Help! 11 week old DD still doesn't sleep

[Tuesdayschild]

My DD has never fallen asleep by herself since leaving the hospital. For her to sleep she has to be on me (in a sling) or next to me in bed. I have to lie facing her in bed - if I roll over she wakes up. I have kept going like this in the hope that situation will improve with time. I have tried raising the end of her carrycot, putting a t-shirt of mine in with her, putting my hand on her chest, letting her cry for a bit but nothing works.
Has anyone had a LO like this - Did it resolve itself and if so when? Would giving bottles help? I am still bf at the moment.
TIA

I had this problem with my DS and it was so exhausting!! We tried everything-moses basket, travel cot, huge pillow, car seat, push chair, our bed,and his cot. Not to mention our local Sleep Clinic and Health Visitors who were very unhelpful. Sleeping on my chest was favourite.When we put him in his cot the first time he screamed so much he was turning purple. He would not let me sleep nor would he get any. Everytime I left him or moved he would wake up screaming.When he was 12 weeks old we'd had enough and bit the bullet and put him in his cot. Putting him in his cot took several attempts. The screaming was so horrible that we would only leave him for a few minutes at a time. He refused to have day time naps in his cot. The final attempt resulted in him screaming blue murder for 2/12 hours! What we did is went in every 10 minutes to comfort him and to let him know that we were still there but we didn't hold him. We spoke to him gently and stroked him and he had his favourite toy in with him. We also played some soothing music for him. We did this for a week. Each night the crying was dramatically reduced. It may be a controversial solution for some but it worked. The day time naps in his cot came about 2 months later.

When you try something how long do you carry on before trying something else? Also when you say letting her 'cry a bit' , how long are you letting her cry before going to her?

Thanks for the responses. Is 12 weeks old enough to do controlled crying? What time do you suggest putting her to bed? At the moment she comes upstairs with me at 10pm but doesn't sleep til about 11.30pm.

I had exactly this with one of mine. Someone recommended and it worked right away . I didn't mind buying it because they sell well on ebay, and I thought if it didn't work I would just sell it on, but it was brilliant.

It is horrible isn't it? My ds was like this and is still a v light sleeper. We ended up co-sleeping with him in our bed, which we still do now he's 20mo .

I've actually grown to really like it and it was excellent for night-time bfing - I could feed him in my sleep .

I really like the look of the Nature's Nest - I'd be tempted to try that next time.

this book is also v helpful if you don't want to try controlled trying (personally, I think 11wo is too young - they don't have much sense of time at that age and I doubt they can tell the difference between being left for 10mins and being left for hours).

Why so late to bed? Does she have a bedtime routine? What is she napping during the day? Try and get into a routine where she's not sleeping later than 5:30pm. She should then be ready to go down for the night at 7ish. I know you say she will only sleep with you, but if you start with a set bedtime routine, this will help towards stopping this. Bath at 6:30pm, change her into her p.j's in the bedroom (just you and her), nice and calm - no loud noises, bright lights, tv, etc, then lights down really low for her bedtime feed. No eye contact, low, calm voice. Do a short burping routine, cuddle, introduce a bedtime song that you sing every night. I started giving DD a small fleece blankie at this time. Pop it onto your shoulder when you're feeding her. Then place it into her bed and lie her down with her head on top of it. The feel and smell will be comforting and she will soon start to associate that with sleep time. Don't give it to her at any other time than nap and sleep time. DD now 16 months, immediately knows what's happening when I show her her blankie.
Lay her down, tell her it's time to sleep and leave the room. She'll probably complain but give her the chance to moan for a few minutes before going back in. Tell her it's time for sleep, and unless she's really wound up, just use patting, vibrating, dummy, etc. I learned to tell when DD's cries meant that no amount of jigging and patting were going to soothe her. If so, pick her up long enough to calm her but don't take her out of the room or you'll have to start all over again.
Know this sounds like a lot to do, but this is what I used with DD from about 6 weeks and she started settling beautifully after about 3 nights. Now a champion sleeper. Good Luck.
Know some people may disagree with me, but I'm of the 'it's never to early to start a routine' school!

