My 6 week old will only sleep if its on me -help!

[SadPander]

Hi, my son is 6 weeks old now (although he was 4 weeks early so is still quite little). Up until about 1 week old he slept fine with me waking him for feeds every three hours as advised by the hospital. By two weeks he was sleeping fine in moses basket during the day but wanted to be held all night and this has just gotten progressively worse until at 6 weeks I can barely put him down (he's fine in his bouncer or mat, but when it comes to sleeping he wants to be held by someone all the time).

I've tried warming his moses basket, investing in a cocoonababy, using a swaddle thing, lavender room spray, massage oil, the baby whisperer book, the contented baby book, a dummy ......... at best I can get him down and to sleep and occasionally he will stay there for 30 mins- 1 hour but thats it. When he wakes he then wants feeding and settling before I can try to put him back down, so I end up spending more time on settling him to put him in his moses than he actually spends in it.

If I let him sleep on me then he sleeps pretty well, but I'm worried its not safe for him to be sleeping on my chest, and also that I'm making a rod for my own back. For the same reasons I'm not keen to try co-sleeping but would appreciate any suggestions!

You can't make a rod for your own back with a little baby, they don't get into bad habits.

Are you breastfeeding? If so I would look into safe co-sleeping.

When DD was like this, I found propping her on her side with a rolled up blanket at her back helped - might have been because she was born in a freezing November and was cold or it might have helped her feel more secure? The midwives at hospital showed me how to do it. She was quite mucos-y so I think that made her uncomfy on her back too. The other thing I did was sleep with my hand on her tummy - uncomfortable for me as I had to lie with arm over side of basket, but she like the contact and I wasn't stressing about co-sleeping. We also played white noise apps on our ipods (which I found v soothing too!). More recently, some of my friends have had success with poddle pods - might be worth looking up - hard to explain but have a google, think they're meant to make baby feel a bit more secure.

Good luck, I'm dreading returning to this stage when the next one arrives in a few weeks, but it does pass!

My 8 week old is like that, and so was his big brother. We co sleep at night and I wear him in a Kari me sling in the day. The monute i try to put him down he wakes up. Its a pain but i know from DS1 that there is no point fighting it. Two things you just cant force a child to do:eat and sleep. Don't worry about all that nonsense about rods and backs. Just do whatever you need to to make life as easy as possible, he will grow out of it and then you'll be on to the next challenge.

I understand your fear of starting bad habits, but really, when they are this little, you just need to do what feels easiest. They will not take on bad habits until much, much later. If your baby wants to sleep on you, just let him! He'll be so much happier for it. And happy baby = happy relaxed mum.

My dd only wanted to sleep on me for the first few weeks, we co-slept at night and I carried her in a sling in the day. From about 6 weeks she gradually started becoming more independent (iykwim). At 10 weeks she was sleeping in her cot, at 12 weeks she was falling asleep on her own. And I didn't do anything for it to happen, I guess her little brain just started maturing.

Thanks everyone, that is exactly what I wanted to hear (second only to miracle cure/solution!) So many people keep saying I will make him needy and dependant on me and create bad habits. He's my first so I'm terrified of doing this all wrong and creating a little monster! But having him sleep on me means I get some sleep and he is really contented. At what age do you think I should be worrying about bad habits and dependancy issues?

Also does anyone have any thoughts on the safety aspect of this - SIDS guidlines say he should sleep on his back, but sleeping on me he is almost always laying on his front on my chest? Would I be safer to try and co sleep with him in the bed next to me so that he can sleep on his back?

Thanks so much.

Babies are supposed to be dependant on you! I've always just done what works now, and once it stops working we do something else. It's a complete myth that you have to get everything perfect right from the beginning or your child is ruined forever - even now at aged 3.5 years, if DS gets into a habit we don't want to continue long term (like sleeping in our bed during an illness) it has only taken a few days to "fix" things.

I wouldn't worry about "dependancy issues" either - the more you can make them secure and confident they can depend on you, the more they will be confident in becoming independent. It's the securely attached babies who are most adaptable and flexible.

