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Original poster

Has anyone used a sleep consultant and NOT had it work?

27 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 21/02/2014 04:40

I feel like I've tried everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - to get 21 month old DS's sleep to a manageable level (I've given up on this 'sleeping through the night' fantasy that some people go on about). I'd just love to not have to co-sleep from before 8pm every night, have something vaguely resembling an evening with my long-suffering DH and at least cut the length of DS's night wakings down, if not also the frequency, if I'm being truly greedy, all before DC2 arrives in August!

I really don't know what a sleep consultant could suggest that I haven't tried so I'm reluctant to shell out a huge amount of money only to end up back in the same place we always do. This is the one I'm considering as she doesn't appear to just suggest variations on CC or gradual retreat as most of them do, both of which I've tried umpteen times with no effect whatsoever. I've read a lot about people on here singing the praises of many sleep consultants, but is there anyone who went to one as a last resort and still had no change?

Thanks in exhausted advance!

OP posts:
LovelyWeatherForDucks · 21/02/2014 09:33

We used Andrea Grace for DS when he was about 8 months and still waking up hourly, waking for hours, not self settling. It helped but it did not fix things forever - I've just accepted he's not a good sleeper! It did, however, give me good 'tactics' to use whenever he sleep seemed to be 'slipping' again. Even now at 16 months we have phases of long night wakings, not self settling, but they don't seem to last too long.Current issue is 5am starts! Good luck.

tinierclanger · 22/02/2014 09:31

I'm bumping for you but presumably the lack of response is a good thing for you :)

We are currently working with the lady you linked to. She is lovely and we're making good progress- not sleeping through yet but a lot of improvement since we started.

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 22/02/2014 10:08

Thanks Tinier and Duck. I was hoping no response was a good sign Smile I've sent her an email to see if she thinks we should launch into a full package or just have a single consultation to see if it's worth proceeding.

I've just spent a week sleeping on his floor to try and get him happier with his own bed and room with nothing but complete deterioration as all he wants to do is co-sleep. Totally demoralised. Sad

OP posts:
emeraldgirl1 · 22/02/2014 14:36

PMd you, OP :)

Coconutfeet · 23/02/2014 14:27

We used the person you linked to when ds was 20 months and waking every two hours or so. I was so knackered I was just bringing him into our bed and feeding him constantly. He would also only nap for about 45 minutes. It took 6 weeks but he now generally sleeps from 7 ish to about 6am and naps for 1.5-2 hours. I honestly believed that we would be the one lot of people it didn't work for. I would really recommend her!

Superworm · 23/02/2014 23:01

DS is nearly two and a crappy crap sleeper.

We used millpond without success although your link looks promising. I slept trained for ever, slept on the floor for months...in the end I realised it's his allergies that keep him wake mostly.

SillyBlueHat · 27/02/2014 09:27

Emerald, have you used the lady the OP is talking about? If so could you PM me as considering it

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 27/02/2014 11:22

Had a chat with Ann (lady linked in my OP) this morning. It does sound like a real departure from the norm so we're going ahead. She doesn't think my DS is a lost cause.

And in case Emerald has fallen off the thread - yes, she did use Ann and can't speak highly enough of her. Smile

OP posts:
SillyBlueHat · 27/02/2014 17:20

Please let us know how you get on. I'm really curious to know if it's worth spending the money. I have all the books but in the back of my mind is the fear that it will be really hard work and won't make any difference.

SillyBlueHat · 27/02/2014 17:41

OP, how does she work without doing CC?
Think I'm going to call her on Monday. I have 4 weeks to get DD to sleep!

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 27/02/2014 20:18

She doesn't really do quick fixes Silly - we're doing a six week package. If you need it sorted in four weeks because you're going back to work, don't worry about that. I went back to work (full time, to a new job what's more) when DS was eight months and still waking upwards of 10 times per night, despite a lengthy round of CC, a couple of attempts if gradual withdrawal and a thorough wringing out of the No Cry Sleep Solution. That carried on until he was well past a year and I actually coped, just. It's amazing what necessity enables you to get on with. Smile

We have yet to start properly but it's an emotional/counselling approach looking at your DC's overall behaviour patterns then deciding from there how best to proceed. I'm guessing it will be an individually tailored variant on gradual withdrawal. Unlike your Millponds/Andrea Graces she doesn't just go straight to a sleep training strategy but looks very holistically and retrospectively, ie from birth, as to what the full picture is.

