How do you maintain a decent level of happiness in your life when sleep deprived & other coping strategies?

[Bobsmyaunty]

My DD is 8 months old and has always been a crappy sleeper, and anything (cold, teething, cough etc) makes her even worse for a bit. I'm trying all sorts to improve the situation and I am soooo tired - as I know many of you are too!

I find some days it can really really get me down and I am desperate to not let it. So whilst I work on improving her sleeping does any one want to share what they do to keep their own mental/wellness state up?

So far I've been trying to

• eat really nutritious (easy to make) food
• do some mini bursts of exercise, like a 10 minute run when I can - any more woud kill me
• remind myself that you're all out there too struggling with sleep, I'm not the only one
• tune out to those lucky blighters who's babies have 'slept through from 5 weeks'. It just makes me feel violent.

Would love to hear anyone else's coping strategies to maintain sanity through sleep deprivation...!

Be present. Stop thinking about the sleepless nights ahead, or how tired you are from last nights lack of sleep.
Just be. Here. Now.

(Speaking as mum of 4 with a drama llama of a 2.5yo and teething 8 mo, I may have completely lost my marbles but I'm content and happy)

Acceptance (most of the time), and just keep remembering that when he's 15 years you won't be able to get him out of bed! It won't last forever (I hope).
We also co sleep so I can get straight back off again - you may think you can't do that now but after a month waking up every hour it will come quickly. We also go to bed at 9.
I make sure toddler dd gets lots of cuddles to hopefully offset the snappiness. Hopefully.

Absolutely echo acceptance and general lowering of housekeeping standards and social life (on a temporary basis) to prioritise sleep above all. DD did tease us with 3/4 month stretches of sleeping, and then firstly teething, then a move to a big girl bed later on triggered sometimes multiple night wakings again for months on end. At 2.5 years that settled and she's slept through most nights of the week since. She probably needs some comfort 2 out of 7 nights. I remember crying with sheer frustration when she was 16months and I was back at work, and she was still up 2 or 3 times. Sometime after that acceptance set in, and I just thought, she will sleep one day! And she did. Now I can't remember that desperation but with 2nd baby due in March I'm certain I'll be in for a refresher next year. Did just get the photos from 2011 developed the other day and thought, wow, I looked shit the whole year, regardless of hairstyle, weight, outfit etc, and it was basically because that was a whole year of broken sleep. Scary!!

Ooooo yes. Acceptance is the key. Don't think you are going to be able to do anything else, as if you do, you just get cross.

Also, and I don't want to hear if this is untrue/unprovable, but I've been told it's a sign of intelligence. Thus I can get smug in return with all of those 7-7 sleepers, by telling myself that they must be thick.

My DS (7, 5 and 3yrs) have taken it in turns to be dreadful sleepers (or all at once occasionally) My friend and I decided that they have a shared book to plan whose turn it is to wake up and what new excuses they can find.

Coping.....

Taking life slowly and doing the bare minimum
Time - my body does not know what sleep is so runs better than it used to on pure adrenaline.
Fresh air - getting out of the house whenever you can especially with the children
Talking to other parents having the same problem - or worse sometimes!
Not playing 'who is the most tired' - with your other half
knowing parents who have smugly enjoyed their babies sleep well and then grow up and suddenly have a toddler who is a terrible sleeper
Routine - I do not have enough sleep to make decisions or 'think on my feet' so find life so much easier if what I am doing is laid out for me.

I know you did not ask for answers for sleep problems but I found the book 'teach your child to sleep' the best!

Oh, my DS slept (and sleeps) fine.....

......but I still get fucking insomnia! It's great lying awake listening to the silent steady breathing of a child, thinking: "He's asleep! I could sleep! But I can't!"

OP, the thing that helped me get through it was being outside in the fresh air for as long as possible. I somehow felt less tired trundling babies round the park. We spent hours outside when they were babies and toddlers.

I also had a weekly routine that I stuck to pretty religiously, mainly so I didn't have to think about how to fill up a day. Monday baby bounce, Tuesday church playgroup etc. That helped a lot.

It passes. My two have never slept much and they are almost teens now, but over time you do get more sleep, and you can let them amuse themselves for a while as they get older.

