sleeping, feeding and routines

[lori21]

I've got a 6 week old boy who is breast fed. He fights sleep during the day and is OK at night. As he does not sleep during the day I have no routine and wandered what other mums do for a routine. Should I try and get him to sleep at certain times? What are the best times for a nap? He will sleep a bit in the car, never in the pram, and will fall asleep eventually through using a vibrating chair, with the sound of the sea playing and some one rocking it. At night I feed him until he falls asleep.

I know I should be grateful that he does sleep OK at night but I find making and eating food for myself and doing anything round the house impossible as he needs so much attention.

Any advice gratefully received

Lori

Blimey it sounds like you are doing really well - sleeping and feeding at six weeks! The best advice I was given at that time - when I was frantic, desperate to get a routine and unable to breast feed was just to relax and watch your baby. By spending time with them and doing nothing else you will work out the routine that suits you best. If you really can't put him down in a bouncy chair wherever you need to be, why not try a papoose or sling, that is how I got my housework done if my dd wouldn't let me leave her.

Good luck it will get so much easier and a whole lot of fun

Hi Lori -
Relax! I know there are stacks of books and TV programs out there pressurising people into establishing a "routine" but 6 weeks is still very young for you to be too concerned. You sound like you are doing really well so give yourself a break and don't expect too much from yourself, or baby for that matter.

The most important thing right now is to get to know your baby which means spending time with him rather than dashing about. Easier said than done but this will pay dividends in the long run as you'll be able to tell when he's tired and he'll know your voice and smell enough for you to be able to calm him done easily. Knowing when he is tired is key because you're wasting your time trying to put him down when he's not but if he gets too tired its a nightmare.

I can remember quite clearly this frustrating period but things will get better. As baby grows you'll find he'll be entertain himself for longer stretches (baby gyms and mirrors are good for that) and then you can get things done.
In the meantime I appreciate you need to eat and not everything can wait so here's some practical tips...

1. Morning routine - this is for you, not for him. I found that getting up and having a shower made me feel alot better than trying to grab another 30 mins of poor sleep. You might even want to set yourself an alarm - sounds mad I know! Also, don't feel like you have to get him out of his cot the second he wakes. Give him some toys/mobile to stare at (anything black, white and red is great at this age), maybe put the radio on and he should be fine long enough for you to get up washed, dressed and even fed.
2. Packed lunch - make yourself a packed lunch either the night before or first thing. Even better, get someone else to do it for you. Forget trying to have a hot lunch for now just make sure its still nutricious. Sandwiches are great for eating with one hand while you feed baby!
3. Take baby with you - using a sling didn't work for me but moving baby her in the bouncer or lying her on the bed/floor nearby as I got on with things helped. Generally she was happy if she could see me and even better if she could hear me sing!
4. Rethink your day - are you still trying to do things at the same time you've always done them? Maybe think about taking things easier during the day and just chilling out with baby and watching TV and then doing somethings after he's gone to bed. Make tea the night before and put it in the fridge, do the ironing etc etc. Just DON'T try to do things during the day and then carry on after he's gone to bed because you'll be exhausted and you HAVE to rest at somepoint so as not to interfere with your milk supply. Hope that helps! Sarah

Thanks everyone. I am finding it hard to go from a job where I knew what I was doing and people would ask my advice to being responsible for a little person and not having a clue what I should be doing. As you say there are so any different ideas and I do feel pressurised into being perfect.

Thanks again

Lori

Lori
I too have a six week old baby and have gone from being an in control career woman to looking after this (very gorgeous) little boy who demands my attention and has completely thrown my independent lifestyle aside however ....I finally surrendered myself to the fact (having talked to loads of friends with kids, my lovely GP and my other ante natal friends) that this period of what seems a little bit like chaos, will pass and instead of getting frustrated with it at times, I try to get through the hard bits and really remember the lovely bits and appreciate them (you don't ever get those moments back again). I try to follow a sort of routine, but it doesn't always go to plan. But then when I do get to grab a few minutes to myself, I do something nice (read a book for eg or a good magazine - nothing too taxing)

Great tips from sjv - very sensible and I will try some of these myself. Other suggestions:....

I've had a few nights when he won't go back down after the night feed...so I've now lined up some good DVD's in case I find myself with crying baby at 2am who won't go back down (it happens sometimes and not every night but I prepare myself for the worst and think it's a bonus if we all get to go back to bed). I've joined an online DVD rental company in the last year or so and it's great to get back episodes of things I've always wanted to watch but never had the time.

I order my shopping online - best £5.99 I can spend - don't have much else to spend it on at the moment...!.

I try to do one little social thing a day even if it's just meeting a friend for a coffee (and getting them to pop over to me).

I don't try anything too much for dinner....a very sensible idea of sjv to cook something the night before...

