Early bedtime when I've no ability to "settle" my 12 week old?

[Swannykazoo]

Velcro baby - co-sleeping, sleeps relatively well 10pm to 2/3, 2-3 to 5-6ish then 7. Refuses bednest & even if deeply asleep does usually wake & not settle back to sleep when put down in the bednest but settles fairly well beside me, often feeding to sleep. Daytime naps are getting much better - make sure he's in sling / pram / carseat after 1-1 1/2 hrs awake time. He has never had any truck with sleeping in the moses basket downstairs and I don't feel I have any ability to settle him at all - rocking makes him cry, shush pat makes him cry more, letting him cry makes him cry. If I think he might be overtired, putting him in the sling and ignoring him while I walk round the garden seems to be the thing that works.
At the minute we have no bedtime routine - baths tend to excite him/cause crying. He NEVER seems sleepy or I'm maybe not able to spot sleepy signs, mostly just watch time & look for pointless crying.

So, he's increasingly getting fussy in the evenings and not feeding constantly like he used to (7-10 was the norm.) but seems quite bright and alert. When I've had a fret before MN has been great reassuring me that he's v little, things would get much easier after 4th trimester etc etc. Other posts I've read have suggested mums will "know" when their little one is ready for an early ie 7pm ish bedtime

He's now 12 weeks and I am worried he's tired and needs an early bedtime ie 7 and would also quite like to have some downtime in the evenings. However I've no idea how to facilitate it if he's used to sleeping beside me - I really don't want to go to bed at 7! Or 8! 9 now that sounds like a treat How do I know when he's ready? How do I avoid "wasting" his most solid bit of sleep when I'm sitting in the living room watching Breaking Bad? How does everybody deal with the sidS guidance for babies to not sleep alone for 1st 6months? (Our bedroom is the other end of the house from the living room.) How do I learn to "settle" him when it seems that me interacting with him winds him up rather than soothing? Is he maybe still a bit little and it'll all come right on its own?

Any advice gratefully received - virtual gins are on me!

Oh Lord, it's hard isn't it?

My first was a velcro baby too. I began to claw evenings back by feeding her to sleep lying down on my bed at 7ish, then lying next to her til she was deeply asleep, then slowly creeping away. I'd then return at 10ish and slip into bed quietly next to her. Got a decent amount of sleep that way. She had a morning and an afternoon nap, both in pram being pushed over bumpy path or in the car. Hard work but you will get through it. She never slept in a cot ever but loved
being pushed around

My 12w DD is just the same. She is finally asleep having been hysterical for an hour.
We did all the usual stuff to check she was physically comfy and she howled and howled.
Have you read Wonder Weeks?
It say babies do get more clingy at this stage and then we get anxious because are hysterical and it becomes a vicious circle.
Could you LO be picking up on your anxiety?

Sorry on my phone posted too soon.

Was going to say don't feel bad about cosleeping or feeding to sleep. It's all so natural and won't last forever. Forget what books say just do what works. All 3 of mine coslept and fed to sleep etc - two of them transferred to cots easily around 6mths the other was like velcro til nearly 2! Babies are all so different and I think it's just pure luck if you get a 'good' sleeper.

Been there. I did what LadyMetroland did. Mine didn't go to bed at 7 til he was about 5 mo, it was a long slog!

Hooray! The greatest thing about MN is the "not just me then thank feck" - thanks ladies

No, not just you!!! Spent 2 weeks building myself up to leaving 12 week old DS alone in his cot for 2 whole hours and it lasted precisely 13 minutes. DS back downstairs with us smiling victoriously!!! We're currently doing feed, baby massage and bath at 7.30 ish followed by an increasingly disturbed 2-1/2 hours. He comes down with us and used to just sleep in his chair till 10 when we all went to bed together (DS sleeps in his cot)- but I'd feed him to sleep. Recently however we just disturb him downstairs and he gets cranky- he just wants to sit attached to my boob- not terribly relaxing for me.

Tonight we did bath then fed him to sleep and put him in his cot- this is what we do at 10 and he normally goes to sleep and stays in his cot. How did he know what time it was ????? He's 12 weeks old???? We ran the gauntlet of watching TV through his "big" sleep and RISKED the SIDS advice all for nothing. And I bet we've ruined his ok-ish routine. Booooo

By the way all of the far more experienced mothers I've spoken to think that I'm being, and I quote, "absolutely ridiculous" worrying about leaving him in the nursery for 2 hours on his own (with a moniter) before joining him later after a bit of grown up time. One went so far as to call me "bloody hysterical" whilst rolling her eyes.

Aargh! I feel your pain Nicky