DD1 (3yrs 4 months) has always been a bad sleeper, waking several times a night and needing help settling back to sleep. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she has slept through the night. Ever. However, I've always subscribed to the idea that your child only has a sleep problem if it is a problem for you, so I've never really worried.
We have always coslept, initially in my bed, but since Christmas in DD's own room, where I slept in a separate bed. She would still wake several times a night and need her hand held for about 10 seconds before going back to sleep. I didn't consider this a particular inconvenience at the time. The pattern has always been the same; she always settles to sleep very easily, at 7.30, but invariably wakes between midnight and 1am in a vile mood, kicking and writhing in her bed, and ranting at her duvet / pyjamas / teddy / hair, anything at all, really. She isn't even really awake, but has to be woken 'properly' before it's possible to settle her again. Once settled back to sleep from this state, a series of smaller, more benign, wakings occur until morning, each requiring help to settle back to sleep.
When DD2 was born in June, I moved into the family bedroom with DD2, thinking that DD1 would be fine to sleep by herself, having practiced since Christmas. With hindsight, this was pretty awful timing on my part. We talked lots about how she would be sleeping in her room and I would be just across the landing and set up a sticker chart reward system. I anticipated the odd waking and resolved to try out a gentle "rapid return"; just pick her up and pop her back in her bed, until she would eventually be sleeping through on her own.
Three months later, DD1 is still waking anything up to 7 or 8 times a night (DD2 was born an amazing 7-7 sleeper, I can't believe it!). DD1 still sleeps well for the first 5ish hours, wakes for her rant, and then proceeds with her smaller wakings, during which she either tiptoes in to my room and asks me to put her back to bed, or hollers across the landing at the top of her voice, until I come and settle her (which is done in an instant). She has become increasingly anxious that I don't leave her and that I sit on a chair next to her bed in the dark, preferably all night. I have pleaded with her to come into bed with me, but she is adamant she wants to go back to sleep in her own bed.
Last week I accepted defeat and decided to try something different. I made a little bed for her next to mine, saying that she could come to sleep in with me whenever she woke up, as long as she was calm and quiet. It's worked well for a few nights: she insisted on having her normal go-to-sleep routine in her own bed, on the understanding that I would pick her up and put her down with me after her midnight freak-out. For three nights she sleepily went along with a transfer to my room and slept through until morning (well, 6ish) without stirring. Fantastic! However, the last two nights she has begun to do her wakey thing in my room too, and I've suddenly hit a wall with it. Last night I even made her come into bed with me, but it was a nightmare as she just wouldn't settle and was incredibly bad tempered. Incredibly, DD2 sleeps soundly through all of DD1's antics.
So, after a long preamble:
- What's up with this nightly midnight freak-out? Does anyone recognise it? It usually calms down after a wee, but could it be needing to wee that causes it?
- Am I too laid back not to have worried about this sleep thing before, i.e. have I neglected a "real" problem?
- What am I missing in terms of the bigger picture? What might be going on from my DDs POV (when I ask her what is causing her to wake, she just says "I do it because I love you.")? Will it ever end?
- How can I keep my cool and not lose my rag like I did last night? I feel awful today, knowing I was really quite mean to her in the small hours and I can see that she's sad.
Any thoughts or insights would be lovely because I think I've run out of juice for now. So tired...