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Sleep

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Original poster

Help! She just won't go to sleep unless we're in the same room - I want to sit down!

19 replies

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:18

Hi all,
Dd is 18 months and up until the last month was an absolute star at going to bed (I know, I know, I'm due a rude awakening....here it is! )All of a sudden she's having her story, lullaby, music on and...waaaaaaahhhhhhhh, for hours if we don't go up (we obviously don't leave her for that long but with inbetween visits she can go for 2 hours!) The only way she'll go to sleep is if either myself or my Dh are in the room with her. We've had to do this for the last month and it can result in spending an hour just sat in the dark in her room. This can't go on, it means I don't see Dh as by the time he or I get out then I'm ready to go to sleep myself. Has anyone else had this? How did you break the cycle?

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KBear · 03/08/2006 20:22

I shut the door, turned the lights off and sat at the top of the stairs crying and after two nights she got the hint! I was exhausted with singing her to sleep and going back endlessly so was advised to "get tough". It is tough on you but it works. I didn't do the going in and out every five minutes business, I was firm! Lots of stories, lots of kisses and hugs then a firm "night night, time for sleep" and left the room.

Good luck

Tinker · 03/08/2006 20:22

Have it now with 14 month old - no idea how to crack it. My 9 year old became like this at 2. Had to sit holding her hand. Would go on for hours. But eventually got it down to about 2 minutes (when she was about 5!). Am sure there is a shorter way but what?

Original poster

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:25

Maybe that's it - get tough! It is just so exhausting going in and out, reading endless stories, singing myself sore and so on.

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hairymclary · 03/08/2006 20:27

have you tried the gradual withdrawal method? It could be a separation anxiety thing, so understandable and totally normal, not just her being a big naughty iyswim?
I would try just sitting with her until she goes to sleep. Then the next night you sit a bit further away but stay in the room, and so on and so forth until you are sitting at the door.
Then you go outside the door, and if she calls just rep;ly that you're still there. make some noises if necessary so she knows you're still about.
and then just wean it off from there. it's a nice method.

CADS · 03/08/2006 20:28

Does she nap during the day? If it is taking her an hour to go to sleep in the evening, it could be that she can reduce her day sleep.

I sympathise with you. We have to stay with ds (2.5 years) till he goes to sleep but it only takes 15-20mins. He usually falls asleep during the bedtime story. He doesn't have naps anymore but if he does sleep during the day, he won't go to sleep until 9pm the earliest.

He use to go to sleep really nicely but after several illnesses and arrival of dd everything went out the window.

I haven't ever been able to do CC so I'm happy with our current 'situation'.

Hopefully, there will be loads of advice from others who have been able to sort it out.

Original poster

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:29

Not heard of that one, but it sounds good. Perhaps I'll give that a try before the 'cold turkey'! Wish me luck.

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theladyvanishes · 03/08/2006 20:31

oh i know what you are going through, dd was like this (she is 13mths) i started giving her her cuddle, song and laying her down to cuddle her pooh bear saying night nigth and leaving the room, she'd cry and be standing up so i would cuddle lay down and leave, she would cry again but i left her a little bit longer and repeat the process but each time giving her a little longer to settle which she eventually did. I must say we do still have bad nights with her (like tonight) but i think thats always going to happen

Original poster

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:31

She generally does nap during the day, about an hour. Is she too young to drop the nap?

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CADS · 03/08/2006 20:32

BTW, Hairymclary method worked really well with us until ds turned 2.

CADS · 03/08/2006 20:40

DS use to have one 2hr nap until he was 23 months. So I don't think she is having too much sleep during the day. What time does she wake up from her nap? We never let ds sleep pass 2pm otherwise it would affect his bedtime.

Even now he could still do with a nap but refuses to have it. I have to keep him awake until bedtime. Sometimes, he falls asleep while I'm busy doing other things. Yesterday, he fell asleep on my bedroom floor while I was bathing dd. If it's after 6pm, I just put him to bed and that's it till morning. Not the best way of doing things but it works for us. No doubt just like everything with parenting it will most probably backfire on us in a few months.

Original poster

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:43

I think this is the problem CADS, she naps at around 2pm till 3pm and goes to bed around 8 - ideally I'd like it to be earlier to bed but she won't nap earlier!

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morningpaper · 03/08/2006 20:45

When my dd started feeling this way I introduced her to the CD Player. She was a big fan of Cat Stevens, so if she was good she was allowed to listen to her Cat Stevens CD. Generally she would go to sleep although sometimes she would listen to the whole CD! Might be worth a try with stories/music.

Original poster

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:47

She has her classical music cd on MP but I do have story CD's, perhaps I should try those?

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CADS · 03/08/2006 20:47

Maybe she is ready to drop it. That's what started happening with ds, he started napping later and later. So I stopped letting him nap. If he has had a bad night and didn't sleep properly then I have to take him for a drive late morning so that he falls asleep and has a nap otherwise by 3-4pm he is impossible and falls asleep on the couch/floor.

morningpaper · 03/08/2006 20:48

Definitely worth a try! I took the line that "You CAN have the CD player on and listen to a CD like daddy does sometimes before he goes to sleep. I will come and check on you in 10 minutes but if you make a fuss then I will turn it off." I made out that listening to a CD was the Biggest Treat Ever.

lovecloud · 03/08/2006 20:48

I think this happens to most people - my dd was a star at sleeping and dont worry she still is but she also went through this and it lasted for 3 months!

We tried most things, she even had us tickling her hand for about an hour.

In the end, I would read her a story, give her a kiss and tell her I would stay in the room for awhile but she must not talk to me, if she talks mummy will leave. I sat on a chair ir floor near the door so she could see me and I sat sideways to her so I was not making any eye contact with her.

After a week or so of doing this, she got bored of it and I would start saying I am just going to the loo and made each trip longer and longer.

Once you start dont go back - stick in there, I ts very annoying but it will pass

Tinker · 03/08/2006 20:51

In the end, I would read her a story, give her a kiss and tell her I would stay in the room for awhile but she must not talk to me, if she talks mummy will leave.

Will remember that trick, like it.

lovecloud · 03/08/2006 20:53

sounds quite harsh the way i typed that - i would say that but it kinder words... im not a nast mummy really

Original poster

HonorMatopoeia · 03/08/2006 20:55

Don't worry, you didn't come across as nasty mummy! Some very good ideas on here, think I'll be printing the thread off and trying them one by one!

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