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Sleep

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Original poster

Desperate Please Help - 7 Week Old Won't Settle

20 replies

Tinyflutterby · 03/01/2014 21:48

Hi, I hope someone can help, our 7 week old will just not settle down to sleep for naps or bedtime. I put him down at 8pm tonight and it's now almost 10pm and he's still awake and crying intermittently, although he was hysterical for about the first 45 mins.

I don't know what all these different methods entail, but I've been reading Baby whisperer, he has a bedtime routine, regular bedtime, (try) for daytime naps etc. etc. however I am going insane trying to settle him at night. NOTHING is working, I go in regularly to reassure with stroking head/hand on chest and if really upset I'll pick him up and try to settle him, but that just seems to make him worse.

I'm now starting to doubt everything I'm doing, what I should do, how often/when I should go in or would it be better not to keep going in? Believe it or not I also have a 2 year old, but we never had this problem with him. I'm desperate as the crying really upsets me and most of the time I end up crying myself as I just don't know what else to do. Please help.

OP posts:

claudeekishi · 03/01/2014 21:51

Just pick him up love and rock him or feed him to sleep. You'll feel so much better when he's not crying. Forget the books, he's tiny. Congratulations :)

claudeekishi · 03/01/2014 21:53

Just pick him up love and rock him or feed him to sleep. You'll feel so much better when he's not crying. Forget the books, he's tiny. Congratulations :)

Andcake · 03/01/2014 21:55

Poor you. Just give him a cuddle tats why he is crying. It's a big scary world and they are so little. Use a sling in the daytime to help get things done. My ds definitely had no real routine until about 4 months and would mostly only sleep on me or DP. He would cry until picked up then snuggle in.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 03/01/2014 21:55

Forget the books, he's tiny. Co sleep for now imo.

He could have silent reflux? Have you spoken to your HV or GP?

cakebaby · 03/01/2014 22:03

what they said! He's teeny tiny & needs his mummy. Just cuddle him/feed him, its what he needs, enjoy

Original poster

Tinyflutterby · 03/01/2014 22:23

Thanks everyone. I feel so rotten as I don't always pick him up (it is so hard not to, but there is so much conflicting advice around I've got to the stage I don't know what I'm doing anymore), but it only seems to make him worse and he thrashes his arms about like he doesn't want me near him. My DH also mentioned silent reflux so we're going to take him to the children's hospital tomorrow to get checked out in case it is something like that. I would love to use a sling and I actually have one, but unfortunately I also have a chronic back condition and had to have a c section because of it, so I'm afraid it isn't really an option for me to carry him around, as much as I'd love to. I feel like such a failure as his mum I can't calm him and I've just gone back in and resorted to a dummy which has calmed him. I hate using one, but it seems to be the only thing that works. I feel like I don't deserve to be a mum as I'm no good at it.

OP posts:

Chacha23 · 03/01/2014 22:23

I think he's way to small for any of these methods, when they're this young you really want to go on instinct and give them what they want. He probably just want to be close to you... don't worry about setting good habits just yet, plenty of time for that later. Just make him feel safe by cuddling him, you'll both be a lot happier and better rested for it.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 03/01/2014 22:26

You can get rid of the dummy once he's more settled. Try not to worry. If it brings him comfort that's ok. You can limit it to sleep times.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 03/01/2014 22:27

Oh and you're a good Mum! The fact you're on here worrying about him, shows that.

Chacha23 · 03/01/2014 22:27

sorry, my post was pretty repetitive and I didn't see your second post.

you're not a failure! it can be so tough to settle small babies at night, we've all been there. Maybe he's now overtired and finding it even tougher to go to sleep because of it.

regarding the conflicting advice - I would say, forget everything you've read, and trust your instincts. You sound like a great mum, it's tough for everyone until we get to know our babies better. You'll get there. (hugs)

claudeekishi · 03/01/2014 22:28

Hey now you're doing fine, you have a toddler after all :) No doubt you're knackered and possibly still recovering after section.
The advice is conflicting because 'do whatever works' wouldn't sell books! But seriously,do. Get your bed safe and lie down with him if you can, and rest. Milk, dummy and cuddling all vv acceptable right now. Truly.

Ratbagcatbag · 03/01/2014 22:29

You do deserve to be a mum, my dd had reflux and it was awful, screamed throug feeds, arched her back, couldn't sleep at night. Once we got the right meds she was fine. still rubbish at sleeping though at ten months

TheGreatHunt · 03/01/2014 22:31

pick up those books.

