CC - Please, anyone out there, I need support thru this...

[Lilypie]

DD (14 months) is absolutely screaming. Its the first night of CC and I'm feeling so desperately guilty but I know I have to get thru these few days. She's become so clingy, have taken her to GP to check nothings wrong, and she's fine but waking 4-5 times a night and cried until I cuddle her back to a v deep sleep and as this takes an hour or so each time I am getting no sleep, this is going on about 6 weeks, it started with the hot weather and she would wake up hot and sweaty and be upset.
God, I so badly want to pick her up... she's screaming. Everytime I go in she gets worse.
Is anyone out there who can give me some encouragement to see this thru...?

For some it is true it does not work as with most things, but for others it worls perfectly well.

Do what ever you wish lily, if cc doesn't seem to be for you then don't do it, but if it is what you want then go for it.

If you need any further help then I will be happy to msn with you, but I don't think I shall post on this thread any further.

I don't think a baby can have "bad habits"

she is just asking to have her needs met. It's a good habit for her to ask for comfort from you and be given it, it's how things should be. You are obviously feeling very distressed by ignoring her instead of going in to her as your instincts are telling you to do. Your instincts are there for a very good reason - millions of years of evolution have made you want to go and pick your baby up, because that's what's best for her.

I must pop off for a while but will check back later!
Ultimstely it's your decision Lilypie but as Franny says, there are alternatives if this is not your thing.

We are not debating whether it works flutterbee, but whether it is the right thing for lilypie's baby. We all know cc works.

sorry franny but one person has already said there are better ways and another that their baby would have felt abandoned if they had tried cc, that infortunately is my cue to leave the thread.

When i did CC with my daughter I felt all the same conflicting feelings. then i told myself that it wouldn@t be the first or last time in our lives that i did something for our benefit that we didn't necessarily enjoy at the time.

She drank some water yes.
I think I'm doing more crying than dd right now.

I wish we could do something to help you lilypie What do you feel you want at the moment?

Flutterbee do you normally leave a thread as soon as someone disagrees with you? My god my forays on here would be short and sweet if I followed that rule

Hi lilypie, hope you are ok, how is your dd now? its ok to be feeling the way you are, she is your baby and you are just feeling upset at hearing her crying. i wish that i could say something which would help you feel that it would be ok. the truth for me was that with my ds i tried cc and now wish i hadnt. looking back now, i know that waking through the night was such a short and normal phase,at the time i just thought that he should be sleeping through. with my dd, i have more realistic expectations and feel a lot happier for it.

lilypie, are you ok?

Franney - I have met her needs, believe me I have. All she's asking for right now is to be cuddled to sleep which for the first 12 months of her life she did not need, she's only asking for it now cos she recently had a spell of waking and I had to pick her up to cool her off and she's figured out it's nice to be cuddled and that happens when she cries at night. If that's not a bad habit I don't know what is.

Of course I'm upset to hear her cry, it's breaking my heart but I have no option really, she won't co-sleep as u suggest, she cries even more or thinks it's playtime and spends the night sticking her fingers up my nose etc.

Millions of years of evolution have also made people have a survival instinct and if I don't get sleep soon I'm going to go under so if you don't mind I'll think about what's best for ME aswell as whats best for my child.

I appriciate your sentiments but I know my daughter very well and what you suggest would not work for her.

By the way, she's asleep now. Thank you to everyone who offered me support and advice, it means a lot to me.

I didn't make any suggestions Lilypie, I don't know enough about your dd or your situation to be able to do that. I think I could make some suggestions if you decide you don't want to continue with the cc and could tell us a little more about what has been happening.

I don't think wanting to be held is a bad habit and I am sorry that you think a young child like this is capable of bad habits. I don't really know what else to say, except that you know where to come if you want to talk about ways to help you both get more sleep.

No franny I dont fgs, I generally slug out my corner or totally ignore the other posters if I feel they are incapable of proper debate. However tonight I am not in the mood to take part in yet another thread where one persons parenting choice is ripped apart, and although your comments have been informed and supportive other peoples have been unhelpful and judgemental.

Please do not jump on me just because I choose not to take part anymore.

Lily glad to hear your dd has gone off now, feel free to e-mail me or msn me if you need and help or support on another night -- flutterbee at hotmail dot com

I'm sorry flutterbee, I did apologise about my posts, I am sorry lilypie that I didn't offer the support you asked for.

Do hope you are not referring to me flutterbee!

Fwiw, we were only offering an alternative to someone who sounded very upset and not entirely comfortable with her choice. If she is absolutely set on CC hen she wiull do it whatever anyone says but it's good to throw in a little of the other side isn't it?
Don't think anyone was slating her. Infact i am incredibly restrained so as not to hurt others feelings on the matter!

Its OK trinity I don't hold grudges I have said things on here and then re-read it and thought damn I shouldn't have put that.

Well, I think trinity is entitled to her opinion as well and I don't think she said anything offensive. She is a parent too, and gave her thoughts on how her child would react to cc. The OP was asking for opinions and information and I feel she got a lot of concerned posters, all trying to help.

Thanks Franney, sorry, just re-read and realised the co-sleeping advice was not from you, my appologies.

What are your suggestions for alternatives?
I am not being narrow minded, I'm just desperately tired and I know CC works fairly fast.