If daytime telly gets you down (I personally can't face another house DIY/food/ chat programme....) what about finding something to listen to on the radio whilst you feed your baby...?
I have times when this whole thing gets me down and I get VERY Frustrated - had a good day today so maybe am in a good mood !
Keep us updated ! Screaming baby in moses basket next to me needs attention !!

Hi
you've probably heard enough advice for one day but I just wanted to add something.
I agree as long as your baby is feeding well and sleeping you're fine and doing well.But my 7 week old sounds exactly the same-sleeps well at night but very fractious in the day.
We worked out quiite early on this is due to tiredness and in fact putting them down to sleep- however you manage it ,really helps their sleep generally.
I had never intended to start a routine and felt incapable of this at the beginning, but once we realised our little one was tired and telling us he needed to sleep, someone suggested a sleeping routine would help.
We are 10 days into our sleeping routine and little one is 100% better.It is possible this may have happened any way but I just couldn' bear to see him so distressed because he was soooo tired.
All babes are different and you need to work out yours, our little one would cry and scream no matter what we did so I was forced to adopt a routine.
One other thing if you decide to do a routine you need to be ready because it can be tough, I personally feel it has been easier than watching little one scream til he was exhausted.
Good luck

totally know what you mean, i've gone from being an in control manager for a major retail organisation, responsible for a large team of staff to a new mum of a now 12 week old baby. all very bizarre isn't it? it's the most out of control i've felt in my life. i still don't have what you would call 'nap times' and i'm breastfeeding on demand. at work i was a complete routine, organisation, planning, control freak...and now i have no idea what time i'll be doing a single thing. but you know what..i love it!

My good mood changed rapidly.....not sure i was loving it from 2am onwards I was with ds in moses basket next to me - with a light finger near his dummy so that I could snooze - as every time it dropped out, he screamed...He finally got off at 3.50am (dummy out and didn't want it anymore) - I was elated, only to be woken at 4.35am and he wanted feeding. He then snoozed thankfully until 7.30am....A bad night after such a good day !! I'm off to Mother in laws to drop him off for the afternoon so that I can get some rest and relaxation !!! (I am making the most of keen grandparents !! - it's saved my sanity).

Hi all
I can't tell you how good it is to read that there are others out there who have found their well organised smooth running lifestyle turned upside down by their new arrival! I run my own business (shop and internets sites) with my friend so very independant and organised, however with the arrival of my ds things changed dramatically and i felt that i was doing everything wrong and could not cope. Ultimately (and I am still trying to do this) I have had to really adjust my expectations and to try not to plan too much and just to take things as they come. My HV always said sleep through the day, don't do this, don't do that, but I felt I needed to have something to do each day, just so I felt like I had achieved something - like a walk to the park, meeting a friend for a while, even down to washing the nappies!
I also am working hard at trying to take things as they come and accept that he is just a baby, things seem to change all the time and just as you think you are on track with something! I was in London yesterday and we got back late so ds went to bed late and there was I fearful of a very fretful night - he slept from 10pm til 3.45am the longest ever - how does that work out? Normally bath then in bed by 7.30ish and asleep by 8/8.30pm and we get a max of 3.5 hours out of him!

Anyway, best advice I can give is to really try and accept that this is your life now, as the others have said spend more time watching your baby and learn cues for sleep, food, boredom etc - it does make things easier. Also when you pick up the 'I'm tired' cues try to act on them straight away, I find with ds if i leave it too long i've missed the window and he gets really agitated. Ds is 12 weeks now and I am really starting to enjoy him so much more and am working hard to let the frustrations and lack of routine and sleep to wash over my! Dh is a great help too - hopefully yours are also supportive?

Hope this has helped a bit, it's certainly helped me to know there are others out there who have suffered the same - my friends have much older children now and always seem to be model parents with children who seem to be perfect! (I have since discovered that things are different behind closed doors!!)

Hi,
I have a DS of 7wks, and DD 18mths. DD never used to sleep during the day, or if she did only for 'micro-naps' of 10-15mins....so i know how you are feeling - I distinctly remember crying over her cot watching her cry and willing her to sleep at around 6wkx. Anyway, my point is that with DS i've discovered that you have to at least give them the right conditions to fall asleep during the day, ie somewhere relatively calm, lying flat, not too light etc - not necessarily in their bedroom, but away from all the hustle and bustle - I find a dummy helps too to get him off (contreoversial I know). With DD i jsut supposed she would fall asleep when she was tired, which she never did! DS isn't really in a routine as such, her feeds fairly regularly (BF), and bed is at 7pm, other than that naps are fairly erratic - shortish one at some point in the morning, then a 2hr one around lunchtime, and sometimes a short nap in the afternoon - really helps to avoid an evening meltdown! Sorry for long post and hope it helps a bit.

After all the advice I decided just to relax with the whole idea of sleeping and routine and go with the flow. He has good days and nights and some not so good days and nights but as I am not so worried it does not seem as bad!

Thanks again!

Lori