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Sleep

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Original poster

Desperate. 1 year old waking 10-20 times every night.

22 replies

insideleg · 07/10/2013 10:03

Any advice would be appreciated as I am on the edge. DD is 1 in a couple of weeks and simply will not stay asleep during the night. She goes to bed 7-7.30 with no problems - never cries, just lies and fall asleep. She may stir a couple of times between 7-11 whilst we are still up but the problems start during the night. She basically bursts out crying many times a night and I don't know why. It is not even stirring, it is nothing to screaming immediately.
She still has a dummy so I think part of that is wanbting it back but sometimes she doesn't want it. I feed her at 10pm (sleepy feed) and once during the night (any time after 2am) but this doesn't settle her.
She is in a cot by our bed as we only have a small 2 bed flat and our son is in his own room.
I am thinking of taking the dummy away but am worried about the time it will take to 'get over' this mainly due to our neighbours and disturbing them during the night. She is also a poor eater and very picky, not sure if that is relevant
What else? Any help would be appreciated, or even any advice about finding a sleep expert?
Thanks in advance (sorry it is so long)

OP posts:

MissBattleaxe · 07/10/2013 10:06

I'm no expert but the only time my DS was as sleepless as this was when he was hungry and I had to BF him all night long.

Is she hungry? I see she has a Dream feed, but what about food in the day?

Original poster

insideleg · 07/10/2013 10:10

Thanks Battleaxe, she is a poor eater - really picky and only eats bread/yogurt/some fruit. Everything else is thrown or spat out. I thought a 10pm and 2am feed would get her through the night (60z formula) but should I be feeding more often?

She has always been a poor sleeper but it is getting worse not better.

OP posts:

DoItTooJulia · 07/10/2013 10:19

Oh, no, it's hideous when it's like this. You must be shattered.

Can she self settle at all? I think teaching that is a great place to start. You can do it in loads of ways, from the brutal (I'm desperate) to the gentle. It's obviously up to you which way to go about it.

The other thing I've found useful is le pause. The French way of leaving a crying baby for 3-5 minutes before you do anything.

A random thought, any allergies?

Original poster

insideleg · 07/10/2013 10:22

I know I am soft but I can't bear the thought of her crying so I do go to her immediately, also because of fears of disturbing our neighbours.

The annoying thing is she self settles really well at bedtime.

3-5 minutes does seem like a very long time - did it work well for you?

Thanks for the advice - no allergies.

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PoppyAmex · 07/10/2013 10:29

DD woke up pretty much every hour until she was 15 months.

We BF, co-slept (and after 6 months side-bed cot thing) and never let her cry.

At 15 months we moved her to her bedroom and she improved immediately. A couple of weeks later, every time she cried we'd go in put her down and give her two dummies (one in her mouth, one in her hand). Didn't say anything, just did this without fail and again never let her cry. 10 days later she slept through.

I actually think we were waking her up sometimes and the rest of the time she was just got into the habit of waking up because we were there.

Anyway, she's now 18 months and has slept through since then.

Original poster

insideleg · 07/10/2013 10:30

Thanks Poppy, unfortunately we don't have a room for her. She would have to share with her brother and would inevitably wake him up too.

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DoItTooJulia · 07/10/2013 16:40

Maybe you could try 1-2 minutes first? Often my baby would wake up screaming and if I went straight to him, which I usually did, he would definitely wake up. When we trialled 'le pause' we were surprised how often he would stop and just go back off.

Not all the time, mind, but sometimes. I was terrified of waking everybody up by leaving him to cry, even for a couple of minutes, and terrified that it meant I wasn't being kind to the baby.

We had a terrible time. Ds would wake as many times as you described. We changed everything in the end. I was bf and went to ff (not advocating this, just telling you what we did) we changed where the cot was, what he slept in, bought musical projectors and so it went on. I'm not sure exactly what did it in the end!

Good luck, really hope you get some sleep!

Original poster

insideleg · 07/10/2013 20:12

Thank you Doittoojulia. I know I need to try something very soon so will do a little delay. Am ashamed to say I have felt suicidal for the first time. My son was a poor sleeper though no where near as bad as this and I basically haven't had one full night's sleep in 3 years. I'm on the edge.

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stargirl1701 · 07/10/2013 20:18

We replaced DD's dummy with an Olly & Belle muslin. You could tie a muslin to the dummy. It may mean she can find it in the night.

I think you need to night wean if you are giving formula in a bottle. It is really bad for her teeth. Is your HV any good? Could you ask her for advice?

DoItTooJulia · 07/10/2013 22:44

Oh, insideleg, you must feel terrible. Once you've been through the wringer with sleep deprivation you understand why it's used as torture don't you?

You need a proper night or so off duty. Does dd take a bottle and can you express?

