Have I made a rod...

[Sid77]

...for my own back? My 11 week old ebf DS2 sleeps on my chest in my bed at night - DP is in the spare room. DS2 naps sporadically in the day in arms or the sling. He feeds and dozes all evening downstairs on me until I go to bed at 10ish. He's asleep by 11 generally, then wakes around 3 for a feed and will sleep again for a couple of hours. I want DP back in bed and would like to eat dinner with both knife and fork! Any advice on how I can put him to bed in his own space, at a decent hour so that I can get some life back!!

sid I could have written your post. Dd2 is 8 weeks and will only sleep in my arms or in bed next to me... DH has also been evicted and whilst it has been lovely bonding time I would like some semblance of normal life back. Her naps are cat naps long deep sleep seems to evade us!

Sorry no advice just an arm of sympathy and understanding. Let's see if any real advice comes along :)

Don't worry about rods and bad habits. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby imo. It sounds like you're doing great to have such a good routine already.

Anyway some tips that we found useful this time last year (dd is now 14 mo)

Swaddling - makes them feel wrapped and secure, as if they're still being cuddled.

Warm the crib/moses with a hot water bottle before putting them into it. Your ds is used to your bodyheat. Check the sheets first though as they can get VERY hot.

Your ds may not like being laid flat on his back. Have you tried inclining the mattress slightly? An old bath towel does the job.

Consider trying a sling for hands free daytime naps.

Hope some of that is useful.

I did that with all of mine, all slowly crept down into the crook of my arm at night, then next to me touching, then in their own space then a cot my 6-9 months quite naturally.

I'm a firm believer in 4 hour feeds!! My 1st was 6 weeks old when slept through following 4 hour feeds...my 2nd was 3weeks... Every child needs routine & couples need 'couple time'

Also I found a one of my t-shirts over matteress help- baby needed my smell

So this is DS2, how old is/are your other DC? How do they fit in to the routine?

I had a routine from about 6 weeks with DD1 which involved bath, feed, bed by 7pm, but then she cluster fed overnight! I was knackered all day.

With DD2, 5 months, she naps or lies in her wee chair while we have dinner and is then put down nearer 8-9pm.

Me and DH therefore have an hour or so that is our own. I also co-sleep and DH is in the spare room. It's for such a short time really and everyone gets better sleep for it.

She feeds every 4 hours during the day, EBF, but certainly doesn't sleep through!

Ohhnoo - agree, it is lovely bonding time!
Happy - he doesn't like a swaddle, which is a shame. I will try warming the basket up first...
Upside - I'm glad to hear that some make the transition naturally. I'm torn between letting him take his own time and wanting to do it in my time
Walber - I've tried the tshirts trick and it doesn't seem to help. DS feeds every 2-3 hours in the daytime
Soupmaker - my DS1 is 3 and luckily daddy is home in time to put him to bed. I didn't co sleep with him (struggled to bf, was terribly exhausted) and neither of us can remember at what stage we put him to bed upstairs. We should have written it all down! DS1 was a nightmare sleeper for about 2 years and I really, really don't want that again. I find myself torn between co sleeping, go with the flow earth mother and scheduled upstairs to bed on your own type. Is there a middle ground and how do I get there?

My DD1 was a nightmare sleeper too! It took 18 months for her to sleep through the night.

I know what you mean about trying to get a balance between going with the flow and having a routine.

This time round I have been so much more relaxed and easy going and have let DD2 fall into her own routine. But she also gets carted about all over the place as we do things with DD1!

I now take the view that I am more earth mother than I thought. Have managed to EBF this time round and I think that makes things so much easier, and would never have considered co-sleeping with DD1.

I tend to take the view that babies do as babies do, and it's all luck. I meet mums who swear by tight routines and others who just follow babies lead, and I think how you decide to go depends on your own character, babies character and your situation. But I so sympathise about needing to eat dinner with both knife and fork!

