6 month old and sleep training. Help needed.

[cupcake78]

Dd is 6 months old in a week. Developmentally she is more of a 7 month old.

She used to sleep, to self settle etc. Sleep regression hit plus cold and now were in a right mess. We brought her into our bed to get some sleep before we train her.

So dh and I need to do something. We've sat next to her cot for hours, it doesn't work. She will only sleep with a dummy, being cuddled. It takes hours to get her into her cot and then it's only for an hour before we start over again.

Tonight is terrible. So that's it Dh and I are going to use the Christmas holidays to sleep train.

Do we do controlled crying which may break us or the leave and settle method?

If she whines do I leave or resettle? She tends to moan before full tears? Do I remove dummy for this or keep it? Do we have to do naps as well or will nights alone do ? Do I do night wakings or simply beginning of the night settling?

I need your help please!

Hey cupcake we seem to be leading mirrored lives! Last week I reached my limit with DS and decided to go cold turkey with the dummy and use whatever means necessary to get him to sleep without. It took 3 days. First night was hell but each night got a bit better. I made sure I was out with the pram for naps. There was an improvement in night wakings right away but still 3 or 4.

He was then dependant on me to get him to sleep (which was SOO upsetting having just gone through the dummy withdrawal) and I had a sleep deprived mini breakdown on Monday morning and decided to go with CC/gradual retreat.

I was dead against it until then but had reached the point where I didn't know what else to do I also didn't think it would work for DS. I thought he'd wind himself up and never sleep but the first time took 20mins.

We've seen an improvement v v quickly and last night he went from half 7 til 6! some of his sleeps haven't involved any crying at all. The nights are the hardest and I had 2 hours of almost constant crying the night before last.

Am pleased so far though and I'm not sure q softer approach would have worked tbh.

I have leaning towards living hell for a few days and getting it done. I suspect the more gentle approach will take too long and considering consistency is the key i think we're going to have to bite the bullet and get it done.

Let her keep her dummy. She'll grow out if it

Don't leave her to cry. She's still tiny.

Sleep training isn't recommended below 12 months.

It's taken about a week, albeit a week that's felt like a month!

Sleep training can be done at any age it's the method that is affected by the age nothing else.

Yes she's still little but she's also learning cause and effect faster than most! We have to do something its disrupting the whole house including ds. We don't have the luxury of weeks and weeks of messing about as ds will have no one else to look after him on an evening.

She's had a routine since 4 weeks old. She is reliant in us cuddling her to sleep for naps, night time etc. This is manageable when you have one child. When you have two, a dh who works 60-70 hour weeks and I am returning to work in January some of which will be in evenings it needs addressing. We cannot continue like this for another 6 months.

Dh has a week off over Christmas, ds doesn't need to get up for school.

Cupcake you sound very frustrated by the situation and pressed for time. I don't doubt she is advanced and I agree that second children probably generally don't get the detailed single attention of first babies and I think that is what you mean by the cause and effect thing. She is still very little though and you will have to work to her time frame not the work one. She is too little for almost all sleep training methods IMO. I think your idea of keeping the routine consistent and seeing if you can tweak it to get improvements.

No. Sleep training isn't recommended below 12 months.

Cupcake - where have you read it can be done at any age?

Have a look at the Supernanny site, it gives instructions for CC. It's really important if you're going to do it, to do it to the letter, otherwise it sends mixed signals to your DD which isn't fair.

Is leave and settle the same as Pick Up Put Down? That was disastrous for us, DD used to get furious at being picked up (very uncuddly baby who even to this day will not share a bed!).

I'm using 'Good Night, Sleep Tight' by Kim West and gradual retreat (which as far as I'm concerned is CC) is the method recommend for 6-8 months

Cupcake I can't be very helpful here because my DD didn't have a dummy so I'm not sure how to deal with that bit. But just wanted to say that controlled crying worked for me and I found that sitting by her cot for hours made the situation worse - she actually went to sleep more easily if I wasn't there and she was just in a darkened, peaceful room with no stimulation. It took less than a week of CC (going in after 3 mins, 5 mins) to get her sleeping.

