Nearly three years old and still not sleeping through the night - I can't do this any more

[Ragtaggle]

Note the time - it's 4.06 am and I'm down here because I really nearly lost it with her just now. Was so close to actually hitting her through sheer exhaustion and frustration that I have scared myself. Now I just can't stop crying. If my son (10 months) turns out to be like this too I don't know what I will do.

The situation is this - even though my dd is nearly three she wakes screaming and shouting at least once, often twice a night. It's usually over quite quickly if I simply give in to her shouted commands (My duvet isn't on properly, where's my teddy etc)
but my night is usually ruined as I'm finding it harder and harder to go to sleep each time.

Tonight has been a typical night - Dh and I went to bed at ten to try and get a head start. Our dd called my name periodically in a restless way until at 1230 started sobbing and shouting. When I went in she needed me to 'find' her beaker of water which was in actual fact right next to her in bed. I give this back to her and remind her about the star chat and withdrawal of beebies (Yes we have tried everything going) the next day. I came back to bed to be woken again at three thirty by the same hysterical sobbing and the same f..... problem - '"I can't find my water! Where's my water?" I have only recently started letting her have water in bed again during the hot weather and the deal is supposed to be that she takes a sip and puts it back on the bedside table but she doesn't - she just clutches it to her and calls me every time she loses it. This second time I ignored her until she got to the door of the bedroom and started shouting. (I can hear that she has woken the baby AGAIN and I'm hoping that he won't start crying like he did last night - it resulted in me being up with him for an hour and a half). By the way me and dh normally take in in turns but he has tonsilitis at the moment. I have just run out of ideas and am SOOOO tired.

We have tried CC on numerous occasions. Her staying power is incredible. She can scream and shout the same sentence for up to three hours. We've been so desperate we've done it by the book for weeks at a time and it is a) incredibly stressful and b) only ever works for a short time. Therefore, it actually DOESN'T work as my dh points out. I don't know what to do - I am so fed up of this - I'm permanently tired and am finding parenting a complete misery as a result. We are supposed to be going on holiday next week and she is sharing a room with her brother (Who early indications suggest is not bad. Sleeps 7-8 on a good night) As you can imagine I am absolutely dreading it now...I know it's going to be misery for all of us because she will keep waking it up. When I booked it she was going through one of her good periods (Sometimes she sleeps for weeks at a time) But this is clearly going to be one of her bad...when will she just bloody sleep?

The last sentence should have been wake 'him' up. I may be tired but I don't think of my baby as an it really

Can't offer any astounding advice, just posting to say I'm here too with a nearly 2yo who has been up since 0230 and just won't go back to sleep. This happens on a just about weekly basis but in between she sleeps fine (well sort of!). I'm sick of it and am chronically knackered and sympathise so much with you ragtaggle. Lack of sleep is an awful thing.

Hi. I'm new to this forum - the recent publicity made me join in solidarity! I'm not sure what I can say that's helpful. I have two children, neither of whome slept though the night regularly til they were 5ish, but they both just crawled into bed with and went back to sleep so although I was woken on a regular basis, I was never awake for long, so it was survivable. Would you consider that, ragtaggle? Or is sharing a bed out of the question? One thing that helped my dd learn to settle herself to sleep was a story CD. How about a CD player that she could learn to turn on for herself? BTW, I'm not sure that threatening to withdraw cbeebies is a good idea - it's just when you've had no sleep that you need the tv most! Self preservation is an important part of parenting! Oh, one more thing, mine always slept better on holiday, so you may be lucky. I hope you're asleep again now.

please bear in mind you may not be able to post freely here in future

Hi - I'm a new member too. The only category on here is sleep because I am winging the rest of it!
You are not alone out there with a non- sleeper. Sometimes at night I think i must be the only person standing hushing and soothing over a crib. But we're not.
I think its perfectly natural to get angry at that time of the morning. I understand how people lose it. I've been close myself a few times.
My son is 8 months and has only slept through a couple of times. I know he's going to be difficult for months to come. I have developed all sorts of bad habits. Wish I hadn't bought the Baby Whisperer. She has made me feel worse because I know she's right!
Keep the faith. We are with you.

Oh you poor, poor thing. Have you tried offering a big reward like a present for going through the night without waking you up? Personally I'd take the water away altogether.

ragtaggle- We have exactly the same thing with our 2.3yr old DD.
Every night she calls 'mummy' I go in to be asked for blankets, milk or a book.
I then give her whatever and either she goes back to sleep or she calls you back for something else. Sometimes like every night this week it goes on for 2 hrs. I cant sleep when I know shes awake although DH manages to sleep through it all.
I have found that its not that she actually wants anything but rather she just wants you to go in as sometimes I ask her what she wants and she has to think about it.

What we have started to do is go in but say to her ' weve run out of milk and well buy some shopping' or 'we wont be coming back in again, go to sleep and well see you in the am' then we ignore all other calls. TBH I dont have an answer for you as were struggling the same. I think we will soon be getting tough though and will spend a few nights ignoring any calling.

We tried CC as well and it didnt work. She just spent 3 weeks crying for 2hrs each night before we caved in.

Maybe you should stop the water as she seems to be waking you for that.

Hi! I came here looking for advice too and I have to say it's such a relief to read that other people have the same problem. I have a beautiful son of almost 2 and half, who, like the rest of you, would stand in front of a speeding bullet to protect. However, night time is an absolute mare. Since birth, he has never ever slept a whole night. Things seem to go from bad to worse. We've ended up having him sleep in our bed just to get some sleep ourselves. However, as he's growing, unfortunately the bed isn't. Last night we decided the stand had to be made and as a result we had a screaming child, who I'm sure the neighbours thought we were trying to murder (it was blood curdling) desperate to get into our bed. This went on for an hour and a quarter. Having finally got off to sleep he woke us two subsequent times and we found ourselves in the same situation. We've tried everything from moving his room around to create a different environment to rewards, the lot! I'm at the end of my tether, feeling a complete failure and I'm desperate for some help. Please! Any tips will be so welcome! Thank you!

Hi, this is my first message and its for some advise and offering some aswell. Sleepless nights are something we have had a lot of experience of and like some of you out there we have a toddler nearly 3 and a 10 month old. 10 month old (touch wood)is not giving us any grief at the moment but 1st born is. He has been waking up to 6 times a night shouting for me and then not really wanting anything, just some attention. Afer severly nights of getting sooo fustrated and shouting and crying ( this is me, not him)we found some advice in a book which basically says to go to them but ignore them, no eye contact if possible, answer a requests ie I am thirty by just handing the water to them, I am not well, taking temperature but all the time NO talking back to them. I then sit next to the bed, head bent down and just touch his arm for a while, the get up and leave. If he doesn't get out of bed, great, if not and he tries to open the door, I just hold onto the door knob until he gives up. We have had lots of screaming and crying doing this for a few nights, but I have noticed some improvement. I think it really confused him when I didn't speak to him and not shout like I usually had done. If anyone else out there has done things differently and got good result bearing in mind we have tried bribery, star charts, the lot, please let me know.