I would imagine sleeping on your chest is fairly safe from a SIDS point of view (your breathing will keep him breathing, you will notice very quickly if anything is wrong) but the danger is he could roll off and get trapped and suffocate. I would go for him co-sleeping next to you in the bed if you are breastfeeding. There's some information about safe bedsharing here www.unicef.org.uk/Documents/Baby_Friendly/Leaflets/caringatnight_web.pdf

This is normal, he's too young, wait a bit

Totally normal. I ended up co sleeping with DD, they just want to be close to you for comfort and to feel safe. It's a big cold world!

Check out KellyMom for brilliant advice on many things inc safe cosleeping. DD is now happy in her cot (transitioned at about 4/5 mo) but sometimes when I miss her she comes in bed with me, she's 14mo now

Same here with my ds1 - and he's 9!

We had no trouble getting then to sleep in Moses baskets, cots, travel cots once they were a bit bigger, tht rod stuff is bolocks in my experience. Enjoy this lovely snugly time now because it goes so quickly and next week he will be at school refusing to kiss you in public

Thanks everyone. I feel the same in that I want him to be able to rely on me/feel safe with me and hopefully this will make him more confident and independant in the long run. Just difficult when everyone in real life seems to disagree and refers to him as difficult. I will have a look at the safe co sleeping guidlines and mayve reconsider this.

SadPander, if it makes you feel better - in the early days I went to a baby café and told the lovely lactation consultant pretty much the exact same thing you're telling us. She told me that a) almost everyone ends up co-sleeping with their baby in the beginning - they just won't admit to it. And b) sleeping with your baby on you or next to you is actually really safe, since you're so attuned to them. (you're right to go have a look at the safety guidelines though)

Your ds is not being "difficult"! he's being a perfectly normal baby - hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have conditioned babies to want to be with their parents 24/7. It's the idea that babies should sleep on their own from day 1 that is unnatural!

Thanks Chacha - its good to know that this seems relatively normal and common, everyone seems to have an independant little baby thats happy to nap by themselves in the day and sleep thrpugh the night! Possibly they are all lying though!

Ds is now having a very grumpy couple of days (hoping its just a couple of days anyway!) screaming at the slightest thing for hours and not feeding well - hoping just a virus or something but right now I'd happily settle for him being permenantly attached to me so long as he was happy :(

I wouldn't be surprised if they were lying SadPander... I know people do, because I was shocked to realize my own dh does! He was talking to his friend on the phone the other day, and basically bragging that our dd sleeps through the night and never cries unless hungry. Now, she's a pretty good baby, but that's a massive exaggeration (unless you take "sleeping through the night" to mean 11pm-4am, which I don't). So there!

As I said earlier, don't worry for now - I was really worried that my dd would only sleep in her sling or on me, but she's been growing out of it on her own. She started improving around 10-11 weeks - at first I realized I could rock her to sleep in her bouncer/basket, then one day she magically accepted to be transferred to her own bed after falling asleep on me, and then a little while later she started falling asleep in her bed. Now I wish I hadn't wasted precious time and energy worrying about a non-problem.

And sorry your ds is not feeling well right now... I'm sure he'll be back to his snuggly little self soon

You have really reasured me, thanks so much. I'm going to try to just relax and enjoy him wanting to be so close and snuggly (once the grumpiness passes!)

SadPander I could have written this - still can in a way :) E refused to sleep anywhere but my chest for 6 weeks, then suddenly started to wriggle down in between us about a fortnight ago. She now sleeps on her back between us fine, and we're hoping that soon she'll feel okay to sleep in her basket. We're managing to get her in there for short periods at the moment, gradually building it up as we can. She's had her jabs today though, so is needing lots of cuddles today :)

It's almost as if she just needs to do this on her own terms, and in her own time :)

I coslept with dd for the first 6 months. She'd only sleep on me or next to me. Never in a Moses, crib or cot. When it was time for a change at 6 months it was relatively painless to get her into a cot in her own room, so just do what you and your baby need to for this moment. Everything will fall into place when you're ready for it.