Everyone has different ideas but I think 6 months is about the time to start CC. Developmentally they are able to understand that you're leaving the room for 5 minutes and you want them to sleep.

Hiya

We have just been through something v similar with 11mo dd and know exactly how you feel. A fortnight ago was at breaking point too, it is so horrid. I 100% recommend the Andrea grace book, it is absolutely amazing and has saved our sanity. I have previously read a lot & got v confused with all the contradictory info out there but her methods are great and so many little tips along the way for specific problems eg teething, night feeds. She works through a number of specific case studies, you just pick the one xlosest to hou and use that together with her gejeral tips. You definitely can do training under 12mo. At 6mo I think you just need to be careful which method. We did gradual retreat as I didn't want to do cc & last night was night6. She is not sleeping through yet but the change already is incredible, I feel like a different person.

Lots of luck, you will sort it!

Yes leave and settle is pick up out down. We did that and she's now worse than ever.

Another night of her in our bed last night. We tried to pick up put down but after 3 hours she was crying the minute we moved with her.

Tonight we start ds is going to his grandparents so we don't worry about disturbing him. I will feed up dd as much as possible today! She doesn't take much if any milk during the night and it's always at 4pm.

My plan is to do bedtime routine. Give her calpol, gripe water etc after her bath before her bottle. This is simply so I am doubly sure she is ok. Fully winded and has pain relief (not that she's in pain).

Then we start. She can put her own dummy in so we'll put it on a string for her.

We're going to start with 4 minutes x3 then 6 minutes x 3 etc till we reach 15-20 mins. I won't go longer than that! I will do housework in between so its all done for Christmas and I am occupied. I clean well when I'm stressed.

Not pick her up just calm her lying down till she sleeps and keep going through the night like this.

I will do naps as well.

I'm not looking for

*Forward to it but we simply can't carry on like this. Nobody is getting any sleep. My ds (6) has dark rings under his eyes . 6 year olds should not have rings of tiredness under their eyes!

Please don't put any string anywhere near the cot

I don't know how you can just leave your babies to cry themselves to sleep. How cruel. My 2 year old only started sleeping through the night about a month ago. Before that she woke up at least 6 times a night. I also have a 5 month old who wakes up every hour. Yeah I was knackered but I'd rather get up and comfort them than leave them to cry.

We did this with our 6 month old and it worked perfectly. We didn't have a dummy in the mix, but when we left him the first night to cry, we only had to go in to him once (after 4 mins) and then he slept. I think we'd been going in too soon and he needed a good old moan before he could let go and sleep. Good luck OP.

That's why there are different methods. Some find it cruel. I know from a developmental and psychological perspective it has no lasting affect on the adult person if done correctly in a loving caring home. Before people begin to question this I have years of training and professional experience working with adults and children with numerous issues. Not one of these has been because they were taught to sleep on their own by crying it out with parental supervision and support.

I appreciate its hard and goes against all your instincts at the time and I haven't done it yet. But my instinct is telling me this must must change.

It's a while ago now, but I seem to remember the Supernanny advice for when you go back in is to talk to them briefly and say that mummy and daddy are in the room next door, but it's sleepy time now. No long conversations, lights on, lifting etc.

Shush Pat was also a disaster for us!

I also wonder whether you have a baby who actually isn't very suited to cosleeping, and once you crack the self settling she'll be happier in her own cot. On the occasions when I've brought DD into bed with me because she was poorly she's always asked to go back to her own bed, she just sleeps better on her own in her own space.

OP good luck. We have been doing gradual retreat with DS who is 6.5m and have seen a big improvement.

I understand where the "how can you do it" comments come from but guys please have respect for other parents' choices - the OP is not planning anything particularly hardcore.

How you getting on cupcake?