22mo sleep problems with DD - need sorting before DD2 comes along!

[Xmasbaby11]

DD always slept well and never took much settling - just put her in the cot and left her to it, right from the start. She only ever woke in the night for a feed, and then went straight back to sleep.

So far so good. But for the last few months, since she was 18mo, she has needed a lot more help to get to sleep. She takes ages to settle - sometimes up to an hour at bedtime.

DH and I get home from work (picking up DD from nursery) about 5.30 and then DD has dinner and TV (15mins) then we start bath/bedtime at 6.30. She's still very lively at this time. She doesn't have a story at bedtime. She used to be too sleepy for it after her milk, and now she finds it very stimulating - wants to name all the pictures, chat, etc.

What's even worse is that she sometimes (say twice a week) wakes in the night anything between 1-4, for no apparent reason, crying for mummy/daddy. Again she needs loads of help to get back to sleep and it usually takes an hour.

DH does a lot of the settling. I am 7mths pregnant and struggling to lean over the cot. We are both tired, and panicking about having a newborn and a wakeful toddler. I feel like we never learnt any tricks about how to settle her when she was little because she never needed any help. At first we thought she must be teething / getting a cold / etc, but now it's been a few months, I feel she's just not a very good sleeper any more.

What are we doing wrong? Please give me some tips!

what about leaving her up a little later doing some fun play activity then the bedtime wind down half an hour later. that way she will be more tired and hopefully settle quicker. she will also be picking up on your anxiety and the need to get her to go to sleep. why does she have to go, what will you be doing, what will she miss. the more you want her to settle the more she may resist.

unfortunately i dont think there are any real tricks all children are different in what they need to encourage them to sleep.

try embracing the extra time together in the evenings and enjoy it, the more relaxed you both are the more relaxed she will be.

My DD had a similar sleep regression around this age, as did my neighbours child. That was fun listening through the walls with a newborn in my arms. It will pass - in the meantime they are reassured by you just being in the room. Stick a sleeping bag and a spare bedroll or similar under the cot and just be prepared (or rather your DH) to bunk down and go back to sleep on the nights that she wakes.

Talk to the nursery - at 22 months are they still giving her a full 2 hr nap? Might be time to reduce it to 1 hr.

She has 1 hour nap at nursery - same since she was 1.

We have a futon in DD's room and both happy to sleep there if it helps - will definitely try that!

I think you're probably right about relaxing the bedtime time. We often let it slide but it still takes her ages to settle. I think it is probably because we have so little time to play together between work and bedtime - she wants more time with us, to play, which is understandable.

Just have to keep experimenting ...

god we are in exactly the same boat!!!!
dd is 21m, i am 30 weeks pg with dc2 and for 10 weeks now dd sleep been v inconsistent.
some.nights she sleeps thru but will start the day at 5.30am, some nights she wakes between 1-4am like your dd and won't go back to sleep..... its awful!! its just so inconsistent.
i am too heavily pg now to try get her back to sleep and dh too tired so he decamps to the spare room and i bring dd into bed with me where she usually falls back asleep after a big faff/cuddle.
i am dreading adding a newborn into the.mix!!!!

Ah but it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone! It must surely be a phase feekerry?!

It's the inconsistency that makes it hard to break. DD will have a couple of good nights and things seem to be back to 'normal' .. but then another random waking ...

I'm still clinging on to the hope it's a phase...ds has been like this since 22mo and is now 2.3yo. He also was a brilliant sleeper up until then we have to stay in his room until he's asleep, which can take anything from 15-45mins (on a good night).

I recommend a read of the no cry sleep solution for toddlers, it's got some good tips. One which we have been implementing is quiet time between dinner (5.30ish) and bedtime (6.15ish) where we either read books or do puzzles before no nappy time or bath time. It does seem to be marginally helping with ds's over activity at bedtime.

He slept through the other night for the first time in months... Preparing us for newborn sleep again I reckon - I'm due in April!

Thanks Misty9. I so think a quiet / wind down period would help with DD, but there just isn't time as I get home from work about 5.30 so dinner isn't much before 6 (and she's a slow eater). She's still running round at bath time, singing and dancing etc which is just adorable but doesn't help! t would just love to be given an extra hour at that time of day! No way to change this really although I'm sure when I'm at home on maternity leave next year it'll be easier to wind her down (ha!).

Oh I am struggling so much with this right now, DD2 is breaking me. She is 22mo, and I cannot get her down at night without up to an hour of hand-holding, back-rubbing etc. If I try and say goodnight and leave the room she leaps up and SCREAMS. All the time I'm doing this, DD1 (5) is sitting on her own watching TV (DH works away a lot, if he's home we try synchronising bedtimes but DD2's wails make that a pointless task). While I'm comforting DD2, she is trying to chat, scratching the cot bars, fidgeting, and getting up. I try shushing, patting, humming, saying 'go to sleep'...... Then when she does sleep, she wakes up in the night shouting and crying for us. And then its another hour of shushing, patting, hand-holding.....

I'm doing something wrong and I don't know how to fix it. The wind-down time makes sense, but I don't get home with them until 6ish 3 days a week, and then have to give DD1 her dinner. I feel so guilty for leaving DD1 to the TV, wish I could split myself in two, guilty for not being able to settle DD2 into a nice, gentle bedtime. She wakes crying every day and I'm sure this has something to do with it. AARGH

DS is also 22m and has been sleeping through since 16m.

I find that he's slowly beginning to drop his day time nap now as he's so busy pottering around the house. As a rule I never let him sleep after 3pm. I keep him awake with games and dd is home from school by then so they play, eat dinner, watch TV and then he's ready for bed by 6.30-7pm. On a day he's slept for an hour or so, he'll sleep by 8-8.30pm.

What time does your dd sleep during the day? Could this be cut out so she's sleepy by the evening?

I also co-sleep with my DS and newborn (4 wks). He's in the cot next to my bed and dd2 is in bed with me. I know it's not for everyone, but it's just another thing to try. If she knows you're in her room or she's near you she may wake up and go back to sleep herself?

It's a really strange time when you're pregnant and have a little one. Children really sense change and both my children became stuck to me like glue throughout my last pregnancy. From day one I was being hugged and kissed and both wanted constant reassurance. It was very strange. As soon as dd was born, both have stopped the hugs and although still loving to me, I'm not being smothered by them for constant attention. Perhaps your dd is doing the same right now?

Good luck, just remember its a phase and she'll get through it.