Please could someone come an help me sort out bedtime for my 18 mo DD?

[Suchanamateur]

I've written about this before but it's still not sorted. DD just takes forever to settle at bedtime. She goes to sleep on her own - and is mainly quiet after I lay her down (she sucks her thumb) but with the odd cry out every now and again. Usually about 50 mins from put down to actually asleep.

I wouldn't mind but (a) it pushes her into overtiredness and we already have early wakings and (b) she pulls her hair out to twiddle as she sucks her thumb and the prolonged settling mean she is getting a bald spot!

All this happened after we finally moved to 1 nap only. Can't work out if undertired or overtired. And perhaps I should just move to a set bedtime instead of fiddling around with different timings depending on when she wakes from her nap. What do your 18 mo do?

She gets up between 5.30 and 6 usually, and naps at 12 for 1 hr 10- 1 hr 40 ish, depending.

Any ideas?

My DS always went to bed at the same time, 7pm, regardless of how long he had napped for (it wasn't uncommon for him to wake around 5pm - have supper & bed - go back to bed at 7pm ) - however I think I was blessed with an incredibly easy baby who just loved to sleep.

Does she have books/toys in her cot to look at whilst she is settling down?

Would she like a light projector or story tape?

Re the hair thing, would a doll with long hair work as a comforter, or a sheepskin?

My 18 month old goes to bed between half 6 and 7 every night, generally the same routine- bath, milk, cuddle, put him down when he's almost asleep or actually asleep. He has one nap in the morning, about 10, for an hour or so.

If he does cry and stand up again, i pick him up and rock him to he settles or try and pat him back to drowsy while still in bed. But the last week or so I've left him for a minute to see if settles himself and he mostly does.

Have you tried simplifying the routine, sticking to a set-ish time and seeing what happens? I would also try and knacker her out towards tea time as well, see if that helps!

Ps I think by 18 months it went -

In the Night Garden
Bath
Stories
Milk
Bed
Same time every night.

But sympathy, op, my son suddenly seems to have settled in the last few months, prior to that i dreaded bedtime.

Thanks all! So we've had straightforward set routine for at least a year (she's my second so we were already in the swing) so I don't think that's it.

We are trying to find her hair replacements but as yet mine is the only one that will do. She's not particularly unhappy in her cot just can't seem to get to sleep. A light show wouldn't work for her I don't think as she gets excited an stimulated really easily.

I've tried putting her down between 4.5 hrs post nap to 5.5. Had success occasionally with both but mainly just pain in the arse-ness with both. Her subsequent OT then leads to 2 hr night wakings. Arghh.

Oh and she gets lots of running around. Spent most of this afternoon tearing after her brother on a windy beach. I'm knackered and would happily have slept if someone had read to me and sang me a lullaby at 6.15..

Bedtime in my house is half past 7 and has been since dd was 2 months

Occasionally I have to put her to bed early but if for any reason I try and keep her up later she just goes to sleep

I think the same time thing works for us really well.

As a pp said sometimes if she naps late/long or for a second time she can wake up at 5,6 eat and go back to bed.

I use a music cd to give her brain something to focus on while she settles

Have you tried an earlier bedtime, we found with ds that around 18-21m that he wouldn't wake any earlier or later but by popping him into bed around 6.30 he would get a bit extra sleep and if to bed later was almost overtired and running on adrenaline.
The other thing I read which makes sense is try something for a while, 7-10 days as its really tempting to try lots of stuff with new ideas every couple of days but you never quite know what is working.
Ds bedtime routine is as follows...
Cheese and oatcakes around 6,
Upstairs close curtains and lay pyjamas on his bed
run bath and clean teeth
bath play wash etc.
Into his room to dry and put on pjs
drink of water
read three books, takes at least 15m - great wind down time and we use old favourites and save new and exciting books for daytime reading.
Cuddles and tucking in, turn on gro clock.
He has always been an early waker, but now at 2.2 he is often sleeping past 6am which for us feels amazing!

We have wake up around 7am, nap 1-3, bed around 7.30 with bath, bottle, teddy, bag and lullabies cd, this one: www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lullabies

There's a sleep regression at that age. I remember going back to rocking etc but we're back to self settling (dd now 21 months, my second dc). Her nap looks quite short. I'd go for a 12.30 nap and super early bedtime of 6.30pm. Would she have a morning nap? Both of mine still had catnaps of a morning until 20ish months.

Hello again! After a few brilliant weeks of going down at 6.30 and sleeping really well until sometimes 7.30am I knew my luck would change and I'd be back here again . We've had an absolutely bananas few weeks with DS going to stay at grandparents, me going back to work after 2 months off, weekends away and no routine whatsoever. This evening we had friends round for dinner for the first time since DS was born, it took him 1 1/2 hours to go to bloody sleep-I couldn't eat my dinner as I was so stressed out. This week we've had everything from dropping off in 2 minutes (when DH put him to bed, obviously) to screaming for 35 minutes to chatting for an hour and a half! I have decided just to grit my teeth and persevere with the steady bedtime of 6.30pm and a 1 1/2 hour nap and hope that we get back to settling a bit more quickly.

