PLEASE HELP! 5 month old is waking often and wont settle

[shatteredboo]

I apologise in advance for the rambling nature of this post - sleep deprivation is an arse! I am hoping some wise mumsnetters will be able to offer some advice or solace that I'm not the only one going through this.

My 5 month old DS is really having a bad time of it at night, I fell terrible for the little man and I am starting to slowly lose my mind and faith that things will get any better!

He has never really been a great sleeper - day time naps have always been a huge battle and he will only sleep for 30 mins each nap, despite all our best efforts to extend - shush/pat, wake to sleep etc, etc. So as a result he is having around 5 30 min naps a day - wake time of around 90 minutes in between - any longer and we have a meltdown. NOt sure if this is really an age appropriate nap schedule, but as I feel like taking celebratory naps around the garden when I do get him to actually sleep - it's the only thing that works (ha!) at the moment. I am quite a stickler for him keeping to these naps (obviously only attempting a nap if he is clearly tired) as I am so concerned about his sleep affecting his development - there are only enough hours in the day for him to have 2.5 hours of sleep in total - could this be affecting his night sleep??

At night, he goes down at 6-6.30 after a lovely relaxing routine - bath, massage, feed etc - we try to make it as calming as possible - lights down low, soothing music, good massage etc, however, I think we have what is known as a 'spirited baby'. He is still thrashing about, legs and arms going ten to the dozen, shrieking and gurgling etc etc.
After a bath, we go to the bedroom for a feed (BF) where we swaddle him. We have found it impossible to get him to go to sleep at all without being swaddled. If I am completely honest, he is being fed to sleep - but I find it so difficult to keep him awake! I really have tried to keep him awake while he's feeding so he's awake when I put him down, but he just keeps dropping back again.

So.....he sleeps from 6.30 ish to around 1 or 2.30 where he wakes and I feed him. I know he shouldnt need night feedings now but nothing else seems to settle him back down. This I could cope with, but he is then waking again at 4.30, 5 ish and then is awake for the day. I am reluctant to feed him again as think this is reinforcing the night waking, we have tried shush/patting him, ignoring him, but he is determined this is when he starts his day.

This is KILLING me. Due to short naps that are a nightmare to get him down for, I'm exhausted by the end of the day anyway.
Could it be he has outgrown the swaddle? (he's not rolling over yet) He does seem to struggle a bit when he wakes. We are waiting for a Zipadeezip to arrive hoping this will help us wean him off the swaddle.

I'm going to shut up now - so sorry for very long post. ANY ideas/advice would be greatly appreciated xxxxxx

So basically your baby goes to bed at 6.30, sleeps till 2ish then wakes again at 5.

This for a 5 month old is actually very good. My 6 month old goes in her cot at 7-7.30, sometimes goes to sleep sometimes plays up (last night she didn't settle till 9), wakes at 12, then 3 then 5.30!

Firstly 6.30 is early to put baby to sleep, maybe that is why he's refusing to go to sleep. Can you not stretch it to 7.30? Then after a week or so he'd be waking at 6am with one night wake.

As for daytime naps again it's very common to cat nap at this age. 5x 30 mins again is good! My dd has 3x this at most and sometimes she only manages 10 mins here and there. They will begin to put sleep together in blocks when they get older, about a year.

I think that's a pretty good sleep pattern for a 5 month old! So you are getting a 6 hour stretch at one go? Unfortunately it's early on in the evening so doesn't fit in with your sleep pattern but you may jusy hve to accept that you need to go to bed early til the phase passes.

5 month old s are very much still in need of a feed at night if they want one so don't feel bad about that.

To make you feel better, my 5 month old woke every 30-90 minutes last night.

I think you are doing great!

X post with cupcake and pretty much said the same thing

Night feeds at 5 months is also normal, especially in breastfed baby's.

This is not meant to be horrible in any way but I think your expectations may be too high for a 5 month old.

Once he's on 3 meals a day with milk inbetween then you can consider if night feeds are needed. This will probably not happen till 9 months+

You need to read the book 'no cry sleep solution'
By Gill pantry. Not to necessarily implement what she says but to reset your expectations.

