Please tell me what the consensus is on co-sleeping and why it is controversial

[Mysteriousanonymousperson]

I'm a regular but changed my name because I'm applying for a new job and don't want to say so publicly in case colleagues spot me. I don't have any strong views on co-sleeping, but I know some people do and wonder why people do it or why they don't because it's relevant to this job. Please try not to have a punch up about it (although don't let me inhibit you, obviously it's your choice) but if you wouldn't mind giving me the benefit of your collective wisdom I'd be grateful. Thanks

i co-sleep as i breastfeed dd3. so its easier for me to have her in my bed with me. she sleeps better in my bed than in her cot.

my sister works for SS, and sais that if a client co-sleeps then they have to make a note of that.

I didn't set out to co-sleep, but have ended up doing so with all 3 DDs. Apart from the general snuggliness, I reckon it's much safer to lie down to feed your baby in the middle of the night than sit up with the intention of putting them back in cot/basket whatever and slowly fall asleep over them or gradually drop them out of bed.

there was advice that you shouldn't co-sleep under 6 (or 8) weeks .. so people get up in arms about that I reckon

I love / loved co-sleeping .. it feels right and natural especially if breast-feeding

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Is co-sleeping a flag then, Misdee? I heard that bfeeding past one is too

I co-sleep with DS2. Well, I try to sleep, he lies next to me gurgling and grinning. He doesn't seem to need sleep...

it is controversial because several babies die each year while co-sleeping.

The difficulty with that evidence is that it often lumps together people who co-sleep carefully in bed with people who co-sleep on sofas or while drunk or having taken drugs. If you aren't careful, the baby can get smothered by you or the bedding, or can overheat (esp if the baby is v young).

My ds is 20mo and has slept in our bed since about 1wo. It was fab for bfing at night and I do like having him nearby (esp if he has e.g. a temperature - I can keep an eye on him without getting out of bed, but mainly because it is nice and snuggly ). We are careful about the temperature and have him sleeping between us, with him in a grobag and me and dp having a duvet each.

I didn't co-sleep with ds1 or ds2 because both were more settled in their cot. I co-sleep with dd because she sleeps best when she can feel one of us close by. It also makes night-time feeds easier as I don't even have to get out of bed.

DS1 also slept better in a cot.

DS2 doesn't sleep at all in a cot and sleeps a bit in with me.

I co-sleep with ds1 but ds2 is in his cot. With ds1 it was just easier to feed him in the bed and now he is very attached to co-sleeping. Dh and I also quite like it but it will be difficult to get him into his own bed. Ds2 prefers the cot and is better at going to sleep by himself and is not distressed when he wakes up alone (unlike ds1).

I actually think there are advantages to both methods, but I have to say that in my case I think it's better not to co-sleep as that way everyone gets a better night's sleep. Ds2 would wake for feed twice a night until he was about 8/9mths old but after that started sleeping through by himself. Ds1 was still waking for feeds until he was a year old and is still (at age 4) unable to send himself to sleep.

yes hunker, when sis found out i co-slept, she said 'i never heard that lalalalala' lol. she says its something they have to note down. as well as if you dont sterslise bottles/pumps etc.

I did notice there was a space in the red book DS2 has (but not in DS1's) to note whether the baby's having any breastmilk at one year old.

Misdee, did you ask her why it's a flag?

I would have thought that was a positive thing (the bfing at 1yo) - obv being a bit naive

i didnt ask why hunker, but i think its odd that co-sleeping and choosing not to steralise is a flag.

but unless you are known to SS for SN, then the risks of co-sleeping while drunk, on drugs might be higher/ more likely ? Well, not that everyone known to SS takes drugs/drinks, oh, bugger I'm going to stop that sounds like a controversial statement i've just made but hey, i'm fat and have air-con in my car what do I know about parenting!!!

Bloody hell, why should breastfeeding when a child is 1 be an SS flag? Is that true?

i dotn know about breastfeeding past a year beign a flag, but i know co-sleeping is frowned upon by SS.

arent the SN social workers seperate? i dont think my sister deals with SN cases, but does deal with other horrible stuff.

I co-slept with dd as far easier to bf her and lovely to cuddle up with her too. She hated sleeping in her cot/moses basket and still sleeps with me if she is teething or whatever. She is 15months btw.

As for SS disapproving of co-sleeping is it because they think it encourages sexual abuse?
From all I have heard/read the evidence points to quite the opposite.

There is no consensus on co-sleeping.

We are advised not to do it because increased risk of cot death, yet in countries where co-sleeping is routine, they have no word for cot death because it is simply unknown as a phenomenon.

I loved co-sleeping and we have only just stopped sleeping with ds.

Co-sleeping is bloody brilliant.

Babies have been around allot longer than cots and babies, children & human beings in general for the last million or so years have slept close together. Babies dont know what age, social class or part of the world they have been born into, and it it is their instinct to be with their parents, especially at night when instinct says we are the most vunerable.

Before this revelation dawned on me, I spent the start of DS's life like a sleep deprived zomby sitting in a 'nusing chair' at night BFing him, and wondering why he wouldn't sleep in his cot. I never even considered co-sleeping, but when I did, it was fantastic. DS went from a fussy night-time screamer to a contented sleep-througher, waking once or twice for a BF, which I would give to him without hardly waking myself. It is the ultimate compilement to breastfeeding and is so nuturing for babies and mothers alike. It has been shown to help children with confidence, make breastfeeding easier to continue (encompassing all those health benefits) and is in my view perfectly safe if done properly. Looking back, I was more of a threat to my baby's safety in my sleep deprivated state in the day, I could easily have falled alseep with him in a chair and sagged over him.

The controvosy surrounds some studies which say it is dangerous because of SIDS, but in the studies they dont seem to define between babies dying in thier sleep or as a result of being covered by douvets or other unsafe co-sleeping practises which can be ruled out through education.

If you are really interested get hold of a copy of "3 in a bed".

I wish, wish, wish the health service would have a good hard look at the benefits of co-sleeping as it has so many benefits to offer mothers and babies. As you can probably guess by my post, If I have any more babies I will co-sleep with them from the start. Happily, confidently and safely.

Tigermum

Don't know what is really meant by co-sleeping and wasn't aware it was contraversial.

If you mean for eg, from day 1 to X years later you allow your child to sleep in the parents bed if it's ill, hungry, upset, no idea what's up, then yes we do that.