Getting a 4yo, yes 4, to give up his dummy. Help.

[Runlikeareindeer]

Ds is 4. He just turned 3 when dd was born so we didn't push the dummy thing (lots of his friends gave it up at 3).

As a family we had a tough year. But he decided on the dummy fairy at 3.5. We had weeks and weeks of crying, sobbing, telling me he didn't want to be a big boy, that it was too hard, that the dummy fairy could take all his toys etc. He shares a room with dd (now 16months) so not able just to leave him.

We discovered after a few months of quieter bedtimes that he had been "borrowing" dds dummy. And he still does. And seems to have absolutely no intention of giving up.

Loads of people told me he would decide himself. But he is nearly 4.5. Dh is adamant that he needs to give it up. (He only borrows one at bedtime. But he isn't interested in dummy fairy, no toy is enough to tempt him. Add to this dd is a terrible sleeper, so sharing a room means not being able to leave either one yelling.

Any suggestions?

Could you have them not sharing a room for a short period (eg a week) by which time the worst should be over?

Then just say that's it, no more dummy and do not back down. Cut the tops off the dummies so you can't cave in.

The biggest problem seems to be him taking DD's dummy. Could you take away her dummy too while you're at it? That might seem fairer to your DS?

My eldest traded hers at nearly 5 for a barbie scooter and trip to Legoland.

Then I had 2 thumb addicts (far, far worse!)

Then the youngest, if there was no dummy she sucked her thumb so she had her dummy at bedtime until 7 at which point I think it was just too small to provide the required comfort and she gave it up of her own accord.

TBH I wouldn't stress too much over it he will either get embarrassed out of it or it will no longer provide the required comfort once he gets to 7ish.

Dummy til I was 7 here. Still the odd pang.... If it's only at bedtime I wouldn't stress too much. 'He needs to give up...' because?

My mother 'lost' mine finally and it just could not be found. No fairies involved. Actually, I could probably have bought my own with my pocket money by then... why didn't I think of that??

DS1 didn't give up his night time dummy until he was 7! He was seeing a clinical psychologist around the age of 4 (completely unrelated to the dummy saga!) and she said it wasn't worth the distress of forcing him to give it up. She said that he would give it up when he was ready and that age would be around 7 - she was bang on! He just handed them over to his baby twin siblings with no drama.

I know it's not ideal to have a dummy at 4.5 but I don't think it's massively unusual to be honest.

If he had a comfort teddy bear you wouldn't take that away because he was 4.5 would you?

Just throw away all dummies in the house. 16 months is also old enough to ditch it.

I would say leave it if it only is for nights. I had one on a ribbon until I was 7 when I gave t up of my own accord. However, my dd was 4 and showing signs of teeth not growing in the right place because of it-she did keep it in all night though-does your ds just use it to drop off? So we had to go cold turkey and she shared a room with twin brother at the time-she was fine, but I feel very sorry for your ds!

I've heard of 8 year olds with dummy's at night. My oldest 2 decided to give up the dummy of there own free will although perhaps later than most. Found out not so long ago that DD still has one at nannies house. Unlikely they'll still want one for bed at 15 so not to concerned myself. Just glad they're not thumb suckers with stunted thumb growth like some of my friends kids

Thank you thank you for this thread! So reassuring. Dd is just 3 and has around 6 dummies at night, just to drop off then to hold. She has no comfort toys, just these, and holds them at night. She never has a dummy in her mouth when I check her but has never fallen asleep without one.

I am going to make sure they are night time only after our Christmas break and stop fretting.

I am not going to tell others though as don't like judgey looks and comments. Dd isn't potty trained yet either and feeling the pressure there too

Thanks. I am more of the opinion to leave it, but dh is determined he shouldn't have one, I suppose there is the pressure from family too.

Anyway, I think I will leave it a while. As to giving up all dummies, I'm not ready to take them off my 16month old. She's high maintenance enough s it is.

I am 32 years old and I still suck my thumb to get to sleep sometimes...!! I know what you mean about the pressure to take it off him, but the world is a big scary place sometimes and so little gives kids comfort. If it helps him get off to sleep maybe don't worry about it??

I would also chuck them all Away

But I'm about tough love

DS2 gave up his dummy when he was 4. We went cold turkey - went away on holiday and left them all behind. Two nights of "where's my dummy" and some low level whinging and that was it. We did the same with DS1 at about 3ish and he was the same. Both were hardened dummy fiends previously. It might be OK

My hairdresser had her dummy until she was 13.