I agree with Jambot. We had a set bedtime routine with ds from when he was 2 wks old (bath 6.15pm, massage, jammies, feed, cuddle, lights off at 7pm) and we have never had a problem settling him for the night. All our friends who have babies that are problem sleepers and won't sette without exception tend to keep their babies up with them until they go to bed themselves (downstairs while they watch telly, chat, lights on, noise etc). Give it a go for a week - I think 11 wks is too little to do controlled crying!

settle, not sette...

i keep mine up with me until 10 then we both go bed

with 2 other dds its the only time we get on our own (wiyh dh too)

Have you tried cranial osteopathy? I was very sceptical, but my dd2 was the sort of baby you could never put down, and only slept either in sling or lying on my chest. She is still (aged 4) a light sleeper, so clearly that's just her character, but 2 sessions of cranial osteopathy did make a huge difference and get her started on going to sleep by herself. I think she'll have been about 8 weeks old at the time...

Thank you for some brilliant ideas.
Carolina - I have ordered the book as I don't really want to resort to CC just yet if possible. Lets hope it gives me some other strategies.
Jambot - we did used to have more of a routine when she was younger : I bathed her about 9.00 fed her sitting up then dimmed the lights and fed her lying down. Will try to start one this weekend but starting earlier so she goes down at 7ish.
Ellbell - was thinking about cranial osteopathy as DD had a traumatic ventouse birth and read on here about it. Where do I find one? and how much should I expect to pay?
Feeling a lot more positive about this now - just needed some realisitic advice.
One last question - should I start this fresh routine and put her in her cot (in own room) at the same time or is that too much? Worried that she may not settle in bed if I'm not there and don't want to go to bed at 7pm IYSWIM.

That book is full of ideas. You're supposed to do a sleep log and write lists of which ideas you're going to try, but I'm afraid I was never organised enough .

I took my ds to a cranial osteopath (he'd been born by em cs after getting stuck in my pelvis, so he'd had a lot of pressure on his head and down his spine during labour) and although it didn't help his sleeping much, he did seem more comfortable and it also helped his "chestiness". You can find one here . I paid about £28 a session I think, and ds had five sessions. He loved it .

Hard to say. Suppose the less scary option is to break it into two parts. 1) Get her to go to sleep on her own, then 2) when she's in a better, earlier routine, move her into the cot. Maybe in your bedroom first, and then after a few nights, into her own room.
Know I carry on about it, but that bedtime routine really does work brilliantly. Please give it a go. Just imagine getting your evenings back to yourself, getting into bed with a nice book and having a relaxed night in your bed.
Would definitely recommend a CO. Very popular in SA and have friends whose babies have really benefited. If you search mumsnet, you'll find quite a few references to a place in London that is some kind of CO charity and they will treat babies for a small fee/free - something like that. Don't know where you are.

Try www.cranial.org.uk

Update on first night :

went to bed at usual time 10.00ish but did a bath and dimmed lights routine. put her in her dreami-pod thing for the first time on the other half of the double bed without and covers over her. She fell asleep quite easily after bfeed but woke up and cried after about 10 mins when she realised I had moved over the other side of the bed! Did this a few times and eventually she slept for a couple of hours. After 3am feed she slept til 7am ish which was good but she had somehow managed to move across the bed so that she was touching me!! HOW ON EARTH DID SHE MANAGE THAT!!! Will try again tonight and once she has managed to sleep without touching me then I will make bedtime earlier and creep out of bed. When bedtime is 7pmish will think about moving her into her cot (shouldn't feel too different from the dreamipod on our mattress hopefully). Looking into CO.

Thanks again for your help

Hi Tuesday. My dd is also 11 weeks. For first 8 weeks she would only sleep on my chest, but then one night I managed to move her off me and onto the bed and she just stayed asleep even when I moved away. (On her front though - HV not happy but it's the only way she'll sleep.) I didn't do anything special, just lay there long enough for her to get into a deep sleep. My problem is what to do during the day. She will only go to sleep in the sling and wakes up immediately I try to move her out of it onto the bed or cot. I don't have time to stay with her as I do in the night because dd1 is around, and can't leave her to cry because it upsets dd1 as well as me. I'm desperate to get her to sleep by herself so I can have some time with her sister.

Some babies just don't sleep no matter how they are fed.
lots of sympathy

also she is still very little.......take the ead from her

Sounds like a positive start TC. I think a little bit every night is going to be the way for you to go. Keep it up. Thinking of you tonight. Good Luck!!!

my sisters youngest was like this and she had really bad collic, she followed the baby whisperers book where you put the baby down while its still awake and if it cries you pick it up and comfort it but as soon as its comforted you put it back down, apparently its because they need the reasurrance that your still there. worked for mysister.