Can anyone help? Your mum? Pil? How's your Dh/p?

DoItTooJulia · 07/10/2013 22:46

Oh, I'm tired. Just seen that you ff.

I wouldn't worry about her teeth at this stage tbh, I'd get some sleep first. Don't think adding new anxieties is going to help if you're on the edge.

Worry about her teeth in a couple of weeks.

I'll be back tomorrow, ok?

ilovemountains · 07/10/2013 22:50

How about swapping your son and daughter over for a couple of nights? I wouldn't worry about the neighbours.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/10/2013 23:00

That seems quite old to still be feeding at night. Is she drinking too much formula in the daytime, if she doesn't eat much? DD didn't eat a lot for months, but just having some solids and less liquid seemed to fill her up and helped her sleep vastly, I guess because they take longer to digest. Bread and fruit are quite solid and DD didn't eat those til after 1 (apart from bananas) but would eat purees, and milky things like yoghurt and rice pudding were popular. I would focus on daytime feeding and trying to reduce milk in the daytime to encourage her to eat more.

I'm really sorry. This must be so hard for you.

Original poster

insideleg · 08/10/2013 08:59

thank you so much for all your replies.

I agree, she does eem to be feeding alot at night - 5oz at 7pm, 5oz at 10pm, 5oz at 2-4am - the problem is she won't drink milk during the day or any other liquids - this is the only way I can get the recommended amount inside her. And she won't eat properly. I try and try and try different foods whether it be finger food or puree and she spits it out or throws it across the room. She really is hard work. I hate feeling like this and I hate the fact that I regret having another baby at the moment.

I am going to see a HV in the next couple of days but she was totally useless when I mentioned my concerns at the 6 month check up.
DH is having a terrible time at work and being bullied quite badly so I can't burden him with this too and my parents who are pensioners already look after the children when I am at work part time (only a few days a week but I am out the house 12 hours so it is hard for them). It is up to me to sort this out. Sorry to rant but I don't want to moan to anyone in RL as everyone else has their own problems.

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CoteDAzur · 08/10/2013 09:07

She is not eating properly in the day because you are feeding her in the night. Stop night feeds and she will adjust - eat more in the day, forget meal times in the night, and sleep through. There is absolutely no biological reason for a normal 1 year old to feed through the night.

Yes, tie a muslin to the dummy. Tie several muslins to several dummies and sprinkle them around her bed.

Original poster

insideleg · 08/10/2013 09:12

I suppose I am worried that during a period of adjustment there may be a few days where she won't be eating/drinking during the day or at night which is a concern.

I also would have thought that she should settle after a feed but she doesn't.

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CoteDAzur · 08/10/2013 09:33

It will be fine. She will be hungry that first night when she doesn't get any milk in the night but then she will eat loads the next day to make up for it.

kalidasa · 08/10/2013 12:30

Sorry you are having such an awful time insideleg.

Interested in this thread as our DS (10 months) is not as bad but not a lot better - wakes 5-8 times a night at the moment. We are doing the 'gradual retreat' thing and he now self-settles well in the evening and we are being strict about not bringing him in with us any more but it doesn't seem to have stopped him waking up over and over again. Muslin tied to the dummy is a good idea.

Btw, DS also still seems to want a late bottle (at 10.30/11ish) - we are trying to cut it down gradually as I'm sure he can't really need it, but he does drain it every time even though he eats LOADS - three good meals plus snacks - and has done since about 7 months, he also has his bottles during the day. I think he's just greedy!

Anyway, just wanted to say that in your circs I think cutting down the bottles at night makes sense to encourage eating/bottles during the day, but that good eating isn't necessarily a magic bullet unfortunately.

stargirl1701 · 08/10/2013 13:02

15 oz is a fair amount of milk. The minimum amount is 300ml - about 9 oz? I would just offer water after teeth are brushed. Is there a reason you haven't switched to cows milk?

Original poster

insideleg · 08/10/2013 19:15

Thank you everyone. Right I am going to give her a sleepy feed at ten and then instead of another milk at 4 I will offer water.

How long would you then wait until dropping that ten pm feed?

Stargirl - she is still on formula as she is not quite one yet. I also thought that the recommended amount was 500ml, will look it up again.
Cote- i was also attach the dummy to a muslin.

Kalidasa-sorry to hear you're also having problems. It is so hard isn't it?

OP posts:

stargirl1701 · 08/10/2013 21:24

I've been there. DD woke every 40 min from 4-7 months. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture.

Can your DH help at all?

NachoAddict · 08/10/2013 21:35

Another one here to say your not alone. DS 15 months is not as bad as your lo but he wants feeding a lot in the night and he eats well most days. He is breast fed and think he likes the comfort.

hope things improve for you soon. Maybe you can have a few hours sleep during the day time this weekend ready to do battle with dd in the night.

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