Controlled Crying didn't work - so what now??????

[Jinty123]

Well, as you all know my dh and I started the CC last week and so far have not seen any real improvement in dd sleeping habits. She has one good day, one bad day, but on the bad days we can't see any real improvement since we started CC.

So last night she had been crying from 12.30pm periodically and at 1.30 I couldn't take it any more. I went in and picked her up (I know, I know the worst thing I could have done) and she clung to me for dear life!! Every time I tried to put her back into the cot, or even moved toward it she would cling even more and get quite distressed.

Eventually I gave in and took her into my bed in the spare room (dh and I sleep separately so that one is on duty and the other gets some sleep). She fell asleep within 5 minutes and didn't rise until 6am when I think her tummy started grumbling

Should I try Attachement Parenting and if so, does anyone know where I can get information on it?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Don't you feel that time helps rather than controlled crying? I never did it as I didn't think letting little babies get stressed out by being ignored helps. I put a single bed in my DS's room to start with and put him in his cot when he would and slept with him when he wouldn't settle. I worried myself sick over spending time in the same bed in case it caused bad habits and I wish I never had. Gradually he came to sleep most of the night on his until I now spending the whole time there. I also used to put him in his cot and held his hand through the bars which helped. I really feel that they just need to learn the confidence and trust to sleep without comfort and feel that CC just defeats this. He is now 6mths old and just occassionally he needs comfort and I still bed down with him for an extra hour or so. I tried not to read too much about it and find our own way of doing things and I am really glad I did. Trust your instincts rather that listening to GF and the like.

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Inkstigmata - I am also a newbie to MN and finding it extremely helpful but I haven't pitched into such controversial subjects (yet).

For what it's worth I happen to agree with you and have every intention to "sort" the sleep quickly this time (am pg) as lack of created mother and baby from hell last time.

Also a friend was much "crueller" than you - their sons sleep beautifully, are happy independent little souls.

Surely it's a case of live and let live....

Newatthis and Nimme

I'm a newbie too, well, at least I've been using Mumsnet for a while but only started posting recently. The "Newatthis" approach to getting to sleep has been pretty much mine and it seems to have worked. With my second child, I've been much more aware of how short babyhood is, it's gone in the blink of an eye, so I've found any old excuse for cuddles! They both sleep really well now on the whole.

I just wanted to say that I like the way you have both chipped in on this controversial subject - proof that discussing them doesn't have to turn into a slanging match that hounds people off the site.

Hi Inky, I'm sorry you've decided to leave MN as it really is a great site and I'm sorry you've had these comments against you. I also agree that helping a baby to settle themselves is paramount, something we didn't try until 10-12wks but may try earlier with no.2. It really depends on the baby, what type of crying, and for how long. I hate the term cc as it isn't appropriate for the many, different sleep situations. I usually use 'leaving to settle' and this involves 'grizzly' crying not 'hard' crying. Your term of 'crying down' is a good one & I know just what you mean by that. We didn't use 'cc' until 8mo and that involved around 20mins of quite hard crying, but it worked and now I have a baby that sleeps past the 45min mark in the day.

My brother has a 3yr old who still wakes several times a night whereas with their ds2 they've tried to leave him to settle much earlier on and at 4mo he's a great sleeper just waking once in the night for a feed. Starting the pattern early does help in the long run IMO.

And afterall my ds cried alot harder and for longer when awake with colic than he ever has done to fall asleep...

I guess this was just a case of using the wrong term in the wrong thread.. it would be nice to see you back.

Thanks to all who posted ? because of bloss?s response I didn?t leave. I hope people can understand that in no way am I at all interested in arguments or slanging matches ? quite the opposite. There are already far too many places (supposedly ?support? places) where you can?t discuss baby issues without having a pre-existing doctrine rammed down your neck. It?s the last thing you need if you?re having a real-time problem.

Karen99 ? I totally agree with your point about colic. If I add up all the time dd2 has cried so far in her six weeks, it is a very small fraction of the hours and hours that dd1 cried in her early weeks whilst I was feeding on demand, letting her sleep when she crashed, and in the evenings, even when both of us were rocking and trying to soothe her and she cried anyway. With dd1 we were doing our utmost to ease her crying with interventions, whilst with dd2 we have been leaving her to settle. I think it?s a case of "do the maths".

To all mums that have a contented baby that does his/her own thing ? congratulations , but I wasn?t so lucky and am not confident that I would be this time.

Twogeorgeousboys and Nimme, thanks for encouragement.

I personally have found Mumsnet to be a great source of info and thought it was a great chance to indulge in swapping ideas. This thread has made me feel that maybe there is a bit of a 'club' going. As a new parent, I also find this sort of attitude disappointing and have encountered it at baby groups. Can we all have different opinions and ideas without people being hostile? Even the most experienced Mum's don't know it all and every child/parent relationship is different after all. Can support not just be the name of the game?

So glad you've stayed Inkstigmata.

I have friends who followed Gina Ford's way of doing things and it worked for them and their children (now older toddlers and an absolute delight; love being awake enjoying the world, but love their beds when its time to go to sleep. Some people dislike the seemingly regimented approach, but it eventually brought some calm and sanity to a very stressed out mum and dad of twins!

Also know someone who did the "crying down" thing from pretty early on because they knew they had to go back to work after 3 months and just felt they had to get their baby into a routine if they were to survive (husband away on long detatchments so on her own a lot). She is a fantastic mother and I have always been full of admiration for her; she knew what was best for her baby and herself in the circumstances she had to deal with.

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Inkstigmata - good to see you're still here

Most of my friends are much more lenient than I am when it comes to sleep. I am more of the GF type now - wish I had been when DD1 was baby as I can now see it was what was needed (like Bloss)- but I wouldn't listen to anyone least of all the GF brigade.

A friend of mine says (when I said I wish I'd done differently first time) that we all do what feels right at the time and ultimately what's right for us.

Ditto Newatthis - every parent/child relationship is different - thank god.

FWIW the crying down with dd2 did work as for the last couple of weeks she has consistently settled off without a murmur. Last night she was (I think) actually quite overtired because I put her in wide-eyed and alert, which used to be a strong indication of crying to come if she'd already been up more than 2 hours, but on this occasion she still managed to drop off with just a few grumbles and no crying.

IMO I don't think she would have learned this all by herself, and she sure has learned it.