How do I get my 17 month old to sleep at bedtime without breastfeeding?

[Sleeppurleeze]

I feed my 17 month old to sleep at night (and when he wakes in night) but would like to stop breast feeding now. My question is, how can I get him to sleep without breast feeding now?
I have tried putting him down when he is drowsy but awake and he does seem to self settle if he's had a feed and is very drowsy. But if I try to read his story after his breast feed, or if dh tries to follow the bedtime routine and put him down without a feed ds just shouts then cries.
He does have a cup of milk before bath time, but isn't very interested in it.
I don't know whether to go cold turkey and let dh put him down and try to settle him without feeding? I can't see how this will really work as based on past experience he just screams.
Or whether I should work on feeding and then having story to break the association, though so far haven't been able to do this.
I should add, I've never been able to go down the road of cc, and have a 3 year old I don't want to wake.
I know there's no easy answer but if anyone has any experience of this situation and can share what they did, or has any other ideas, I'd be really grateful to hear them as I don't know where to go with it!

Have a read of the No Cry Sleep Solution. It's all about dropping the feed to sleep.

I know you said you'd like to stop breastfeeding. But they do just grow out of the feed to sleep thing at some point.

I go with feeding until drowsy to start with, slowly reducing the night feed will probably be the least traumatic. breastmilk contains hormones to help them get to sleep, so withdrawing this all at once will probably result in lots of tears at bedtime.

Thanks Iced, I did read the no cry sleep solution a one point, but maybe need to have another look at it.

MigGril, yes, I don't want it to be traumatic.

He's only taking a little bit of milk anyway as I reckon my supply's so low now he only feeds at bedtime and on nights that he wakes up. I tried tonight to make sure he was awake when I put him down, and maybe this is the way forward instead of suddenly stopping. But it feels like I've been trying that for months! I know it sounds selfish but I just want the opportunity to go out now that he's 17 months!

have you tried going out?

I would always time going out so they are fed first, means you maybe need to go out a bit latter. But sometimes you can put them to bed a bit early.

Also you still probably have plenty of milk, when feeding is this established most milk is made during a feed. you probably feel your breast are back to normal feeland size. This is normal for a well established nursing relationship.

Thanks, MigGril, yes, have tried going out nearby but have frequently had to come home quickly to feed him as my husband can't settle him. I haven't minded till recently but now just feel ready to stop.

If anyone has any experience of this stopping breastfeeding and settling at night please can you share with me? Feel like it's just me though must be so many!

It's not just you - I logged in to post the same question about my same age exactly DD! I'm also going to re read NCSS and will pass on any tips I find. One thing I am finding is that she will now get off me and want to go to sleep on the bed I sit on to feed her so I know she can self settle, it's just getting her in the damn cot - does your DS do nanny thing similar or does he need to be held?

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
Just found this article which is good.

Thanks Gail, good to know I'm not alone out there! Yes Ds is similar in that he'll now feed and, in the last two nights, I then pick him up, upright, and then put him down awake. But he still needs the feed to get to that point where he'll go that.
I read the Dr Jay Gordon before, but now he's not so bad that he's awake every couple of hours like he used to be. It's stopping the feeds altogether. Let me know if you read anything useful in the NCSS.

Kid, I like the idea of the whispered story. Did he do that when he/she was already lying down in cot? Did he stay in until sleeping?

I found that keeping him up half an hour later worked. I used to take him in for a feed in his room at 6.30, he'd either feed to sleep or get drowsy enough to put down. Now he has a cup of milk (one with a soft rubbery spout, comforting!) in front of the night garden with lots of stories and cuddles, then take him to his room at 7 for a proper story and the last dregs of his milk in a nice dim bedroom. The extra time seems to ensure he's tired enough to go straight to sleep after his story.

Yy to keeping him up a little later, then dh used singing to help. He picked one tune, which was the 'go to sleep' tune then stayed by the bed/cot gently singing the same tune over and over again. It was a trigger that he could use, when bath and story time were over, the lights were low, to avoid conversation. It's time to go to sleep now, then he would lie down and start to hum!

It worked for us

Thanks everyone, that's all really useful. Will definitely try bedtime half an hour later. I'll keep working on making him more awake after the bfeed and then maybe move on to dh putting him down with singing etc. At the moment though he's learnt that if dh does it he can just shout after he's left and I'll come back in and feed him. We haven't tried dh staying in till he's asleep though (how long does that take? Think it might be hours...).