3yr old and a non-sleeping through 1 yr old - 2 bedroom flat suggestions?

[BettyandDon]

We have a 2 bed flat and an 11 mo and a 3yr old. They have been sharing 2nd bedroom for 4 months unsuccessfully. The 11 mo wakes and cries normally twice per night and immediately DC 1 gets very distressed crying and screaming which further wakes up the baby with more screaming.

Currently the only way to get a half decent night sleep is for DC1 to sleep with 1 parent in 1 room and for the other to sleep in toddler bed next to cot with DC2. DC1 sleeps all night mostly and 1 parent (we take turns) gets ok sleep.

DC2 sleep is improving but very slowly. CC is out of the question due to the proximity of the rooms plus the fact that we have neighbours above us and directly through the wall.

The problem is clearly that parents are no longer sleeping together. Plus the parent is very uncomfortable in a toddler bed (room can not fit a single and a cot and kids are too young for bunks clearly).

I think DC2 needs to come back in with us in the cot until able to sleep through but my DH doesn't want this. He is bemoaning lack of sex life and general lack of noise making that comes with having baby in room.

I think it's important that DC1 gets a good nights sleep as she's just started nursery. I'm not sure how I can normalise her into the noise of sharing if she is finding it distressing?

Can anyone think of any other options?

We would love to move but absolutely can not afford to.

We had a similar problem when we lived in a 1 bed flat with our baby, as we found a baby in the room not condusive to intimacy! We moved house when she was 9mo but what we did was set a travel cot up in the sitting room. When we went to bed we would move her into the travel cot in the sitting room where she'd sleep until morning. We were lucky to have a heavy sleeper so we could pick her up and move her without her waking properly. If this is feasable, your 3yo could get a proper nights sleep again and you could get back to sharing with your DH, even if you still need to get up in night to tend to your 11mo.

I have slept separately for over 5 years in one combination or other.

I currently have a sofa bed in living room. DD1 has small bedroom and DD2 is in a toddler bed in main bedroom. When DD2 wakes, I bring her in with me.

I think you do need to prioritise your DD1's sleep at the moment.

Could you get a sofa bed for one parent to sleep in? You could get baby to sleep upstairs and come back down for some couple time before going your separate ways!

Thanks got the posts.

We don't have a travel cot. I'm not sure we would buy one to trial out her sleeping in the lounge. I'm not sure how she would respond to being moved that way once asleep.

We do have a sofa bed though in the lounge. It's not a great one but may be more comfy than a toddler bed :)

I just noticed DD2 sprouting another 3 teeth so maybe her sleep will get better once most are in (she already has 12!).

I'm surprised more people don't have this issue!

I have exactly this issue, almost identical circumstances, kids same ages, DP same attitude. Would love to hear about any progress you make!