Perhaps "bad-habit" is the wrong way of phrasing it, I believe that by cuddling her back to sleep when she cries is teaching her all the wrong things. She has settled herself to sleep and back to sleep no problem until 6 weeks ago so I know she's perfectly capable of it and she gets so many cuddles during the day, I just believe that waking and crying just for a cuddle is a bad habit I've taught her, yes.

Lilypie, like you, we decided to do CC with our DD after a period of needing to be fed/rocked to sleep (following cold and teething). We were perfectly happy to keep doing it (the rocking/feeding to sleep), but it stopped working and she was then awake for up to 2 hours in the middle of the night! And the lack of sleep wasn't doing her or us any favours. It took about 4 nights in total, but we really haven't looked back since (she is now 13 months). I know some people find it wrong, but you know your daughter best, and if this is what you have decided you need to do (and I am sure it wasn't an easy decision) for her and your good, then good luck with it!

Erm, well, co-sleeping would have been my first suggestion too

But if it is not for you I understand.

I wish I could change your mind about this 'bad habit' thing. Babies have needs, they cry, we respond. It's a good thing. Your dd went to sleep by herself until recently - now her needs have changed. You haven't done anything wrong. She is older and more alert and more aware. She has the beginnings of an imagination and knows that you are around somewhere and not with her. She wants you there to give her the security and warmth that she associates from being with her mother. These are all good things.

The problem is you need more sleep. Now the easiest way to get that IMO is to co-sleep, but you have said you don't want to do that. I would try reading through the other suggestions on Dr. Sears' website - like me he is a big fan of co-sleeping but has plenty of other ideas too.

I would also recommend the book the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley which is a very child centred and gentle method. I think you would relate to it as it gently teaches different sleep associations so that your dd would be able to settle herself without you.

I had very interrupted nights with ds for a long time, so I really can sympathise with the lack of sleep. I found going to bed earlier and where possible having a rest during the day helped me a lot, along with trying to look at night times from a different perspective and not expect to have a full night's sleep every night. Tbh if your dd has been sleeping through then you have been lucky up till now. Being a parent can mean disturbed nights and it is very hard at times. However like everything else, it will pass.

I hope something here might strike a chord with you but if not, keep asking. There are as many different ways to deal with disturbed nights as there are mothers on here

How are things now Lilypie?

Franny of course everyone is entitled to their opinion, I'm the last person to ever try and stop someone having their say.

All I did was say I was leaving the thread and I made it clear that it was because I didn't want to get into anything tonight, I didn't think their was anything wrong with that but obviously I was wrong. On normal night I would happily chatter away about the pros and cons of each side.

Flutterbee of course you must post when you want to, and not when you don't. I'm sorry if I gave a different impression.

I am hoping Lilypie has gone to bed herself. Lilypie, if you are still here GET SOME SLEEP

I think it's important not to make lilypie feel 'guilty' that she's not giving her dd what she wants. We all have to refuse our kids what they want when it's not good long term for their or our health.

My dd did something very similar to yours at 15 months old, lilypie. She'd slept happily and easily on her own since she was about 10 weeks old. Initially we all slept in the same bedroom, open to the idea of co-sleeping but dd didn't ever sleep in bed with us. When she was 7 months old we moved out of her room all with no problem. Then she was ill for a few weeks and we stayed up with her in the night a lot and a very similar pattern started where she'd just want us to get her out of her cot on and off all night. It totally wore us out. She wouldn't sleep with us or without us. We tried everything as were instinctively against the idea of cc. Then we read Richard Ferber and what he says about 'sleep associations' which is maybe more appropriate than 'bad habits' at this age. We used cc to change her sleep associations back to what they had been and had 2 weeks which were hard then she slept brilliantly again. She's 4 now and has absolutely no recollection of us doing cc with her. She's completely unafraid of the dark or her room or her bed or any of the things that are meant to happen after cc. Often she asks me if she can go to bed as she 'loves to sleep' and looking back I'm really glad we went through those 2 weeks as we all get a good sleep every night. I also do now, curiously, co-sleep with dd a little now she's in her own bed - for me, rather than her, I have bad insomnia at about 5am and I find if I snuggle up in her bed, her calm sleeping helps me get back to sleep.

Good luck, make sure you're doing cc by the letter, do it the gentlest way you can, i.e. leaving her for only VERY brief periods of time before going in and repeating that it's time to sleep.

Good morning, yes I did go to bed at about 9:30 last night and dd slept until 6am!!!!
I'm still pretty traumatised by the evening's events tho and not so sure I could face it again tonight. I'll put her down as normal and see what happens. Thanks to everyone who helped me get through what was a horrible 2 hours, I hope I wont be posting again in desperation tonight!

Franny - I'll get the No Cry Sleep Solution, I've looked at it before. I'm open to suggestions on how to help dd sleep!
We used to co-sleep with dd up until she was 7-8 months old if she was poorly or teething and had no trouble getting her back into her cot after a few nights of it but she just wont sleep with us now, our bed is her playground and she LOVES being in it with us but not to sleep! If I bring her in in the night all it means is that none of us get any sleep!!!

I know I've been blessed with my daughter, she's amazing and continues to amaze me daily with her wonderful ways. The sleep thing is a blip, thats all and once she's back to 12 hours a night I'll be a happy mummy again!