room and his sleep is unsettled. At 3am he woke up adding for milk so came in with me for a cuddle. Before 3:30 he said "cot" and slithered out if bed and toddled back to the travel cot. It will pass.

As for settling, try using a sleeping bag if lo is big enough and wait 20 mins after dropping off before attempting the transfer.

BrianButterfield · 16/04/2014 06:57

DD basically co-slept for the first few weeks - I dislike it but I knew after DS it's the easiest way. I would put her in her basket when she had fallen into a deep sleep though. Now she is a little older I have taken the side off a cot and strapped it to our bed. She is literally about six inches from me all night and feeds are easy but I am not worried about covers/lying on her etc. Best of both worlds.

vichill · 16/04/2014 10:06

if you manage to continue breastfeeding without co sleeping then you deserve a medal. I buckled at about 8 weeks. I too tried to keep our bed for just me and dh but we both decided her contentment, our bond and my sleep was more important and him sleeping elsewhere for a few nights was no big deal.
You really don't move an inch when you sleep with a baby. Your body instinctively adopts a c shape around the baby meaning you'd dislocate your own shoulder before rolling on her. It's warm enough to sleep in a robe and push the quilt right down now.

Rachie1986 · 16/04/2014 10:57

I breastfeed and don't co-sleep.. As do lots of my friends.. Tis possible if you want it to be like that - up to you though xx

cinnamongreyhound · 16/04/2014 11:05

Me too Rachie1986. I was told by several people that my babies wouldn't sleep through until I stopped bf them was lucky with ds1 that he proved them wrong at 12 weeks!

Original poster

newmummy470 · 16/04/2014 13:12

Rachie1986 that's music to my ears! Is there anything u did in particular? I sometimes find it difficult to work out when she wakes if she's just tired or does want more milk, coz she rumages for both. I dont like her getting too distressed, so most of time just feed her to put her back to sleep. ?? ??

OP posts:

Lagoonablue · 16/04/2014 13:17

Those cot on the side of the bed are great. Once she has dropped off, just gently roll her onto it. Wish I had them. As it was I just used to co sleep, rather reluctantly to be honest.

Artandco · 16/04/2014 13:22

I bf both and didn't co sleep. We had the cot right next to bed though but a regular one with sides not bedside one. I sleep so deeply I was worried I would squash baby

Best thing here was I would wake and feed, then dh would wind a little and put into bed. I was back working at 12 weeks so didn't see why dh shouldn't wake also. Was only 20 mins each roughly then each time

The merino cocoon swaddles are great. And we always used flannelette sheets so not cold cotton they were being put back on. The swaddle meant they weren't unwrapped in between, just picked up, fed, wind, back in bed

I cluster fed 7pm-11pm most evenings so actually by 5/6 weeks only one waking anyway

Rachie1986 · 16/04/2014 16:02

Hi newmummy. Started a message then got distracted!

Right, didn't want to co sleep as worried about rolling on dd (or dh rolling, didn't want to kick him out). Also worried about moving to own bed later.

So what we did:

Moses basket on rocking stand right by bed so I could rock almost in my sleep when she fussed
Ewan the dream sheep - really settled her when not hungry just fussing. Again could do in my sleep nearly!
Always bf at night upstairs in nursery. Didn't do in bedroom as not very comfy and wanted dh to sleep so he could take her in morning for a couple of hrs if I wanted to sleep. Didn't go downstairs - taught upstairs is sleeping time at night.
Grobag (when right weight) really helped her settle quicker.

Also moved to her own room at 10wks which actually worked really well I think she was disturbed by us.

She has good nights and bad nights. Sometimes 1 wake up at night sometimes bad but not too bad at all.
To be honest she started settling better at 9 weeks when we put her in grobag, before that she was just too little I think. Now I feed (10-20mins) and hold upright for 20mins due to reflux and generally can put down and she settles (using Ewan if a bit unsettled).

Does that help?

Original poster

newmummy470 · 16/04/2014 21:40

Thanks Rachie. Thats really useful. I've got a grobag which she's big enough now to sleep in. Will definitely try keeping her upright for a while after feeding to, to help reflux.
A friend told me about dream sheep and swears by it, so will give that a try.

It's just reassuring to know it is possible to bf and have baby in own bed. Thanks again every one for all comments

OP posts:

PurplePidjin · 16/04/2014 21:49

Another bfer who's ds prefers his own bed!

In our case it was because he refused to sleep on his back

4 weeks of hell taking it in turns to have him asleep on our chests and I gave in. Popped him on his front and he stayed put for 7 hours

HV said it's ok as long as no other risks for SIDS - no smoking, brand new mattress etc - and that tummy sleepers get warmer so i never put him in more than a baby grow in our (then his) warm room.

Other things I've heard help are putting a tee shirt that smells of you in the crib, and putting a hot water bottle on the mattress to warm it (take it out and replace with baby, don't leave it in!)

PS ds is 17 months now, and still sleeps on his front. In his own cot. In his own room. Although he still wakes once a night for a nappy but he's funny about those

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