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Original poster

How quickly to respond when 8.5 mo baby cries at night?

13 replies

aberjen · 01/02/2014 15:48

My 8.5 month old has never been a great sleeper, but it's really deteriorated and for the last couple of weeks she's been waking about 5-6 times a night.

Books and DP keep telling me not to respond straight away, to see if she can settle herself back to sleep. That's fine, but the books don't seem to say how long to leave it! Are we talking a few seconds? A minute? 2 minutes? I am extremely uncomfortable with leaving her to cry for any length of time, partly due to my own issues - bonding didn't happen instantly, it's taken time and effort and I'm terrified of doing anything to jeopardize the wonderful bond that DD and I have now.

We are also planning to try some gentle sleep training soon, probably gradual retreat, but need to sit down with DP first to properly work out a plan that we can agree on and follow consistently.

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rubyslippers · 01/02/2014 15:54

at this age if it was a quick cry that lasted seconds and she went back to sleep i wouldn't go in

however, and IME the longer you leave a young baby to cry the harder it is for them to resettle so i personally wouldn't leave her

im a big believer in the shush and pat - enough reassurance for them without picking them up which can wake them up more

ilovepowerhoop · 01/02/2014 15:55

I would give her at least a few minutes to settle before going in. How do you settle her once you go to her?

rubyslippers · 01/02/2014 15:55

and if it make YOU uncomfortable that is your gut telling you NOT to

i did everything you aren't meant to - feeding to sleep, co sleeping etc etc and i don't regret it as it meant not leaving her to cry, especially in the early months

SunnyL · 01/02/2014 16:01

Mine is 7.5 months and won't settle herself at all if she's got to the point where she is crying. We've tried leaving her for all sorts of different lengths of time. None of them works.

The thing that has helped us was introducing a 'softie' which they recommend in the No Cry Sleep Solution. She has a bunny that she sleeps with in the day time and gets it in her cot at night as well. She quite often 'chats' to her bunny when she wakes up and can resettle herself. But if she's started to cry there is nothing for it other than a cuddle and a bottle.

Sorry if that doesn't help.

Original poster
aberjen · 01/02/2014 18:48

Thank you for the replies. ilovepowerhoop she currently feeds to sleep. She used to easily sleep 4+ h and one magical night did a 10-hour stretch, but lately we're lucky if she does 3 h. Co-sleeping was helping a bit but not even that seems to be helping now. Going to start gradual retreat tonight and have agreed with DP to leave her for 1 min once she starts up before going in to her. Think it's going to be a looong night...

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Original poster
aberjen · 01/02/2014 18:50

SunnyL thanks, that's helpful to know, as have been debating introducing a comforter Smile

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RandomMess · 01/02/2014 18:51

I would focus on stopping feed her to sleep. What ever she needs to go to sleep during the day and evening she is going to need in the middle of the night...

I would introduce a comforter and stop feeding to sleep.

I personally went by the type of the cries, any distress and I'd be there in seconds but that half asleep wail can be ignored IYSWIM.

Original poster
aberjen · 01/02/2014 19:15

Thanks random, totally agree, it's been convincing DP that's been tricky, hence compromise on when to respond. We'll see how it goes...

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sleepyhead · 01/02/2014 19:22

It depends so much on the baby ime, which books don't really cater to.

Ds1 was an ok sleeper, but didn't suck his thumb, had no comfort object until he was 2, and when he cried there was no way he'd settle. I was as well going straight away and saving us all some grief.

Ds2 wakes more at 9mo than ds1 did, but sucks his thumb and about 50 percent of the time will settle himself so I leave it a couple of minutes before going to him.

teacher123 · 01/02/2014 19:45

I think the advice to leave them a bit is good when they've got a way to settle themselves, whether that's a dummy, comforter, toy, whatever. DS sucks his thumb and so if he cries in the night I leave him for a minute or two to see if he settles back, and I've done that since he was about 6mo. However if he ever does the 'mummy it's an EMERGENCY' cry, I go straight in and find out what he needs!

RandomMess · 01/02/2014 19:55

I also agree is that different babies/children react differently and one rule doesn't work for all.

Original poster
aberjen · 02/02/2014 17:46

Thanks again for replies. Started gradual retreat last night - rubbing her back (tummy sleeper) to soothe her instead if bf to sleep. She stirred a couple of times, grizzling/v brief crying, but resettled herself within seconds - hurrah! Only 2 full-on wake-ups. So, think I've established that any l

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Original poster
aberjen · 02/02/2014 17:48

Bugger, posted too soon. Established that if she cries any longer than a few seconds then she'll keep going until someone intervenes. Feeling more confident about when and how to respond now Smile

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