Progress with self-settling, but still waking up frequently. Any ideas?

[CityDweller]

I've posted about this before, but I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark here (literally, often) trying to figure out how to help DD sleep better/ longer at night.

How long did it take you to see an improvement with night wakings once your DC self-settled? I've been working on self-settling DD (5 mo) at night for the past 2 or 3 weeks, and she'll usually fall asleep within about 20 minutes (during which I stroke/ comfort her in her crib if she gets upset), but we've seen no real improvement in the number of night wakings. It's totally random - some nights she'll only wake twice, other nights she'll be very restless and the only way for us to get any sleep is to bring her into bed with me.

I had read that you needed to really separate the last feed from putting down, which I tried last night for the first time (so last night did feed-bath-story-put down awake, instead of previously doing story-bath-feed-put down awake), and if anything it made things worse.

I do feed DD when she wakes up in night, if it's been more than two hours since she last woke to feed as I figure she probably still needs night feeds at this age. She obviously falls asleep on boob at these night feeds. So, is it pointless putting all this effort into self-settling if I'm still feeding her at night? How can you tell when they're waking because they're actually hungry rather than just out of habit? HELP!

No advice unfortunately, but watching with interest. I've a 3 month year old who I've just started on self settling (used to feed to sleep). He can do it on occasion, but I've also noticed his night wakings increasing, and his first stretch of sleep shortening.

It's getting me down - every other baby in NCT group has apparently slept through already :(

Yeah, Binky the lack of progress is getting me down. It feels like such a lot of effort for no reward and if she's going to carry on waking multiple times then I may as well go back to lovely, snuggly feeding to sleep.

That's what I think too - he did fall asleep on me yesterday and I transferred him like the old days. It makes me sad when he sleeps worse - think maybe he's missing being cuddled as much as he used to be. And then I feel guilty for feeling impatient with his waking. But I'm just so tired.

Hopefully someone can help us!

Not sleeping through at this age is normal.

Binky - ignore your NCT. Out of our NCT only 1 has slept through, the once who was the best sleeper at 3mths is to the worst at 9 months. They change, their needs change.

Personally I wouldn't worry about self settling before 6 months minimum. Enjoy the cuddles whilst you can.

Also self settling doesn't seem to = sttn

Sorry that's not much help.

I know it's normal - doesn't make fact that I haven't had more than 2.5 hrs sleep in a stretch for nearly 3 months any easier!

It's really really hard but to be honest, I would just do whatever it takes to get the max sleep until she is six months. My DTS are terrible sleepers but they have gradually improved over the past month (now 7.5 months) and DTS is now starting to sleep 7-4/5 on a regular-ish basis. Still fed to sleep for most naps and at bedtime, he's just started to sleep more solidly as he's got older. DTD is less good but her first waking is pushing later and later - now it's closer to 11, which means I can leave the house in the evening.

I haven't really changed anything although I have worked on a bit of settling without feeding eg morning nap I do the old shush/pat, rather than feed and I use this if they wake before they 'need' a feed in the night which is successful about 50% of the time. They have just been ready to sleep more.

No advice really. It does her better but takes time. Didn't try self settling until DD was 7 1/2 months and eating. She's 11 months now and getting there slowly. Good luck

Ooh I'm intrigued what was said that broke guidelines.....

Free that's heartening to hear. I'm beginning to wonder if DD is too little, at just over 5 months, to self-settle. After a good couple of nights doing feed-bath-story-bed the last two nights she got pretty hysterical after the bath. Last night I just fed her to sleep again as it seemed so stupid trying to soothe this very upset baby by other means when I knew she'd calm instantly on the breast (which she did). But then she woke every 2 hrs from midnight.

I really have no idea what the fuck I'm doing! Am totally making it up on the fly and have lost all instinct about what DD needs in terms of her night sleep. This sucks, is making me feel ill, putting strain on my marriage and I despair it ever getting better (at least in a meaningfully reasonable time - I accept she's unlikely to still be waking 4+ times a night in a year, but I need this to improve sooner than that!). Ok. Rant over.

Hiya, I totally understand how you feel- waking every two hours is painful and I think that at 5 minths this canbe iimproved upon. When she wakes is she actually hungry each time? Do you suspect she is just using it to get back to sleep? If just using it to soothe, do the sameself soothing ttechnique for the first night waking. Decide on a time that you will NOT feed before eg. 11pm and all wakings before then, follow the self soithing routine. I would have thought that a 5 month old wouldn't need to feed every two hours so choose a length of tine you feel comfortable with- you can always increase over time. I think the baby whisperer says a four month old should be able to cut feeding to every four hours as a guide, as long as they are getting a good feed in.

Crying in the night is painful but for us it took only a couple of nights before our dd got the hang of self soothing at night.
Good luck! X

Thanks mewkins I don't think she's really hungry when she wakes up all those times, but it's hard to tell because she's not a guzzler at the best of times (daytime feeds tend to only take her 5 mins!). She's suddenly started self-settling really well at night (last two nights I've popped her in cot awake and left the room and she's been asleep within 15 mins!), but night wakings if anything are worse. Last night she was awake for an hour at 4.30 am for no apparent reason other than to blow raspberries at me.

The issue isn't so much the first wake up (I don't mind feeding her before 11 as I tend to still be awake myself!), it's all the ones after that. A friend suggested I don't feed between 11pm and 5am and send DH in, which we may start doing next week.

Yes, that sounds a good plan. She may associate you with comfort snacking! Great news that she settles well at the start if the night - as long as you keep it low key during night wakings I think she would get the hang of it. Hope it continues to get better! X