Thanks for all the advice - looks like consensus is to stop fiddling and just plump for a bedtime and stick to it. And hope things get easier post regression (we've already been here for at least 8 weeks..:()

So...CreatureRetorts - do you think I should push the nap later even though she is an EW? Happy to do a 6.30 BT as suits me in terms if getting DS to bed (and we've done lots of earlier BTs in the past). Unfortunately DD is not a long napper.

How long do I stick to things to assess whether its working?

Teacher123 - nice to 'see' you even though I'd hoped for your sake you wouldn't be around! What time does your DS nap? Fingers crossed that the consistency and persistence will pay off. So frustrating that they won't sleep when you know they're tired. Hope return to work has been ok.

Oh and redcaryellowcar good luck with more post 6am wakes - I know how amazing they feel!

He usually has lunch around midday, then a quick play and upstairs for around 12.45. I then get him up around 2.15. He's always fast asleep, he never wakes up from his naps naturally, god knows how long he'd sleep for if I left him! He definitely plays up at bedtime most for me though, and I'm sure that this week it's because I've not been around anything like as much and I think he's missing me. When DH puts him to bed if I'm not there he goes out like a light, same for grandma. I won't lie, it's quite annoying!

The two nights that he's been the worst for settling this week he's had a longer nap both days, could be coincidence, but it's why I cap the nap.

It is also getting light later in the mornings, so that should help with early waking (fingers and toes crossed!)

Well despite me cutting his nap at 1 1/2 hours, he's been chatting to himself for 20 minutes, so in conclusion I know nothing! But as previously discussed I need a REASON for everything that my small ball of chaos does, so I shall continue to tweak things and ignore the fact it's probably all random!

I'd try for a week. A later nap might mean a shift in day and later waking in the morning. However the nights and early mornings are getting a lot colder so make sure warm enough!

Well we got a rare 2 hr 10 nap yesterday (ending at 2.30) and I put down at 6.45pm - asleep just after 7.20 so not bad for her. 5.30 this morning though. Yawn..

Going to start with set bedtimes in a few days and hope for the best. Bit like multiple choice - got to get the right answer sometimes, no? And removes need for me to do complicated maths.

And right there with you on the reasons, Teacher

Well he took an hour to drop off last night-so I give up! It has definitely coincided with me going back to work so am just going to grit my teeth and hope it settles down again!

Between he and DH I had a really disturbed night-DS did 2 really loud shouts at midnight so I jumped out of bed thinking he was in trouble and he was fast asleep... Took about 1/2 hour before my heart stopped racing. Then DH got up for a wee at 3am and up for work at 5.15am... Grrrrrr

Grr indeed. Between DS wanting tuck ins and water and DD crying out (but not needing me), mine was v broken too. We're on (rainy) hols at the moment but guess that doesn't mean a holiday from lack of sleep.

Hopefully once your DS gets back into your working groove he'll return to his angel baby ways? At least you know he has it in him. DD definitely doesn't. She wants no part of any down time and is determined to be as independent as she possibly can. She walked about 1.5 miles up a a steep cliff path this morning- any attempt to help her was met with screaming and fury. Sigh. I'm sure it will stand her in good stead as a strong independent woman. But it's exhausting now!

I hope so, he's an incredibly determined and independent little soul but is also quite sensitive, and I think that having so much time with me and then it suddenly stopping and being so haphazard has rocked the boat a bit. Luckily for him we're not doing anything remotely exciting for ages, so am hoping he'll settle back down!

At the moment he refuses any help with his food - meal times are averaging an hour, refuses to hold my hand walking around, refuses to be carried anywhere, the list goes on...!

An hour last night. So up at 5.30, nap 12.30-2.20, in bed at 18.30 and asleep at 19.30. And then woke screaming at 5 today. Managed to get her back to sleep after 45 mins but not for me. Yawn

How's your dd doing? DS is taking an hour to drop off at bedtime, am going to see how he does tomorrow as he's at home with me-wondering whether its the early start/ later nap/over stimulation from being there. Or again I may just be looking for reasons when in fact he's a toddler. This is what they do!

It is! But a quieter day might help? And a bit of mummy time.

I'm a SAHM so can't blame lack of mummy on the mad sleep, although she is often wildly over stimulated by her older brother. We are still getting at least an hour to fall asleep. Sticking to 6.30 for the moment and trying not to fiddle. Wish I could jut make my peace with it but I can't! Let me know how your DS does after a quieter day

How're you doing?

At least an hour and ten minutes tonight after a nearly 2 hour nap (and not sure she's actually asleep). Am beginning to think she's really undertired and actually needs a later bedtime (although I couldn't contemplate anything later than 7). She's up late as it is!

But then she's also up early...