Wits end with DD's sleep and back to work in 2 weeks... help

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DD is a year old, she's never been a good sleeper but has had good patches. For example she was sleeping through (though often waking early) in the summer.

However since the end of August she has only slept through maybe once. We usually have one or two wakes sometime between midnight and 5.30, and the real killer is that it takes up to an hour to get her back to sleep each time.

She has about 2 hrs nap during the day, bedtime is 7.45, she wakes around 6/6.30. So she's really not getting quite enough sleep and we definitely aren't. She also now won't settle for DH at night only for me so I'm doing all night wakings pretty much. We can't go to bed early due to DH's work hours (and mine once I'm back at work). And I am back at work (demanding job) in two weeks.

I really don't know why she's waking up. During September and October she had a string of minor bugs and was cutting teeth, however that's all over now. She has a bit of a cold but can breathe ok. Doesn't appear to be teething. Sometimes she will take milk, sometimes not - I don't think it's hunger that's waking her, she eats loads in the day.

Please help me solve this... I can't manage my job on this amount of sleep and DH just gets cross with her

I don't have a solution for you, Burr I was in same position a year ago. Ds was good from 5.5 to 9 months but much worse from 9 to 17 months.I started work when he wad 11 months and was exhausted. Weirdly I found it easier to cope with once at work as I was distracted from it. although I must admit to having a handful if days when I wanted to cry. For a while dh andI split the night into two shifts to ensure r each had at least 4/5 hours each. Grim but fair. It will also force your dh to get her to settle for him. My dh had to step up to the mark when I went back to work.

It could be teeth still, my DD is cutting at a pretty serious rate. She is 12 months old and last night cut her 13th tooth - I was sure it couldn't be teething as she just got the first 4 molars but sure enough here is another. She is also waking once in the night which is unusual for her. Once or twice I got up, and it also took me ages to get her back to sleep as she wakes up properly once she sees one of us. We find that letting her grizzle through her night waking is better for her and us - she tends to drop back off within 20 mins as she doesn't wake properly. If you're not up for this (I know some people aren't) then perhaps you could offer calpol or something similar, as I wouldn't rule out teeth based on our experience!

thanks both. yes it could be teeth I suppose, she doesn't have her molars yet and I know those are supposed to be awful. yay . I am totally up for letting her grizzle but usually she escalates to proper full on crying quite quickly... possibly because she's got used to us reacting quite quickly while she was ill... We've also got into a bad habit of giving her milk to help settle her more quickly, I suspect she now expects it.

thanks for the sympathy and advice!

I went back to work when DD1 was 11 mo, she didn't sleep through till she was 16mo so you have my sympathies. Splitting the night into two shifts is a good idea, also I agree that you need to share settling duties with your DH - once you're both at work it's not fair otherwise. It will probably be painful in the short term - DD kicked off every time I sent DH in with lots of screaming for me - but I think it's necessary to do it and keep it up (we got slack on this so by the time I was pregnant again I was back to doing all night wakings (she is still an unreliable sleeper at 3yo) which was pretty rubbish, but there never seemed a good time to sort it).

Does she settle herself at bedtime? If not maybe working on that (eg gradual retreat) might help reduce the length of time she's awake. If she's eating well then I would also replace milk with water as she may be associating milk with falling asleep. How does she go back to sleep at night, do you need to cuddle her/rock her or just be in her room? What worked for us was gradually reducing DD's reliance on us to fall asleep, now although she quite often does still wake once, I usually just go in, tuck her in and give her a kiss and she goes back to sleep on her own.

Last thought, bedtime seems quite late for a 1yo and sometimes they sleep worse when overtired, have you tried moving bedtime forward a bit? Appreciate may be difficult if you won't be back from work till late though.

I found it surprisingly possible to manage at work on limited sleep, I had the odd day when I was a bit of a zombie and I'm sure I was slower than usual but no one seemed to notice and I need to use my brain a lot at work. Good luck!

Other thought that has helped our DD a little - is her bedroom cold? Our DD has a bedroom with two outside walls so we bought one of those little oil filled radiators, to keep her room at about 17 degrees. We also put a little cardie over her PJs. She has slept till a reasonable time with these, and only woken once which I'm convinced is her teeth.

thanks again

Her room is always 18 degrees or more but we do also have an oil filled rad which we sometimes use to keep it above 20. I think the extra warmth helps but the trouble is the radiator clicks when heating up which seems to wake her, or at least distract her from going back to sleep if she's woken. catch 22.

basically she is a bit of a Princess and the Pea when it comes to sleeping, everything must be perfect...

7.45 bedtime is quite late but it fits with my work hours (I won't get home till 7) plus in the summer a 7pm bedtime was resulting in 5.30am wake up whereas 7.45 gives 6.20/6.30 which is more palatable! it might be worth trying earlier bedtime though just in case, it is one thing we haven't tried.

she can settle herself fine at bedtime or naptime when not ill/teething and she doesn't generally require milk or cuddles etc, I can just stroke her a bit and say sleepy time and then leave her to settle herself. At the moment however she is requiring a bit more cuddles/stroking to get to sleep at bedtime ... so maybe that is another pointer that says she is teething or that the cold is bothering her more than I thought.

however going back to sleep when she wakes at night usually needs cuddles and/or stroking in her cot for bloody ages, with shhing and deep breathing by me to relax her, and sometimes milk as well. she simply won't go back to sleep by herself even though she can do this at bedtime . I'm up for CC (done it in the past to get rid of rocking to sleep habit and teach self settling) but worry about our poor neighbours whose bedroom is next to hers.

you're all right that DH is going to have to pick up some of the night wakings... it's just going through the pain barrier till dd gets used to the idea I guess. She doesn't see DH in the evenings which doesn't help.

thanks again for the advice... In RL I seem to only know people whose babies slept through from early ages, I get looks of horror when I say dd is still waking good to know that I am not alone and you have all survived