That sounds very familiar! Daytime naps are also so tricky when you factor in play group, preschool and all of the other things to do with DS1. I think I'm going to have to be a go with the flow type and hope he gets there in the end. I can't face the crying when trying to put him in the basket, when I know that I have a full on day in the morning. It is however, only a matter of time before I drop a pea/broad bean/bit of mushroom down the poor child's ear hole!

Meant to add, I use a sling a lot. It really helps. DD2 been out and about a lot in it and she'll nap in it while we are doing something with DD1. I can't stand the crying either and we've worked out that for naps at home DD2 needs to be really cosy so pop her in her snowsuit and she'll grumble for a bit then drop off. Might be worth a shot.

I was exactly the same... DS is now 12 weeks and slept on my chest until 6 weeks as he would not be put down (would have been longer but hes so flippin heavy...). He never once slept in his moses basket and hated being on his back. He then slept in the bed next to me for a few weeks. I hired a bed nest from NCT and he now sleeps on his front in it as hes never once slept on his back. Not at all what I wanted but I figured it was safer doing that with an angel care monitor checking for him breathing than in bed with me - I was always nervous about co sleeping as our mattress isn't hard enough.
He also naps in the sling or when pushed in the pram and he used to be up with me all eve feeding/sucking until I realised he was over tired and trying to get to sleep. Now he goes down at 630pm and I have a bit of an evening - the first time it happened I literally jumped for joy! Im a first time mum and thought babies just slept when they are tired, noone tells you they aren't meant to be awake more than 2 hours my little one used to be up from about 4pm until he zonked about 9pm. Oncr I realised this i now give him a bath at 6pm then I sit in a darkish room and feed him before he goes to sleep then once he's asleep transfer him to the nest.
He now wakes every 1.5 hours and only feeds back to sleep but that's a whole new problem... feels like swapping one problem for another... but that in itself is refreshing in a wierd kind of way
Good luck, its exhausting having baby strapped to you the whole time but it wont be forever. ..

Walber139 how do you stick to 4 hourly feeds if you don't mind me asking? My 4 wk old is fed on demand and the spacing between feeds can vary from 30 mins to 3 hours. If I tried to make her wait I'm fairly sure she would be inconsolable. Does yours get upset or does she happily go for 4 hrs between? Not remotely judging btw- would love the predictability of a feeding routine but also want to keep dd1 happy

starfish 4 till 9 pm sounds familiar. I think he may be overtired too and am girding myself to pitting him down to sleep around 7-8.
Thanks crafty I do feel very bonded to him, more so than with DS1 at the same age - which makes me a bit sad actually

Sid - I have the very same feelings about DD1. I so wish I hadn't listened to 'advice' about feeding schedules, routines, and pushed more to sort out what I think in retrospect was reflux, I was told she was just a baby who cried more than others. I wish I'd co- slept, fed on demand longer and been more chilled about bedtime routines. I feel so much more bonded with DD2 than I did with DD1 at this stage. I guess it all comes with experience.

I had a horror of a night last night but it was made so much easier by co-sleeping and cuddling DD2 and imagining the day she won't want to be cuddled in!

Ah I so relate to your last posts... I was militant about routine with dd1. Fortunately she was an angel baby and slept on her own from the beginning. This time around I have a proper little Velcro baby and I'm really ok with it.. I feed on demand, co sleep and basically carry her constantly. I have actually shed tears thinking of the difference in me and my approach and how dd1 may not have got all she deserved from me . Now I'm older, wiser ( I hope) but mostly more relaxed.
Anyway I've been extra cuddly with my big girl ( when little girl let's me) because I do feel a bit guilty and sad even though she was such a happy little one... Not sure I've made much sense but I guess we mother differently according to each baby.... Would also like to eat a meal with full utensils though!

I know I can't turn the clock back so take every opportunity to cuddle DD1 now!

The message coming from all of us seems to be... Enjoy and cuddle!!

I'm going to try for bedtime over the next few weeks as 12 weeks seems a bit more realistic. I will probably start another thread soon about a 4 month old who will only sleep in arms...

Happy New Year all