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Why does my baby cry like this?

5 replies

Celia1978 · 01/01/2014 19:30

DD is 10 months next week and generally a very good sleeper - she sleeps through and can self-settle during the night (on the - rare - occasions we hear her wake up she will shout a couple of times then go back to sleep).

The problem is at bedtime. She HATES going into her cot and screams for usually around 20-30 minutes (though can be longer) until she falls asleep. We don't leave her - we're right there shhing, patting, stroking, just generally trying to get her to go to sleep but she still sounds incredibly angry/frustrated/distressed.

I just don't know what to do to stop bedtime being so awful for her (and us). She has a very regular bath/story/milk routine, is usually very dozy and relaxed when she goes into her cot from the feed (she won't actually go to sleep though. Feeding-to-sleep stopped working a couple of months ago, as did rocking, which was always Plan B), in a dark, quiet room etc.

We were trying a form of gradual retreat (I think - from the What Worked For Us thread on here) a couple of months ago but it basically never got anywhere because we've never got to the stage where we could move away from the cot. I have no objections to sitting in the dark while she faffs/settles/shouts out a couple of times - but this is full-on yelling. I thought the idea was that they got used to putting themselves to sleep! She just never has - though as I say above she can self-settle fine at night.

She's not usually a crier at other times. She takes her naps fine (though in her buggy - I can't face this trauma every morning and afternoon! Plus I want her to actually sleep, not spend an hour crying in her cot). They possibly could be longer, but I think she averages about 2 hours sleep during the day so I don't think it's over-tiredness. Pretty sure it's not teeth or anything like that - she does it every day and has done for a couple of months, whether she's got teeth coming through or not.

Maybe she just hates the idea of missing out on the action by going to sleep!

Sorry, this has turned into an epic and it's probably just one of those mysterious things. But if anyone has any ideas (or experience, and can tell me it will end!) I'd be so grateful to hear it. Thanks!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
minipie · 01/01/2014 22:19

Could be 9 month sleep regression - basically a combination of separation anxiety kicking in and excitement at all the new stuff they are learning. if so then it's hopefully just a phase!

the other possibility is that she might be one of those babies who actually go to sleep better without being stroked, cuddled etc. Have you tried leaving her to it, just for a few minutes? I'm not suggesting CIO or CC, but some babies do find it distracting to be soothed and are better at going to sleep by themselves. Worth a try just once?

MamaPingu · 01/01/2014 22:23

My DS rarely likes being settled to sleep, he nods off a lot easier if I put him down and leave him just coming back to put his dummy in if needs be.

How do you think your DC would react to that?

Celia1978 · 02/01/2014 10:40

Thank you both for replying! I have experimented with leaving the room for a bit - it seems to intensify the crying but perhaps if I gave it a bit longer... I'll try again. Thanks for the suggestion.

OP posts:
HJBeans · 02/01/2014 14:36

No answers, but lots of sympathy - our 5 mo DS is doing just the same, except for several hours each night. It's driving us round the bend as we can't comfort him at all. Again, fine for naps (usually in the bouncer) and absolutely fine self-settling after night feeds. It's just that first settle into the cot for the night that turns dramatic and lasts literally all evening.

Will be watching this thread to see if anyone has any suggestions - this seems a common enough thing if you search 'baby screams before bed', but why does it happen and how can we help it to stop?!

MamaPingu · 02/01/2014 15:54

Hope that it works for you Celia it sounds like you're trying all the right things but maybe for a little longer or a few nights in a row?

It's horrible when there is something wrong and you just can't figure out what, best wishes to you all Envy

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