10 month old twins, will they ever sleep in cots?

[Twicethehugs]

First of all they're lovely in the daytime so I don't want to complain too much ... But they have been taking forever to get to sleep (slight exaggeration but can be 3 hours after waking each other up a few times, which means I don't have any time apart from them with my OH).

They're fine for naps now, feed to sleep in bed or sleep in the pushchair. At night they sleep with me, they still wake up quite a few times and I'm too tired/lazy to keep getting out of bed, resettling etc - also when they were little they woke up so often it was the only way I could function in the daytime so we've got used to it. I don't mind sleeping with them and love waking up with them in the morning. It would be sooooo nice if they settled easily so I can have a break, slept in their cots at least sometimes e.g. The first part of the evening when they sleep for the longest stretch. I'd like them to have some experience of sleeping in a cot before starting nursery really so it's an easier start there for them.

Ok, this is getting to be a long post .... My health visitor said to put them in cots and wait with them while they settle themselves. So we've tried this since Friday. I've fed them on their own, put in cot where they play for a bit before starting the crying. My OH has been around so we've been next to one each. They get really upset so we pick them up, put down, more crying etc, after a while of this (1 hour max), I feed them in bed and they've gone to sleep pretty quickly. I can't leave them to cry as feel bad enough being with them while they do and not responding much. I also wonder if this is just going to put them off being in a cot. I could try to get them not to feed to sleep again- have tried Pantley Pull off from No Cry Sleep Solution which helped a bit but not entirely. Maybe we shouldn't lay them down in the cots until they've had the second evening feed and they're more sleepy? Any tips appreciated!

How are they if you hold hands/stroke heads through the bars? When ds goes backwards with sleep I do this for a few days before starting gradual withdrawal. Take a pillow and a blanket for youon the floor though! And don't accidentally poke them in the eye

We've been doing that when they get upset but it doesn't help really, they only calm down if we pick them up.

I wonder if there's too much change at once - in that they're being asked to sleep in an unfamiliar place AND settle without a feed at the same time.

For now, I would feed them to sleep and then place (asleep or very drowsy) in cots, then take them into bed with you at the first night waking. Also play with them in the cots during the day so they get used to them. After a couple of weeks, I would then tackle self-settling (ie putting them down awake and letting them settle themselves, as you have been doing) and you are likely to have better results.

Re sitting next to them, picking up, stroking etc. I tried this approach with my DS and it just made him angry that I was right there poking him but not feeding him to sleep. It worked better when I sort of bustled around, sorting out the laundry and nipping in and out of the room for a few minutes at a time and then coming back for reassuring comments and a quick pat - not full on CC but giving him some space to work out how to fall asleep without the boob. Just a thought.

Also, make sure you have a regular bedtime routine so they know what to expect when they are put down. We do nappy off time under cot mobile, bath, sleepsuit, bf, into Grobag, very short story and then cot.

DS (9 mo) settles like an absolute dream at bedtime now, put down awake and not a peep (from being fed to sleep every wake up until 6 months), so it is worth persevering

I feel your pain. My 10mo twins are total horror shows at the moment.

Here is what is working for us (well a bit)

I fed them to sleep for ages but it got to the stage where they really didn't need the feed in the am. So I worked on getting them to sleep in the cot by pretty full on patting. They sleep on their tummies so i put them down and pat rhythmically very firmly. It needs to be enough to get through the screaming! I also have Ewan the dream sheep plus will do a long sssh in their ear too if further distraction is needed. Keep patti for a count of 100 past what looks like sleep.

At the start, I'd do one twin while the other one burbled in their cot. Eventually, I managed to do both at the same time by having their cots close together and soon one with each hand. Once they got used to the idea, they were fairly responsive. And the screeching/bucking about did stop. If they mess around, I do the other baby until they start to cry or look tired/lie down.

Then I dropped the lunchtime nap feed.

I am now working on not patting the entire time. So I do pat until calm then stop. If I can leave the room I do. I go back in as soon as there is propwr crying. Sometimes I can't leave, so start patting again for a count if 20 (or a bit longer if there are tears). Again, any messing about and I do the other twin or leave the room.

This is very slowly having some success although last light was terrible (total sleep refusal at 10pm til 12 and then 1am to 3.30am!).

Tonight I am going to do the bedtime feed in a brighter room. Most of the time one will be awake after this feed but I want to break the association at bedtime.

Good luck!! It's totally hellish, partic when one wakes the other.

Ps I found that if I stay in the room I need to be super boring, so sit on the floor with eyes shut. I couldn't do laundry etc! That would be an invitation to messing around!

Even better is to leave and come back when the whinging turns into crying.

Well some progress tonight - they actually slept in a cot after a bit of crying and us stroking and shhing through the bars ... For 30 mins before they woke up crying (wouldn't settle so I fed them to sleep in bed) - but it's a start and reassures me a bit that they might manage to sleep at nursery!

Thank you for the replies. Kongkickeroo I think you're right we are asking them to do a lot, if we try to move them when they're asleep they wake up but I did put them in the cots when they were sleepy tonight and although they woke up and cried it worked better. We have a bedtime routine, sounds like a good idea to do more playtime in the cot to build up some more positive associations.

FreeButtonBee, sorry you're having a bit of a nightmare too. Thanks for letting me know about patting and that it has to be that firm. One waking the other definitely makes it harder and prolongs the whole bedtime shenanigans. I hope it gets better for you soon, it's hard to focus on the little bits of progress when you have a bad night - I write things down with the intention f looking back so I can see that things have changed but never remember to do this when I need to!

It's interesting you've found different things that help I.e. doing laundry/ nothing, I'll just have to figure out what works best for mine now. At the moment they don't like me leaving, just cry immediately even if fairly content - linked to separation anxiety I think.

Fingers crossed for a better night tonight.