Tackling Controlled crying with a frequently waking ~ 8 MO (before I go insane)

[zuinthecity]

My DD is nearly 8mo and her sleeping habits are slowly but surely killing me. She goes to bed with no problem (usually) around 7/8pm and gets up for the day after 8am. With between 10 and 16 waking up cries a night when nothing but my breast consoles her and sends back to sleep. I tried rocking, singing, patting, shushing but it's fine for 10 seconds but "mom, now give me your boob or I'll stay awake for hours". Which, btw, happens too. Every two/three nights one of her cries turns into 2-3 hour struggle to put her back to bed. Times vary, two weeks ago it was between 3:30 and 5-6:00, last week from midnight til 2/3:00 am. At some point I give up and take her to bed as getting up every twenty minutes is pure madness. She doesn't sleep much better there either.
Most of the time she just nibbles and drifts off to sleep within minutes, sometimes though she has a proper feed.
I know I made a mistake of creating a wrong sleeping association with the whole breast in the mouth to sleep (she falls asleep while nursing obviously) but still, I'm getting insane. Haven't slept for longer than 3 hours at a time since she was born and that only recently as finally I managed to get my partner involved. We sleep separetly as he snores and that disturbs the little sleep i get a lot! anyway, He managed to put her to sleep by rubbing her cheek and shushing. Didn't work the other night when we decided to sleep in the same room as my presence turns the boob alarm on :/

So we decided to start the cc, just not really sure how to tackle it with her waking up so many times. Do we follow the, let's say, 3/5/7/10 minutes check ups every time, every waking? Do I still feed her before bed just make sure she doesn't fall asleep? Lights on/ lights off every time?
And how to do the whole thing if we're sleeping in the same room? Should I for the time being sleep in the spare bedroom? Will coming back to the bedroom after and if we succeed in at least breaking this association and cutting down the number of wakings destroy the whole work?

Help please before I cut my own throat!

I was you op!
I simply couldn't keep going with all the wakings, no matter how much I was against leaving her to cry.
We did gradual retreat at nine months, (after using the NCSS for five months) which made a huge difference very quickly - the gradual part refers to where you are, not how long it takes! So on the first three nights you sit next to the cot while she settles, and gradually move further away until you aren't in the room.
I felt happier about it, because I wasn't just leaving IYSWIM.
I kept one night feed, because I do understand babies don't have adult sleep patterns, and don't require her to.

(as an aside, I find it irritating when people mis-represent the reasons for doing CC/GR - it wasn't because i expect babies to slot into my life and shut up- if DD had been waking 2/3 times I'd have stuck it out, but 8+ between 10&6 was killer. I was too tired to think, drive, play. And at this stage, husbands have to work, and relatives have lives that mean they don't want to do childcare while you sleep. Why do people assume its a first resort not a final resort? Gah!)

It had positive effects within 3 days! Unexpectedly, DD became much happier in the day, having had good rest, so I do feel she benefitted too. Our relationship isn't overshadowed by worrying if I could get her to nap in the day, and whether I'd get enough sleep at night to avoid vomiting in the morning.

It's not perfect, and all bets are off when she's ill, teething etc, because she's a baby but we are so much better for doing it. At 14 months, she still gets a feed most nights, so I haven't hurried to night wean, and we're all happy.

Oh, and I'm sure the various people who have lectured me about DD still BFing at 14 months did it out of "genuine concern" too, and thought I was "deluded" that she needs my milk still.
Doesn't mean they are right.
Doesn't make it helpful.

Mummyweatherwax, I doubt it! WHO recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years! You're doing an amazing thing to breastfeed for that long.

I don't see what it has to do with CC on an 8mth old.

Yes, separate bedrooms & it should be your DH who goes to the baby in the night because she will smell the milk on you and it will be more difficult to put her back to sleep without a feed.

Lights off through all night wakings.

8 months is perfectly fine for CC. On the recommendation of DD's pediatrician we sleep-trained her at 4 months and DS at 5 months. DD started sleeping through on the 3rd night, DS took a bit longer. Since then, they have both been sleeping through until 7 AM earliest, going down with a smile and waking up with a song. Happy DC, happy parents.

Ignore wails of "concern"

Maybe one of the real 'problems' is that the op's partner has only just started helping, after 8 months.

No wonder op is exhausted.

Zuin. I found this blog really helpful to ready before we started.
www.babykerf.com/baby-sleep-training/#comment-19101

We have had a 2 month period of 'sleep regression', made worse by me responding to every cry. After a month of 1-2 hourly wake ups enough was enough and I started to research controlled crying (having previously sworn against and tried the no cry methods which made things worse). We are just after night 2, although I tacked the putting to bed previously, hoping the nights would then improve (they didn't).

We had less crying than if we hadn't done it. she slept from 8:30 -1, a few cries / moans at 4 and 5. I fed and changed at 6:30 and she went down for another 2 hours. Hope you see similar progress. Don't feel guilty. Our girl is crying less now than before we did this and I can be a better mother in the day.
She now has a song and we put her down, and she goes to sleep - before she screamed until she got the boob back in her mouth.

I'm sure it's not for every baby / family, but I am pretty sure it's the best thing I could have done.

Right, time for an update, methinks :) DD somehow knew what we were planning so decided to get a cold, then a throat infection, then we had guests and then she was ill again;) In the meantime I changed my approach for the time being and went full attachment parenting on her: co-sleeping, nursing all night through, boob in the mouth, the lot. Every day she ate worse as her major feeding activity switched to nights. in the end, Every single night was worse than the previous one, including one three days ago with plenty of 5-minute long snoozes but nothing longer than that.
I got up the next day without any doubts this was the last night like this and I can't take anymore. Part of me thinks I needed that to be fully on board with the CC plan, who knows?
We prepared her nursery that was part storage room, part guest bedroom until now as we decided we're going 'cold turkey' on everything: sleeping in the same room, as well as night feedings. We also decided DP will be the one doing the whole training as "I had done so much so far and he wanted to help". Phew!
The first night we had a light on, I talked to her through the entire nursing process and put her to bed when she was dozing off, she fell asleep immediately so we knew that the hell is going to break loose the first time she wakes up, which she did, about fifty minutes later, DP went in after 2 mins sung her a song, patted her back and shushed for 30 seconds, then said "night night" and left. He went then again 5 mins in, 7 mins in and that was it, she was asleep. All in all it took less than 20 minutes. She woke up again 2 hours later, then a few more at night, every time it took just one intervention;) or none at all. Finally we got up for the day just before 7. She ate much better throughout a day amd that was great!
We continued with the naps with which she never crossed the 3 minute mark we decided to use. 1.5 mins was the longest and then she was soundly asleep.
The second night, which was yesterday, I put her to bed awake, she started crying, I left the room with my partner waiting outside to step in. And the thing is, he never had to. She was asleep within 2 minutes. She woke up throughout the night fussing exactly three times, never longer than 30 seconds of occiasional moans and not once did DP have to go in. We got up at 8:30 today. She's been eating like gold today.
I have no words for this apart from 'why the hell did I wait so long'?!
Thank you again, btw, for your support and your expertise, I wouldn't do it without you :)))

That sounds like a great result !