Night feeding
This is normal and critical for babies up to 12 months I would say. Do you never feel hungry or thirsty at night time? Take a sip of water? He may just be thirsty at 5am but you're refusing him a feed. If in doubt, feed him. You will not create any habits that can't be broken.

sleep / naps
It seems from your post you have a high expectation that babies should sleep for a certain number of hours per day. They may do, they may not. Go with his tiredness cues not what time the clock says.

nightwakings
In general, babies and young children wake at night. Could be anything from Being too hot, cold, hungry, thirsty, mind too active as learn to roll / crawl / walk etc, pain (teeth). Many many reasons. It is entirely normal for night wakings to happen. You can try patterns and routines but it may not work for your baby. That doesn't make you a failure it just means you need to try something different to what your doing or accept that it will get better soon.

Take it easy OP, don't put so much pressure on yourself to get a routine for him. He's only 20 weeks old, still getting used to things as are you.

Thanks for your reply. I know it could be a lot worse, I think the main reason I'm getting my knickers in a twist is worrying things wont be any better when I go back to work in June. I know it's a long time in the future but I really can't cope going back to work only getting 4 hours straight sleep before all the waking. (I'm a teacher - Infants and Juniors are exhausting, and will have to spend most evenings working til fairly late).

We used to put him to bed at 7.30, but then brought it forward in an effort to extend his sleep as this was some of the advice we'd read. He goes down quite well at 6.30, although he is being fed to sleep to some extent. We'll try putting his bed time back a little and see if this helps.

Thanks again for your advice, I know I need to look on the positive side and to stop reading all the posts about lucky ladies whose babies sleep 12 hours straight at night and nap for hours at a time. Jealous?? Me???

Your doing great but sound very stressed! June ?! Its months away by then he'll be on solid meals, probably crawling, naps will have condensed.

Also he will be able to understand that no means no and you can teach /train him better. You can do nothing now except relax and take each day as it comes.

Your baby is sleeping about 11hours with one waking! That's amazing!

In your case I'd slowly move towards 7 7.30 in the hope baby eventually wakes closer to 6 6.30.

I have an early riser too, and anything after 6 is psychologically easier to deal with.

Also you must must get to bed earlier. Part of the shock of having a baby is getting used to earlier nights and wakings and a huge shock to the system.

You can Do it, but part of it will be changing your expectations. It's so easy to get hung up on reading about sleep, analysing sleep etc. In your case you have a good baby, so it's time to adjust what you do and your expectations.

6 months is such a long time for a baby. He'll have changed and developed in that time, will be well in to solids etc.

this too shall pass

fails to mention pre toddler and walking stages being utterly exhausting

Other people's stories of "sleeping through" are likely to be 2 out of 7 nights, with similar wakings to what your ds is doing on the other nights. It's swings and roundabouts.

Feeding to sleep is no big deal. You can keep attempting to unlatch him as he's sleepy but it doesn't matter if he doesn't settle straight away. Keep doing it, and alternate who puts him to bed too (DP involvement). It might be you have to go back to him whilst DP is putting him to bed, but it gives you a break too.

Are you catching up on sleep during the day? Even just an hour, it'll make you feel tons better.

Thank you all for your kind replies. I think the general consensus is I need to stop worrying and accept things as they are.

I am a bit of a stress head to be honest - without getting the violins out - we both had a pretty traumatic start together - I had a terrible time delivering him and was left bad tearing, nerve damage and drop foot due to negligence by the hospital,
I have never really felt like I've got myself together after such a struggle to begin with and have found it hard to get things in perspective I think. Anyway - I consider this a kick up the bum and will be more thankful for what is apparently not so bad!!

Many thanks again xxx

Ok not from the POV of your little chap, as you are clearly thinking of him first anyway, but from YOUR POV have you tried co sleeping?

I say this as someone with a just 1yo who has never slept on his own or in a cot (apart from a half hour stretch during the day once or twice!) but who sleeps brilliantly at night, in the same bed as me.

It isn't so much that he is happier, though I suspect my being near reassures him a bit - it's just that when he does wake, it isn't that hard for me. I don't have to get up, or even very upright iyswim.

Walking over to a cot let alone a different room WOULD kill me. But as he's next to me, I barely register waking at night.

He is my third and it's worked for me every time, and I get the most sleep I could possibly be getting, because of co sleeping.

Hope this makes sense. Might be worth a try to see ifyou feel any less wrecked.

