Pick up put down...am I doing it right?

[Durdurkubby]

Our lovely DS is just turning 3 months old. He is normally quite a good sleeper at night but he really struggles to take naps. Quite early on we fell into a pattern of picking him up immediately when he woke and showed signs of distress. I think it is right to comfort a very young baby immediately but when should he be able to settle himself? We do let him grizzle/snuffle for a while to see if he falls asleep. So now I find that he is either asleep or heavily dozing when we put him down and he needs picked up/reassured/helped back to sleep at least once or twice. It can take a lot of attempts which is time consuming and exhausting. (He is starting to get very heavy!)

The past two nights he has completely changed his routine and now I can barely settle him after feeds (EBF) resulting in us getting up for the day at about 5am. He's shattered, I'm shattered. I feel like I have hit wall and have lost my confidence. DH is very supportive but he is far more accepting of lack of sleep and the fact that a baby can change his routine at any time. I'm really struggling...any ideas?

Other facts: sleeps in a growbag in cot in our room. Will nap in pram/car so that is how I make him rest during day. Will sometimes fall asleep in his bouncy chair. Falls asleep after most feeds but only for a catnap. Bedtime routine is getting ready at 8.30pm, final feed and bed so normally asleep by 10pm.

Someone with more recent experience might come along soon, but I didn't pick up, I used to put my hand on her and do shhhh-ing sounds or sing very quietly. I also remember putting that day's t-shit (mine) in the cot so she could have a familiar smell.

he may be to young. We tried sleep training at 4.5 months and our was a disaster. Our non-sleeper used to wake 5-9 times in the night and naps were at most 1.5 hours in a 16 hour day. I was desperate for sleep.

We tried ferber (horrendous. don't) but gave up.

We waited three more months and tried pupd at 7.5 months. This sort of worked a little bit. We would occasionally get a 5hr block (then hourly after that) but again after several weeks of tearful pupd routine we gave up.

Three months after that he spontaneously got it. We would hear him wake, fuss a bit but if we gave it 5 mins before going in, 9 times or of ten he'd be asleep before we checked on him. And he slept through now.

By thirteen months we had fit to the point where he would reliably sleep 9pm to 8am but he would need someone in the room with him directly the falling asleep part of the night.

At 15 months we tried just leaving the room after his story. Two nights he barely whimpered as we left him and after that he would just lie down to be tucked in and not a peep til morning. He is now 19m and we have now extended this sleeping without fuss to his naps. (until a month ago we ALWAYS had to take him out in the pushchair to get him to nap).

What I'm saying is, ds was not yet ready to sttn until he was 7.5 months. And not ready to be left alone to fall asleep until a few months after that. I know it's really hard and you are desperate to get him to sttn but I think forcing it before he's ready makes for torturous bedtimes. I'm glad I had a word with myself about 'can I cope? Well of I'm honest, I AM coping even though I don't want to have to' that made me back of and try again in 3 months time.

bedtimes are glorious now as we have lots of laughter and tickles before bedtime and he goes to bed without complaint. It wasn't sleep training but his maturity that did it. We went at his pace, gradually expecting more and more from him.

I hope he turns into a champion sleeper eventually. I hope my experience gives you hope. I've got a newborn now and plan to be more patient this time around.

Thank you so much for replying and advice/ideas. Mostly, thanks for the hope. Sometimes everything seems so overwhelming and you forget that everything must be much harder/scarier/more confusing for DS.

Learnasyougo - congratulations on new arrival!

Hi, I have a 5 month old ds and a 2.5yo ds and first time round I kind of muddled through and eventually he ended up sleeping 8pm-8am which was amazing. Second time round I discovered the most amazing book - 'The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan' by Alison Scott-Wright and by 6 weeks old my second ds was also sleeping 8pm-8am. I recommend it to everyone, although I would say I don't agree with absolutely everything in it, but the basic principle makes sense. Unfortunately he's now waking at 6am, but I suspect he's sleeping too much during the day so am in the process of trying to adjust that. He's also got some sort of milk intolerance and has to have prescription milk, so that could have something to do with it.

Good luck with the naps, it took a while for ds2 to settle and it was torture getting there, in and out with reassurance several times, especially while trying to keep a 2yo happy. But we both sing to him now when it's nap time and he knows what to expect as we try to do the same thing every time. I would say it took 'til he turned 3 months for it to get easier and that was starting from about a month old.

Good luck!x