Am I being too stubborn?

[weeblueberry]

Was tempted to put this in AIBU but think I'm too sensitive to be told I'm being a cruel cow.

DD is 6 months and until 2 weeks ago would happily be put in her bassinet in the evening and fall asleep in about 20 minutes. Something happened though and she's now taking about 2 hours to drop off.

I'm of the camp that we should just persevere and let her go to sleep. DP has suggested that we just rock her to sleep again (which works very quickly) as he thinks this is just a phase and he'd like to spend some time together in the evenings. Right now I'll sit in her room with her in her cot, trying to encourage sleep and he's right in that we're not seeing much of each other in the evenings now.

Am I being too damned stubborn about it all? I'm personally prepared to sit through a bit of whinging (not outright crying) in the hopes she'll self soothe and go to sleep. But he feels when she goes like that I should be picking her up and soothing her. I think if I did this she'll eventually go to sleep in my arms and then that's going to start a bad patten.

I'm being a stubborn cow aren't i?

you are right. don't start picking her up.

I personally wouldn't start rocking her again. Is she teething? Have you started weaning her- is she hungry or too full from eating too late? Just suggestions. Hopefully this will be a phase and she will grow out of it and start self soothing again, but I think you need to give her the opportunity to do so rather than rocking her.

The change in sleep actually coincided with us starting to wean her. I'd been told it would help the sleeping not make it worse .

Is it possibly something that may be making her very windy at bedtime or laying very heavy in her tummy? Clutching at straws! I have no idea really. I'd stick to encouraging her to try and get herself to sleep... Don't go back to rocking. I have a poor friend that was still rocking her ds when he was 2!! He was too heavy for her and she was exhausted!

Thanks Rumple :)

I do think that's contributing to it because she does seem to do a big poo at about half eight which is an hour after bed!! But she's only getting finger foods at dinner time (so not actually ingesting much) and her last solids before that are at about 3 and I can't bring that much further forward?

I am by no means an expert, but could you try putting her down earlier in case she is overtired? I know that all four of our children have had times when they are much better at going to sleep when they are not too tired. I am clutching at straws...

Oh and no, do not start introducing any form of 'sleep prop' because you will regret it. I'm speaking from bitter experience. Maybe introduce a lavender scent and a verse of a nursery rhyme sung to her at every nap and bedtime???

As PP have said, don't start rocking again.

What's your schedule like? Ar 6 months it should be 2 or maybe 3 naps a day with an awake time of 3 hours maximum so if bedtime is 7.30 then no more naps after 4.30.

The only other thing I can think of is that you're distracting her. Have you tried leaving her on her own to fall asleep or does hell break loose?

Finger food at dinner time should be fine, they take in such little food that way at 6 months.

Thanks all. She's currently going down at about seven. Any earlier would mean DP wouldn't get to see her at all. Obviously if it came to this we'd do it though.

I started singing to her and wasn't sure it made a difference. mind my voice could shatter glass....

I've started just leaving her in the cot and sitting on my phone in the room. She doesn't get any more upset than when I'm paying attention to her tbh so I'm going to continues this. Last night she went to sleep in about half an hour which was excellent (left to sleep with me not interacting, at about half seven) but we'll see tonight if it was a fluke...

We did what you said. We left our DS to self settle alone and they did. They did whinge for a bit but eventually got to sleep. I am in the camp of persevering.

Solids absolutely wrecked my son's sleep. We were just starting to sort it when he got severe croup at 9 months, gave up eating for a month and we finally cracked it all when he was around 18 months.

The ability to self-settle (without lots of crying) shouldn't be underestimated. Good luck!

Do you guys think it's cruel to try leaving her by herself on the room? I would only try it but would respond if she got upset and cried. There's something about sitting in the living room and listening to her being obviously awake and me not be there that's feels a little mean?

My ds is 6 months and we have just started to leave him on his own in his cot in his room to sleep and nap.
I was before this rocking him for up to 50mins so he would nap for 30mins!
We have found after 5-10 mins of grumbling and or singing to himself he goes to sleep by himself. I thought I was being cruel but now realise I am helping him learn to self soothe and giving my poor arms a break! I think he was getting over stimulated by us rocking him. Now we just have to get him to resettle himself when he wakes in the night and I'll be happy!

I would not feel bad at all. As long as you know that she is safe, and not distressed then you should cut yourself a bit of slack!! Have the monitor with you and if she sounds really upset then I'd go back in-- you may find without you there as a 'distraction' that she starts to self-sooth a bit better! It may be that she is now getting to an age where she is just more aware of you being around!!

Thanks everyone! In the end I stood at the door until she was nodding off then gently edged away. Was like a bloody military procedure!