AND PUT THEM IN THE BIN.

your baby is tiny. TINY. Yes you've done this before but by the sound of it you had an easy baby and you've probably forgotten just how needy newborns are. I certainly did when I had my second. Once I unclenched a bit, I relaxed and cuddled and even coslept with DD unlike with my PFB where I tore my hair out. Ironically she self settled and naps like a dream unlike her brother.

Both of mine had silent reflux as well so definitely have to go easier on them and yourself.

girliefriend · 03/01/2014 22:34

Why do you feel bad for using a dummy? Sucking is one of the ways a baby has to soothe and comfort themselves. My dd had a dummy and it saved mine and her sanity on many occasions!!

She gave it up at 18mo with no issue.

Why do you feel no good? Are you feeling a bit down generally?

Original poster

Tinyflutterby · 03/01/2014 23:07

Thanks everyone. Think I'm just so knackered as I've not really had any help during my 'recovery time' and have been forced to carry on as normal with housework etc, plus lack of sleep and no time to rest during the day running after a toddler is all taking its toll.

We have been using the dummy a bit during the day as he seems pretty unsettled during awake times and I know it is meant to soothe them, but I didn't want it to become something he relied on to get to sleep. Plus again there is so much controversy over it, like everything to do with babies and children, that mums are made to feel guilty and like they can't do anything right no matter what they do.

TheGreat - what are the signs/symptoms of silent reflux please? All I know is they aren't sick like you would expect like the other kind. He seems to feed/wind ok, although wriggles around quite a bit during feeds but isn't usually sick. He's been on formula now since 2 weeks old.

To be honest the newborn days with my first were such a blur I havn't a clue what we did with him, but it seemed to work out ok in the end as he's a pretty good sleeper now.

I'm trying to get him to nap regularly during the day as I know from experience how lack of sleep affects them and how overtiredness can affect their ability to fall asleep. Barely sleeping myself right enough and now I'm dreading every time I have to put him down.

OP posts:

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 03/01/2014 23:14

I did the dummy fairy at age 3 with my DD. My DS was a thumb sucker. Each one is different. I would give him the dummy if it brings comfort for now. Honestly. Forget what others may think and the books too. Do what works for him and you and forget housework too right now. Just the minimum.

I used gripe water with my DS as Infacol seemed to make him cry harder for some reason. That helped with the squirming.

You'll find your own way soon.

mamafridi · 03/01/2014 23:41

The one true piece of advice I was given was that it is impossible to spoil a newborn. Nothing you do is set in stone until they are at least 6 months or more, but even then things like nap times, dummies and feeds can change so really there is no point in my opinion to even bother trying to set routines.
Plus as one poster said throw those evil books away!

At seven weeks your baby just needs his mum's warmth and love and to be fed. The first three or four months are horrendous - sleep deprivation is hell and on top of that you have a toddler. I really feel for you. All I can say is try to get as much outside help as you can with your toddler, sod all housework and just make the most of your lovely baby because by this time next year you are probably going to really miss how tiny he once was.

TheGreatHunt · 04/01/2014 07:17

With my second I didn't bother with a regular routine until she was around 4/5 months and she didn't settle into a regular pattern until 6 months. I kept her in the sling, even when at home, which made it much easier for day naps as I didn't have to stress about putting her in the cot.

silent reflux signs

Mine were wriggly, hiccupy, preferred being upright and would bring up very small bits of curdled/clear liquid. It could also be an intolerance to formula.

The other thing to rule out is tongue tie which is similar in symptoms to silent reflux (even if bottle fed).

claudeekishi · 04/01/2014 22:16

How did you get on at the hospital today op?
I really hope your husband is not letting you run around after toddler and do housework! This is a time for tv on and everyone on the couch. Won't be forever.

Original poster

Tinyflutterby · 05/01/2014 13:48

Just an update, we took him to the children's hospital yesterday morning and he has been diagnosed with silent reflux and possible colic also, so has been given infant Gaviscon. We have raised the head of his mosses basket and are keeping him upright more when he's awake. They told us it may take a couple of weeks to see a difference but we are so relieved that we now have some answers and looking back, all the signs and symptoms fit and everything makes sense. Now we can work towards dealing with it as we know what's going on. He only took about 20 mins to settle last night which was a huge improvement. Thanks for all the advice and support.

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