Please PLEASE help me devise a sleep training plan

[nosleeptillbedtime]

My seven month old sleeps terribly, and has done for months. I don’t even know where to begin in devising a sleep training plan as there seem to be so many factors contributing to his terrible sleep. It needs to change as I want my husband to return to the marital bed and I will not be able to cope at all when I am at work if I don’t get better sleep. DS currently wakes 5 to 7 times a night and I am typically up 30 mins with him each time as I need to hold him as he has reflux after a feed (currently on meds from Ped for this). I get my sleep in short slots of 30 to 60 mins: perhaps one 90 min slot on a good night!

Issue 1. He is a demand fed ebf baby (which I regret now tbh) so he is used to snacking. When awake he usually feeds twice every 90 mins (short feeds). My big problem is that he only eats when he wants to, not when I offer a feed. All the books I read talk about changing when he feeds or increasing feeds, but he just refuses food if he doesn’t fancy it. However, I know he will sleep better if he eats more and he did for a week increase the amount he ate at each feed and started to have sleeps of up to four hours (for his first night sleep anyway). When he stopped eating so much his sleep cycles decreased again. I have no idea of how to increase his intake at each feed.
He cannot take normal formula due to food intolerance ( I have cut eggs, dairy and soya from my diet). He does not like the hypo allergic formula and it won’t help him sleep longer anyway as it passes through the system so quickly. We started to introduce solids at 4 months though this has not helped his sleep.

Issue 2. He unable to self settle and becomes hysterically upset if not helped to sleep. He is used to be held, rocked or bounced to sleep (due to the reflux). He also uses a dummy, though I don’t mind this as he often spits it out himself shortly after falling asleep or I can often take it out without waking him. I am trying to get him to develop a blankie as sleep aid. In the early hours of the morning he is clearly is waking though not needing food but unable to settle without help.

He naps for 45 mins every 90 to 120 mins in the day, which I feel is a lot for his age. I get the impression that he is now still tired after his nap, and that he is only waking because he can’t settle himself to sleep again.

I don’t know where to begin. Should I start by refusing food at night? But if I do that I will need to rock him to sleep and will reinforce this as a sleep cue? Should I try extending time between feeds in the day? Or should I start by encouraging self settling? Should I do everything at once? And what the hell does normal look like anyway for day time naps and feeds?

I would suspect that his reflux is not anywhere near sorted so this will be your problem. Until tackled e won't sleep any better (my two had silent reflux)

What solids is he on? And have you cut out dairy/soya?

I had mine on very "meat and two veg" type solids at 6 months. No onions, no dairy, no soya, no green veg, no tomatoes, no citrus. Very very plain. Anything more and they'd get reflux episodes.

Thanks, we started solids at 17 weeks and he is on three meals a day now, though not a big eater. We are trying to get him to eat meat, but still trying to find the meals he finds most palatable. We/ I eat no dairy, eggs, soya. Are gradually going to try introducing garlic etc to see if he tolerates these.
I think his big prob is just not knowing how to settle self and not eating enough in the day.

The thing is, the solids could be making the reflux worse - just having solids. Some reflux babies settle with solids and some dont. Mine were in the later category - solids made them constipated and they could only manage three meals once they got to 9 months. So I would consider dropping solids down and increasing the milk. Milk is incredibly calorific and what babies need most of at this age. The night wakings might not just be hunger - it could be discomfort from solids.

Thanks for this creature, but I think we will continue with solids as our paed has recommended it strongly. He does sometimes get constipated but we find feeding him a prune quickly remedies this!

Hi, you poor thing. You sound overwhelmed by all that's going on. It's not easy to have a reflux baby with allergies, so don't beat yourself up over the things you've done to comfort him.

I would start by reducing the night feeds. If you do it gradually then he'll not notice hopefully and will probably make up for it during the day. When I stopped night feeding, I watered down the milk so it had the same amount of liquid in it, then every couple of nights reduced it. Until eventually he wasn't having much at all, then stopped completely. He did really cry (from anger) the first night, and a little the second, but the third night he slept past his usual times of waking up for food. You can still cuddle him and rock him to settle or comfort him.

Then, when he isn't feeding at night, move onto gradually reducing the rocking. Maybe sway very gently, then every few nights reduce movement, until cuddling only. Eventually building up to having him lying in the cot (is his mattress raised etc? My DS slept on his front as would not sleep on his back as was so uncomfortable) and comforting him/settling him in there. If he's on his back rub his tummy, do it so it rocks him a bit (or if on front, rub back) and over the nights reduce that motion too. Hopefully this will help him learn to settle without you eventually, as long as he's not in pain from the reflux, obviously.

Hope I haven't whittled on too much! Good luck hun. I know how incredibly hard it is to be up through the night like that. Take care.

Oh I don't mean stop solids completely. I just mean if he's not eating much then give him the milk.

I agree with making doubly, triply sure the allergies and reflux are under control.

DS has dairy & soy allergies & reflux and was a nightmare sleeper. I realise now he's 18 months, that he is super sensitive to all dairy/soy, including soy lecithins or food that may contain traces of etc.

We sleep trained for months, night weaned, even got millpond and it didn't help at all.

In the end we eventually went back to the pead got his meds changed and I cut absolutely every possible trace of anything out both our diets (still BFing). He sleeps much better these days but will still wake for 2-4 weeks if I accidentally have dairy/soy.

Thanks people, sorry for delay in saying thanks. He is now only on two feeds a night, which is big improvement and no longer needs to be bounced on the ball to sleep. We are now going to try what you said stars, about moving from rock, to cuddle to just being put down. Hopefully will work!

So you've made progress already, that's great. Good luck with gradually changing things and remember slowly do it and I reckon you'll be there in a few weeks xxx