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Original poster

Gradual withdrawal, how do you get out of the room???

14 replies

Lilypie · 15/08/2006 20:59

DD is 15 months and hasn't slept well for a month or so, she's become clingy to me and cries when I leave the room, put her to bed etc so I'm doing gradual withdrawal to try and sort it out.

My problem is that she cries when put down but is fairly easily settled from a distance, ie I can talk her into going to sleep, as long as I'm in the room she's happy, now I've got to the "at the door" stage I dont know what to do as she cries if I leave and we end up effectively doing cc which doesnt work for us due to dd's tendancy to get so worked up she vomits.
What's the next stage? I can't leave the room until she's asleep which defeats the whole object of what we've been trying to do.
Has anyone used this method of sleep training and found it successful? If so have you any tips for me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilypie · 15/08/2006 21:13

Should mention we have a routine in place and I've always put her down awake. Up until 1 months ago she was an amazing sleeper. It's like she's forgotten how to settle herself in the fear that I'm going to leave her or something!

OP posts:
mads1 · 15/08/2006 21:14

lilypie - waiting with you to hear the advice!

Original poster
Lilypie · 15/08/2006 21:24

Mads, I read on another post that ur dd slept well for 14 months too, our daughters are clones or something!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilypie · 15/08/2006 21:45

Just bumping - I'm off to bed now but if anyone can offer advice I'll be picking it up in the morning!

OP posts:
Snozcumber · 15/08/2006 22:38

I have done this sleep training twice with dd1, once when she went through the same sort of thing in her cot and then again when we moved her into a bed and she kept getting out of it.

Also a fabulous sleeper before and after, just in need of reassurance. I think its the most amazing form of sleep training and would quite happily use it again with dd2 (although secretly hoping I won't have to).

We got to this point, stuck at the doorway our solution was to flood the hall with light from another bedroom so that her room was still dark but she could still see into the hall if she tried. We would then step between her room when she was crying and the hall when she was quite. With a constant 'shh it alright mummmy is still here.' This moved to top step of stairs and poking head through doorway when she cried to resettle her. To half way down the stairs and nipping back to reassure her every time she whinged, cried or shouted, and same from all way down stairs.

General idea was constant reassuring everytime she wanted it, but lengthening time between visits by distance. I was heavily pregnant when I was doing this and dd was reassured by the fact that she could here my coming up the stairs anyway

I really sympathise, I was on my knees with exhaustion by this point and it just seemed like slow progress (few days on each stage) but it did really work, I hope it works for you and your daughter too

Sorry this is long am not great at explaining things!
Good Luck
x

heavenis · 15/08/2006 22:46

I did this with both my ds's. When you get to the door way sit /stand and I left the time in between longer. So if they cried first I would re-assure straight away and then leave it longer although they knew I was still there IYSWIM.With ds2 I sometimes had to take the bull by the horns and come downstairs otherwise I would have been there all night.

lilmamma · 16/08/2006 09:00

I feel sorry for you been there done that 4 times.I use to lie on the bed with mine and then once asleep,roll myself on the floor and crawl out the door,sometimes i would have to stifle a laugh as i knew how silly i looked lol.I also use to potter round the room until they went to sleep,do you have a baby monitor,so if she wakes you could say ssh go back to sleep or does she have to physically see you.I think at that age they just see mummy going out the door,and its so scarey when you are only little.she will grow out of it which i know isnt any help at the moment sorry.

Original poster
Lilypie · 16/08/2006 18:42

Thanks all, last night was hell. She was up at 3am and didn't really settle at all. I have to admit after an hour and a half of sitting in her room trying to get her to go back to sleep I said "to hell with it" and went back to bed....
DD cried and I left her to cry... I wasn't helping by being with her but I feel like shit for doing it. She did fall asleep tho but woke and cried every half hour for a few minutes until 7am. I'm losing the plot...

OP posts:
Dearbhla · 17/08/2006 10:22

I'm having the same trouble with my DD at the moment. She is 19 months and I have always had to hang around, outside her room until she goes off to sleep. She has a dummy for going to sleep and has this terrible habit of throwing it out of the cot which means me going in to pick it up again because I know she won't go to sleep without it. Since we came back from holiday about 10 days ago, I have to sit by the side of the cot holding her hand or rubbing her head which can take up to an hour before she eventually goes off. She always wakes during the night and we bring her into our bed and she goes straight off to sleep. Am I putting her down too early if it takes her so long to go to sleep or is she over-excited. Any suggestions would be really appreciated!

mads1 · 21/08/2006 14:13

Dearbhla,
Hi, I too have been there and cried to myself whilst sitting next to my dd waiting for her to go to sleep. I got to the point where i decided i had to give cc ago as it was my last choice. It worked! (touch wood). Have you tried or thought about this?
I didn't do it in 5,10,15 min intervals. I had planned that I would only let dd cry for no more then 10 mins and therefore started of with 5 mins and added a minute on each time. Luckily i only had to go to 8 mins. But i do believe that this is different for each child and the timings that you choose depends on their nature.

Littlefish · 21/08/2006 14:16

lilmamma - lol out the crawling out of the room thing! I've done it too, more times than I care to mention.

mads1 · 21/08/2006 14:18

Lilypie - how are you? just read this message too. I really do feel for you and would like to send you the biggest hug ever (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Look on the bright side - dd won't want to sleep with you when she's 16 years old!!! Only 15 more years to go...... - hope you don't mind the joke. You either have to laugh or cry!

Corky · 23/08/2006 23:17

I had to do this with my dd who was 26months at the time when she went into a bed. We started off by reading to her until she fell asleep then eventually we would sit by the wall by the door, then progress to the other side of the door and we'd say that we were right by the door and that we could hear her. It took a couple of weeks and a nightlight to get her to stay in the bed but she seems fine now. I'm dreading it when my ds eventually moves to a bed as I hope we don't have the same problems!

mads1 · 26/08/2006 19:14

Hi Lilypie,
Still thinking about you and would like to know how things are going for you. Any joy?

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