Sorry you've had such an ordeal btw - it sounds awful. x x

Thanks Rooners, We have given co-sleeping some thought but I do worry about rolling over on to him! We are getting ready to put him in his own room in around 6 weeks time, and I am not relishing the thought of having to walk down the hall way for night feeds rather than just lift him out of the cot next to me! we'll have to see how it woks out I guess.

Pickle - I am going to bed at 9 at the moment, I'm not sure I could go any earlier as we eat at 7.30 after we've put him down, cleared up etc, not sure my digestion would thank me going any earlier!

A big thank you for all your support, I do feel slightly less loopy now, if a little embarrassed for being daft.... xxxx

That's fair enough - just bear in mind that he doesn't have to move rooms, if it is harder work for you.

Mine have all slept in my room and mostly in my bed till they got to about 4...it hasn't done them any harm

It's your baby, so you must do what you find works best for him and for you both. No matter what the rules are.

btw v hard to roll onto a baby, you would be amazed...you sleep a little lighter though, and I think this actually makes the night waking easier as the contrast between deep sleep and wakefulness is not so great,/

iyswim
nature's way of making our lives easier!

I have a sleep averse baby too. I can't get her to settle in the cot in the day, so I take her for a walk in the pram for day time naps, and a late bed time works best for us as it means her longer sleep period coincides with when we want to sleep. It means giving up a baby free evening, but means you get longer in bed.

That's fair enough - just bear in mind that he doesn't have to move rooms, if it is harder work for you

^ this

Don't take the 6 months in you own room as gospel. It could be much later than that.

There was fat chance of me lugging my arse down the landing to dd's room to feed her 3 times a night when we reached 6 months. She stopped with me until about 11! I also part-co slept in that she went in her bed to begin with but after 1st or 2nd feed (lying down) she slept with me. You don't roll over, you cup him in your under arm.

Don't be embarrassed. We've al been there

Why do you think a five month old shouldn't need a night feed? That is very young. The books I have read talk about six months being the time for dropping night feeds, but even then I think you should be guided by your baby not a silly book. My nine month old definitely still needs a night feed.

And for perspective my five month old was waking 5 to 7 times a night so yours is doing great.

You may want to consider if feeding at his second waking will ge him back to sleep ( though if he is going down at 6 .30 and only waking once h may genuinely have had enough sleep). Even Gina Ford recommends doing whatever it takes to get babies back to sleep if they wake at this time.
As for co sleeping, my son definitely wakes far more frequently if we co sleep. It is a shame as I really loved it but it doesn't work at all for us

It is tough. You are no less of a person for b finding it tough. This is a tricky stage, once new born excitement has worn off and the realities of the daily grind sink in. It's not like this forever. It will get better.

I had a difficult start too, and found it hard to bond initially. Any other operation or similar and you'd come home and hopefully rest for a while and give yourself time to recover. It's just not like that with a baby is it?

It may be your baby is ready to get up in the morning as they've had 11 hours sleep which is fine. I don't think you should leave a baby that's woken up then to cry (not more than a minute or two anyway) and definitely feed. I'm always thirsty when I wake up and baby's have no way to express that thirst other than to cry.

It will pass. Your baby will start to walk and babble and really interest you and surprise you.

However there's not a small number of toddlers who may wake once in the night occasionally. ...

Thank you all again for your support, we've put DS down 20 mins later tonight, so we'll see how it goes! xxx

Good luck! Fingers and toes crossed for you. It may take a few nights of a new routine to adjust.

I really liked the nocry sleep solution (not entirely true - she does mention letting them grizzle for a bit at some stage. ...) as the principles are good. There's separately sections for different age groups and a range of sdifferent strategies.

You could really do with baby having a solid nap at some point simply so you can get some rest and recharge.

It is exhausting. Are you getting breaks from the baby etc etc.

I would do literally ANYTHING to have you dcs routine.
Zuluwarrior - I'm with you and that is with co sleeping.
X

Sorry to hear that flopsybunny. This baby has probably broken me and I'm considering begging the HVS for help tomorrow. I have 2 other kids and can usually cope with anything . I too would do anything for a 6 hour stretch!

That's not to belittle your issues OP. This stage is hard and it does feel like everyone elses' babies are sleeping through and it's only you.

How did it go last night shatteredboo?