OP posts:
SillyBlueHat · 27/02/2014 22:10

I'm away for a week with work so HAVE to stop feeding to sleep. Otherwise I wouldn't worry so much

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 27/02/2014 23:09

Well that's actually kind of easy. Plan to co-sleep with DC for a few nights, if you're not already. Don't feed to sleep at any point - not for first falling asleep and not for any subsequent wake-ups. He/she will rage but at least they're in bed with you so you know they're just raging for boob and not upset because they've been abandoned. Rub back, stroke head, cuddle throughout. It'll take three or four nights. You might have developed another sleep prop, but it could potentially be one you delegate to somebody else. Some babies/toddlers even magically start sleeping through with night weaning just not mine. There is no cry/rage-free way of breaking the feed to sleep association unfortunately. You've just got to grit your teeth and bear it. The slower 'gentle' versions never worked for me (Google Pantley Pull Off if you're not familiar). Cold-turkey in combination with co-sleeping was the only effective method here, although it did result in double mastitis for me Shock

OP posts:
SillyBlueHat · 28/02/2014 09:11

Will be brave and give it a go. I just know from my first dc how difficult it is to keep your resolve at 1am!

SillyBlueHat · 28/02/2014 09:13

Don't think I have the patience for Pantley Pull Off so cold turkey it is

Joesmummy1 · 12/05/2014 22:51

We used Sian from www.sleepbabies.co.uk
We were sceptical but desperate and she helped our friend. He slept through 3 weeks into it and has been life changing. May not work for everyone but did for us. Gentle technique only and you do need patience

MinginInTheRain · 18/05/2014 10:40

Joe'smummy - would you mind me asking what sort of techniques are used? I have tried Millpond and stuck at if for over 6 long months but didn't work. My daughter is now almost 5 and still wakes every night and wants me to sleep with her. Desperate for a normal night's sleep. Thank you in advance.

Joesmummy1 · 22/05/2014 22:30

Hi Minging in the Rain,

It was very gradual and the main thing was I never left him to cry. She was so gentle with me and went at my pace, it gave me the confidence to think I could do it. It was hard but really allowed me to enjoy him when I started getting more sleep.. I spoke to her a few times on the phone first to see if I was comfortable with her approach and she was right for us. Good Luck. Not sure if she does 5 year olds though, you would need to check

ShineSmile · 24/05/2014 21:28

So how did it go OP? I'm looking for a sleep consultant too

emeraldgirl1 · 25/05/2014 21:56

Sorry sorry I fell off the thread!!
Yes indeed elpheba, you are right, I can't speak highly enough of ann caird, saved my sanity! DD now almost always sleeps through night (still waking at 5.15 am ffs but that's another story) after being up 4 times a night for hours at a time when she was 11m old. Did a 6 week stint ith ann, best money I've ever spent. Literally almost NO crying which was a huge issue for me, I would rather have gone two more years without sleep thn done CC. Don't think CC would have worked anyway as DD is a screamer...
So in short OP, if you are thinking of trying a consultant and happy to A&E a longer approach then can't recommend ann highly enough, she is caring and really individual approach to each child. V v v v best of luck! Xx

emeraldgirl1 · 25/05/2014 21:59

Sorry this shows I am typing in a hurry! In above thread I kept saying OP when I meant YOU sillybluehat :) Sorry elpheba too! V v v glad to see you are about to start with ann :)

MinginInTheRain · 28/05/2014 19:34

Thanks Joesmummy1 - that's just what I wanted to hear! Will get in touch with her.

Chiswickmummy1 · 31/05/2014 17:43

Joesmummy1, Thank-you so much, Sian from Sleepbabies came over yesterday... So so lovely and made us feel we could do it. We start tonight so fingers crossed.

Joesmummy1 · 01/06/2014 08:03

Chiswick Mummy1-so glad you liked her; she was perfect for us but understand it is personal what works for people.
How was the first night? Our first night was manageable and I felt I was doing something constructive. Day 3 for me was the most difficult as he seemed to really resist being put down when he was sleepy rather than 'sparko'. What worked for us was the support from Sian over the weeks following. Good luck !!!

Roopachoo · 02/06/2014 00:36

Hi all, following this thread with interest... have had a look at Ann Caird's website and really wanted to give her a go but there's a notice up saying she's not taking on any new families at this point?? Has anyone worked with her recently? I know her plans are highly individualised, but could someone tell me the kind of thing she suggests?

We are looking to break our feeding to sleep co-sleeping set up with our 6 mo DS. We would be happy to continue if it still worked, but he no longer falls asleep bfing, can't be patted/shushed and bedtime is just hours of screaming at the moment. We have a pretty solid bedtime routine as have older DD in a good routine.