You're doing brilliantly by eating properly. I neglected that one and ended up quite ill as a result. Good luck. It's knackering but it does pass!

yes acceptance is what I now realise I have achieved - but actually for me the sertaline has been a part of that as others have not been able to accept it - ie family, dh etc. though Dhs worry was me as I was not sleeping due to constant worry...... about sleep! well more what other people think about my decisions to bf longer term and co-sleep. hope the Dr can help such

DD is rising 12 and still has sleep issues. I'm older and have always had sleep issues. Which reminds me, I have to remind her again to do her sleep diary so we can try to get her referred to a sleep clinic when I was a kid, you just got drugs, lots of drugs in large quantities as I am clearly no use to her at all. You do learn to function largely without it, but I get p**sed off worry every time I read articles that tell me I'm fat and at risk of Alzheimers and strokes because I don't sleep enough!

If it makes anyone feel better, my DD does sleep all night, but makes up for it by never sleeping in the day and screaming bloody murder 12 hours straight.

Swings and roundabouts

Ever I have a troublesome 8 year old - he has problematic asthma so I'm either up with him and the stoopid wheeze, or prodding him to see if he's wheezing, or lying there wondering whether he's wheezing.

I average about 5 hours a night - so, I use sugar Buckets of the stuff and caffeine enough to poison myself which works, but makes me fat and grumpy. ANd, erm, forgetful...uh oh.

Mine was a really good sleeper from early on, quite a few nights in a row slept for 8 or 9 hours. Minimum was 5 hours. But I have never said this out loud as I knew it would probably not last, and I was right, it all came crushing down. Between teething, developmental leaps, colds, food etc it all went out of the window. He wakes up about 1 hour after I go to bed, when I am really asleep, and it feels like being hit by a bus every bloody time.

What helps me is being with people/outside as time seems to pass faster, coffee (but the Italian strong one ), and when I can't take it anymore also picturing myself throwing plates and anything breakable against the wall.

I had twins at 29 weeks; waters went at 26 weeks. They came home at 8 weeks old and I had to feed them every 3 hours; it took 1.5 hours to feed and change each one; didn't manage to feed them together as they were so tiny (about 4lbs) and I had spinal surgery so not strong enough. So after about 4 months I was dead on my feet. And having to do a school run with my 8 year old daily. They woke up every night, between 4 and 8 times for over 3 years. Twin 2 started sleeping through. Doctors realised that twin 1 was not producing melatonin (sleep hormone) so basically not tired. If your child is not sleeping though at about 3 years old they have a problem. (Twin 1 delayed developmentally so would take longer with everything). Also had night terrors. She's now 4.5 and has been taking melatonin for about a year. I try not to give it to her but then she wakes up in the night or won't go to bed - she'd stay up all night if she had her way. My son, now 13, is the same if I'm honest. He didn't sleep through until he was about 3.5 but still wakes very early and late to bed. How did I cope? Well, we haven't as a family and still find it hard. I have suffered memory loss and have felt very ill indeed. Getting better now but still suffer from complete exhaustion. My niece just had a baby and she's slept through since 4 weeks old (nice). Our best man and his wife were complaining that their 3rd was not sleeping through at 17 weeks - their other 2 were sleeping through by 6 weeks. Mine didn't read the books. I tried everything - giving food, biscuits and milk around 8 o'clock helped. Lavender scented baths, sheepskins in bed, cosy sheets, silk duvets, night lights, you name it, proper structured routine; stories etc. - hormone deficiency was the answer so if you're unsure, see the doctor.

Oh God, I really feel for you. My DS had reflux and was a DREADFUL sleeper day and night for about 10-12 months too (and then, like you say anything knocked it off again - teething, cold...) I actually felt like sleep deprivation felt very similar to clinical depression (I've had both). I think the only thing that helped was when my Health Visitor very kindly told me that it was ok not to enjoy maternity leave - not everybody does - and that doesn't mean you have failed some kind of tacit test of being a good mother. That took a lot of the guilt and worry away.

My DS is now 3 and half and honestly, I love this bit. I just found the baby stage reduced me to a gray shadow of myself. Like others say, get out of the house, meet with other people, and if you can find people you can be honest with and support each other rather than the whole competitive mummy squad. And get to bed early - I mean REALLY early -8.30pm if you can do it- as often as you can. This isn't forever, but oh God, it is shit whilst it lasts!

I was already sleeping badly anyway so in some ways DD2's sleeping patterns were a moot point but the way I viewed it when she was waking lots at night was to tell myself that the aim was to meet her needs as opposed to being to get her to sleep through. It meant that I felt I was doing something positive (meeting her needs) rather than it being a negative (my sleep being disturbed) and I felt that if I was able to acheive less in the day it didn't matter because my main task was meeting her needs.

