3wo only sleeps on me.

[ancelynthecraven]

Right. The background.
Almost 3 wo born by EMC at 38 w. She feeds every 2 hours during the day and sleeps between feeds.
At night she refuses to sleep in her basket and seems to be feeding all the time.
She'll feed and nod off I'll try to transfer her to her basket and she'll be in it for 5 minutes before waking and crying and will only settle when fed again.
DH will take her into spare room and try and settle her but this can take an hour and then she starts to root and comes back to me.
Is it too early to try and establish a routine because she was an early baby,or could I/ we try other tricks at night?
TIA

Hi Ancelyn, are you bf or bottle feeding? If bf it could be that she's just constantly hungry at night and that's why she's not settling. Your milk production tends to be lower in the evenings and highest at something like 5-6am. I always did one ff at bedtime to make sure she was full for 3 or 4 hours.

But as for the sleeping on you - she's tiny, she's freaked out at being in the world all of a sudden, and she doesn't want to be on her own in bed. I also had an EMCS and am convinced that having a dramatic birth makes it take longer for a little one to settle in the world. Wanting to sleep on you is normal, honestly. She could also not like lying on her back in a basket, it's the anti-SIDS advice so you have to do it but it's quite an unnatural position for a baby who's been curled up in the womb all that time. I seem to remember DD improving at about 2 months but try to make her basket as comfy as possible. I bought a sheepskin for her to lie on and would have that on my lap while I fed her at night, then transferred the sheepskin with her on it iykwim. It worked sometimes!

Also I do think routine helps - you won't see the benefits now but by 2-3 months it will start to sink in. I always gave her a bath then made sure after her bottle she went to bed in a darkened room with lullabies playing. Even if she was howling, or woke up again after 5 minutes, it was a signal that it was bedtime and different to daytime sleeps. By about 4 months I was able to put her down awake and she'd put herself to sleep. So hang in there and it will all come good.

Yup, it's really really normal for babies to only sleep on you when they are still tiny (and anecdotally I think this is especially true for any baby born small or early, even slightly early).

It will improve quite soon honestly, and you're not creating bad habits by having her sleep on you. Try her in the basket every few days, you will find she gradually gets better at staying asleep there. The sheepskin tip is good. Similarly I used to wrap DD in a thin blanket when feeding her to sleep, then transfer her wrapped in the blanket, it helped. Propping her on her side also helped. You can also buy things like the Sleepyhead or the Cocoonababy which aim to make a newborn feel happier on their back, but these are pretty expensive for quite a short time of use.

In the meantime, it's about you getting enough sleep somehow. Will she sleep in her basket in the day? If so then try to sleep then as much as you can. At night, I learned to sleep sitting semi upright with Dd lying tummy down on my chest and my arms around her (with multiple pillows to support my back, head and elbows). I was in the middle of a large double bed and it felt safe. Also SIDS advice says this is fine.

There is a growth spurt at about 3 weeks, so don't despair if it feels like she's always feeding and you haven't got enough milk - she is feeding a lot to increase your supply so hopefully this should get easier soon. You could try introducing a bottle at about 4 weeks if you want, do you have a pump to express breastmilk? (best time to express is usually straight after the morning feed) that could enable DP to give a feed and give you a break.

Once she's a few weeks older you could try keeping her awake a little bit more in the day to try to rebalance her day/night perception. However I wouldn't do it now because she still needs so much sleep at this age, you could end up with an overtired baby which is awful (trust me!). Also you may find she sorts out day/night herself in the next week or two.

Good luck - you're doing well.

does her sleeping on you keep you from sleeping? if not... just let her.

DD was the same in the first few weeks, at first I fought it, but then I realized it was a good way for both of us to get some sleep. Try and do it safely obviously (maybe with cushions blocking her so she can't fall), but imo there's nothing wrong with it when they're so tiny. All their instincts are to be as close to you as possible, it's actually pretty natural.

For the record, DD slept on me for maybe a week, then we moved on to co-sleeping, and now (10 weeks) she just moved into her cot for the nights.

DS was the same until we bought him a slumber bear. It was only then he slept in his crib! Obviously he still had nights where he was unsettled but the difference was just amazing. He still fed two hourly but he settled in between which helped.

Thank you so much for your responses . I'm ebf and have done since she was born.
I don't mind her sleeping on me at all but DH is scared of us squishing her by accident.
I'll try the tips regarding the Moses basket as the mattress is an awful plastic covered affair and even with a brushed cotton sheet is crinkly and cold.
I'll look into the sheepskin for her to sleep on.
I'll read properly tomorrow and look more closely at the routines too.

We had this issue with DD. the midwife advised us to warm her Moses basket with a hot water bottle before putting her in it (take it out before baby goes in tho!) and to put something in it that smells of you. Each night, we laid the t-shirt i had worn that day in her basket so she had my smell. It worked really well...

I had this issue to. I stuck with the Moses basket but to be honest I was SO sleep deprived because of it but I thought that's what I had to do. Other users have posted really good suggestions though and most of the things suggested worked for us with persistence.

I remember reading somewhere that the first 3 months out of the womb are like a 4th trimester. I always thought that was lovely. I'm sure googling it will explain better.

I LOVE our co sleeper crib and wish if had it from the start. We bought it off eBay for £70 (the company stock loads) and it's the best £70 I've ever spent. I can give you a link if you're interested. It's a crib with only 3 sides that attaches onto your bed. If you learn to feed lying down you can work it so that when baby wakes during the night you roll towards them for a feed then once they are done you can roll away again. It means mum and baby still have own space but you don't need to fully wake up for feeds it's amazing.

Also Ewan the dream sheep is good, and there's a white noise app by Ipnos called relax melodies.

Good luck!