Sleep deprivation getting too much.... Please help!

[cookiewuk]

My lo is 25 weeks and for the past 7 weeks has never slept for longer than 45 minutes at a time. She gets up at 7 and goes to bed at 7 and will reluctantly have 2 or 3 20-45min naps in between. If she goes in her cot she screams and screams even if she was asleep before I put her down. It's gotten so bad that I have to lay down in my bed with her until she falls asleep and then try to prise my nipple out of her mouth. If she's not completely asleep she cries and won't settle until she is latched on again. It can take an hour to get her to sleep and then I am lucky to get 45mins before she wakes up again. I often end up having to go to bed at 8.30 otherwise she just won't sleep and will scream as she's so tired. I spend most of the night trying to stay as still as I can so the nipple doesn't fall out and I can get a bit of sleep but it's a nightmare. My spd hasn't gone away so lying on my side is agony and I'm so miserable and grumpy with lack of sleep. I really can't think straight enough to come up with a solution that doesn't involve her crying herself to sleep which I don't want to do. :(

I feel your pain! my also 25 week DS has just decided the past few weeks that apparently he doesn't need sleep, and neither do I!

is your DD ebf? my DS is breast fed but I have found that giving him a bottle of formula at his dreamfeed helps to get a couple of hours straight sleep out him at least for a break for me.

I don't have any other advice or tips I'm afraid, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone

Thank you. It does help knowing it isn't just us! I have considered formula but I've never been able to get her to take a bottle before so I'm not sure it would work. Think I will try and expert tomorrow and she if she will take a bottle off my oh now she's a bit older.

Express not expert :/

Are you sure she is notin pain? Reflux etc?

Do you think a dummy might help? My 6 month old is a rotten sleeper, she has reflux and no ability to self sooth. I have to let her fall asleep on me and then when she's fully asleep move her to her cot. I find the dummy helps when I'm rocking her to sleep or if she's woken but not due a feed.

I think its easier with BF than FF to get into a situation where baby takes small very frequent feeds just to soothe. Somehow you need to ensure they have larger less frequent feeds and some other way of self soothing to sleep. Both of mine found their thumb and that helped. Continuing to use the breast for soothing whilst not ensuring baby stays awake long enough to take on a larger amount of food seems to lead to this cycle of small feed/small sleep. I think you can reverse it in small steps by making subtle changes.

Have you started solids yet? Is she hungry? I'd also try a dummy, even if you have to persevere and hold it in place that has to be more freeing than your nipple.
I know and fully understand that the guidelines are now 26 weeks for weaning but the timing makes me wonder, as babies used to be weaned from about 4 months as it was felt that they were hungry and I really don't see how I'd have kept my ds going until 26 weeks on the breast only.

Gosh that is awful. DS had a similarly time around the same age - it nearly broke me. He has gradually got better though sadly not much

When you say that you feed lying down, are you cosleeping? We found that was the only way to cope, it minimised the crying and at least made sure that the awakenings were quick. For detaching from the breast, the Pantley Pull Off from the No Cry Sleep Solution was great, it took a few tries but got him used to coming off the breast while asleep and over time, even before he actually nodded off. In fact, the whole book was awesome

We also did lot of naps in slings. Some people go for sleeping in shifts. No one I know has a perfect solution, but it does get better!

We don't have any perfect solutions, though - lots of people did

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. It's probably not much consolation but my DD (also 25 weeks) has had a similar sleep/nap pattern for the past 10 weeks. Fortunately she doesn't need to be permanently latched on to stay asleep, but she does like me to be within touching distance at all times.

I posted here when I had reached the end of my tether and had some good advice and insight into our situation. My DD is basically caught in a vicious circle of horrific overtiredness. It prevents her napping properly and makes bedtime a real battle. She's unable to get to sleep or stay asleep except with constant help from me.

In the past fortnight her sleep has slowly started to improve. Last night she woke every 90 minutes instead of every 45, which makes a huge difference when you're on your knees with exhaustion. Here's what I've been trying:

-prioritising breaking the cycle of overtiredness above all else. I let her play for an hour and then feed her and put her in a sling until she naps. Sometimes she takes an hour or more to go off, and it's hard having a baby permanently attached, but it definitely helps. She's now taking 4 half hour naps a day. I am certain this is really helping her sleep better at night.

-introducing one small meal a day. My DD has reflux and I took medical advice before doing this. I'm not sure if it has really helped her sleep-wise but she absolutely loves food and it hasn't made things worse.

-accepting co-sleeping is the only way to stay sane. I now share a double bed with DD and DP sleeps in another room. She still wakes a lot but I can't even remember every wake up come the morning.

-taking better care of myself. I was starting to feel horrifically depressed about our situation. I tried to put on a brave face, kept getting up and heading out to baby groups, staying up to do the housework etc. I was so exhausted I started having hallucinations. I have temporarily given up all unnecessary activities to save my energy for looking after DD through the night. I try to eat fresh and healthy food, admit I need help and accept this is a phase that will pass.

The No Cry Sleep Solution is a good read if you would like to stop feeding to sleep and gently help your baby to self settle. Once my DD is a little less sleep-deprived I plan to try some of the techniques myself.

and for you until things get better

Thank you all so much for your replies. It felt good to get it off my chest and to learn I'm not the only one struggling!
I went to a breastfeeding group at my children's centre today and the health visitors there pretty much said it was my own fault as it is learned behaviour and the only way to make it better is to put her in her cot every nap and bedtime and just let her cry while I sit and say in a non loving way that it's ok. Now that just horrifies me, I don't want my baby to feel like I won't second to her cries.
I need a much more loving approach than that!
I have checked the no cry sleep solution out of the library so am trying to read that as quickly as I can. I have tried a dummy and she just screams or gags, also tried knuckles and pinkie but apparently nothing compares to nipple!
Yes I'm cosleeping but don't particularly enjoy it as I worry she will get smothered. I just spend the whole night lying on my side being used as a dummy. I started weaning her a few weeks ago on the advice of a breastfeeding consultant but it hasn't made any difference. I don't think she is hungry as she is only having a proper fee a few times through the night, mainly it's just comfort. Hopefully answered everything but got to dash again as lo is so demanding.

Oh and she isn't sick very often so don't think reflux and I give her things for teething but that doesn't help either.

My DD is 25 weeks and sleep is an impossibility. Last night she was up for hours. I haven't smoked for 18 months and I very nearly bundled us both in the car to go buy tobacco. End of tether reached! It does sound like it's an age thing. No idea how to fix it but you have all my sympathy.

Oh and my DD is FF