Such an interesting thread. Acceptance definitely helps.Being outside definitely helps. Making sure you have adult company for at least some of the day. Bizarrely perhaps, I take great comfort in thinking abouthow people coped in days gone by (I don't actually know of course, but I imagine if you were a farm labourer or similar, with a tiny non sleeping child, you didn't clock watch, or sleep train, you just sort of coped)...

Agree with what has already been said. Take power naps, lower expectations and get fresh air. I find making an effort to dress nicely, get hair done, make up etc makes such a difference to how I feel.

But at the same time having a pj/tv day also helps. Knowing that I can lounge around like a slob and get DH to order in take away is also a small pleasure that cannot be taken for granted.

I do housework little and often to keep on top and have emergency 'bung in oven' meals for days when I can't be bothered to cook.

Stubbornstains I struggle with bloody insomnia too. Not always but sometimes. I've accepted this and rather than laying awake listening to DH snoring I get up and so something for half an hour. It works sometimes

I've been a chronic insomniac since I was about 14. To the point of zero sleep in 100 hours, fifteen minutes sleep per night for long periods, hallucinations, and certain other very strange symptoms. Things that have helped me:

Not ever sitting down for too long (i.e. getting up and walking around for a minute or two every half hour, or more often if you're dropping off)

Not sleeping in when there's the opportunity (it rarely helps)

Staying up until normal bedtime, even if you're very tired

Keeping a sleep diary (sleep seems to go in cycles and a night of sleep can comprise multiple cycles... sleeping three hours can make you feel better than five... it seems to vary from person to person, hence the diary)

Giving up caffeine (and not using sugar for fast energy, which leads to a worse crash)

Ice cold freshly squeezed fruit juice

Something to cool your eyes and stop them prickling

A pair of eye pads, M&S do a flight mask for about a £5, even if is could shut my eyes & be in total darkness for even just 15 mins with eyes shut, not even sleep,seemed to do something to my brain, made me feel refreshed, like my brain had time to reboot. I would strongly this as the ONE THING that saved me during those horrid sleepless years.

Buggers are now 6 and 11 and sleep like logs, thank fuck

Sleep deprivation is used as a very effective torture method for good reason. DS has always been a very crappy sleeper but only now at 2yo is he sleeping better - 1 or 2 night wakings due to night terrors now. Way I see it, I've had 2 years training in sleep deprivation so would make an awesome spy/marine - if I get captured and they try sleep dep torture I can laugh in their faces!!

I also take comfort in the thought that I can have my revenge when DS is a teenager and wants to sleep all day by poking him in the eye/randomly yelling every 1-2 hours and saying "see how you like it!!"

I never cancelled anything because I was too tired, because once I started down that path I'd have never done anything.

Chocolate.

Lie ins at the weekend.

I found that I got so used to being woken up as soon as I fell asleep that I actually found it hard to fall asleep. I'd be bright eyed and slightly manic rather than dopey. I never felt like I would fall asleep at the wheel when driving. I just went a bit mad.

oh and I currently make total use of the feed to sleep thing going against all the 'rules' cos it's a guaranteed nap for the two of us on my non work days!

mind you I make use of it at night too

I used to book a £9 travelodge room weeks in advance, look forward to it longingly, dump DS with DH at 5.30pm and have a very deep bath and in bed by 7pm. Long lie in, large fried breakfast then home by 9am. Rebook asap. Somehow just knowing I was guaranteed a long undisturbed night within the forseeable future meant I could put up with the rest of it.

I also found it easier to be on automatic pilot - I had a weekly routine with a playgroup/library thing every morning, one short household task every afternoon (10 mins max), a fixed weekly menu with shopping lists, and carved out as many tiny pleasures as I could into my day. I could have paid off my mortgage in costa points - it was just easier to be out and about.

It got better and I really hope you believe that it will for you too.

grants Me too. Fifteen minutes of downtime (in my case usually very light sleep) can make a huge difference in how I get through a day.

I always tried to have quiet time after lunch, even if no-one was actually sleeping. In the end, everyone slept at that time, and I did too! (That's with three children under 2) I think you can create a naptime vibe, which does brainwash the little ones into possibly sleeping.

I still have a nap after lunch sometimes, even if it is only 10 mins and they are pre-teens now.