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Original poster

Weird to be co-sleeping with 4yo?

52 replies

ClementineKelandra · 04/09/2013 17:42

Dd is 4 in a few weeks and we still co sleep.

I have no issues with it at. We both sleep really well and she has her own bed all set up if at any point she decides she'd rather sleep there.

The problem is that I'm now being told its weird to be still co sleeping at dd's age. Friends, Dsis and HV all expressed concerns and made me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Does anyone else still co sleep with their child at a similar age or older?

OP posts:
Petitgrain · 04/09/2013 18:50

It's not weird, and it's nobody else's business, either. Do what works for you. If anyone asks you again say gently they seem a bit obsessed with your daughter's sleeping habits and ask them if everything is alright at home.

Original poster
ClementineKelandra · 04/09/2013 18:52

That's what I get too, lots of people trying to give me 'advice' about how to stop when it's actually not a problem, it drives me crazy. Then I end up worrying that I'm getting it really wrong so it's lovely and reassuring to hear that I'm not alone.

Dd always ends up curled up at the foot of the bed so I hardly know she's there most of the time. I'm sure I'd get much less sleep if she was in her own bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClementineKelandra · 04/09/2013 18:52

Petit, I like that response :)

OP posts:
hellymelly · 04/09/2013 23:53

tbh I think most small children given the choice would like to sleep cuddled up with Mummy. Just like all other small mammals! After all, if you are a small child it is the safest place to be. I remember reading a lovely piece by Germaine Greer, who when she was in India, was joined at night by a small boy of the family she was staying with, they all thought she would be terribly lonely sleeping all alone, so he (aged about 8) would cuddle in with her to keep her company. Smile. Oh and Jo Whiley has a huge bed, so that all her 4 can sleep in with her and her DH when they want to, and sometimes they are all in together, the oldest is 20s I think, and the smallest about 4.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/09/2013 00:04

I wouldn't think someone was weird for co sleeping. It's just not something I'd do myself it's my idea of hell :o

However, do you not worry about your Ds feeling rejected if/when a new man/woman does come into your life? Or you have another child?and you want your bed back. That would be my only concern.

But hey if it works for you then who cares what others think :)

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/09/2013 00:04

Dd sorry Blush

recall · 05/09/2013 00:09

If it works for you then its not weird. Most other species sleep with their young, I think humans are weird not to sleep with them, its the most natural thing to do.

zookeeper · 05/09/2013 00:16

My dd aged nearly nine sleeps in my bed most nights. She's happy and confident and it's just not an issue. sometimes we are joined by my ds, 10 and, more rarely, ds1 aged 12.

I'd much prefer to sleep with someone in my bed so why wouldn't they?

On the occasions that I have, ahem, company, I tell them two go to their own beds and it's fine.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 05/09/2013 07:39

last night I escorted my 6yo out of my bed when I went to bed. when i got up my 4yo was sleeping next to me. I don't think of it as Co sleeping just the nightly musical beds.

Twicethehugs · 05/09/2013 08:45

Not weird at all - normal in many countries. My sister is married to a Japanese man and lives there - they just add another futon and make the bed bigger so all 3 kids slept with them for a while. Japanese people think it's strange to put a baby in a cot in a separate room and can't understand why people in the UK do it!

nickelbabe · 05/09/2013 09:52

It's unusual, but it's not weird

why shouldn't you sleep in the same bed?

I sleep with a 52 year old.
(and yes, we sleep - he has to be up too early in the morning to do anything else, and if we wanted to do anything else, we wouldn't do it at bedtime anyway)

whatever works for you as a family is fine.

TantrumsandBananas · 05/09/2013 10:04

I love all these positive posts!

I too have a co-sleeping 4 (in a couple of weeks) DD.

I finally got sick to death of listening to all the "advice" I was getting. I listened to all this wonderful advice, and it pretty much drove us ALL demented!

I now have her every night, and my DH goes in another bedroom. Although, sometimes, I go in the other bedroom.

I have stopped caring. We are ALL happier, actually getting some sleep, and not playing musical beds at 3 in the morning.

I am now of the opinion that she will grow out of it, its not forever.

Happier house now.

nickelbabe · 05/09/2013 10:19

Reading helly 's post about Germaine Greer made me think, we used to all sleep like that in the "old days" - even in the TV adaption of Pride and Prejudice, the two older two sisters sleep in the same bed, so it was the norm even in big houses.
I've read biographies from pre-war childhoods and they all slept together (mostly siblings in these books)

I wonder whether it's to do with the middle class penchant for separate beds - where mum and dad would have separate beds because it proved you had money - you had enough money to buy and launder two sets of linen.

NoComet · 05/09/2013 10:20

DF still co slept (and BF) her DD until 5 and then stopped both as her DD was a very frigidity co-sleeper and she decided she really, really wanted a whole nights sleep.

DD2 is another very long term BF and co slept for bits of the night for years. No idea when she stopped, what is partial co-sleeping and what is having a hug and falling asleep?

She's 12 and climbed in bed for 30min-an hour the other night having had a bad dream. I was surprised haven't had her do that for ages. Too much watching HP films I think, she can watch The hunger games and Twilight, but Vildermort killing Harry's parents gets her everytime.

OP smile and nod and don't worry. I think HVs, SS etc. worry if older DCs don't have the choice of a clean warm bed of their own. Nowhere does it say you have to force them to use it. Indeed during DD2's phase of having horrible dreams about tigers it would have been down right cruel.

BeCool · 05/09/2013 10:26

I don't get any "advice" about our co-sleeping, as I don't discuss it with anyone.

Not that I've got anything to hide at all, it's just where everyone sleeps in a home is not a topic of conversation that comes up with anyone I talk to at all. Ever. With anyone (outside of immediate family).

Now what I find weird is people putting young babies in cots. Even weirder is when those cots are in another room. But I just say that here on this thread - I'd never share my astonishment to anyone who actually does this, as it's totally none of my business.

BuntCadger · 05/09/2013 10:27

My ds2 (5) and dd (22m) still sleep in family bed and I'm expecting dc4. Dh hasn't slept in family bed for years, works well and we all get sleep. I do give a shiny shit if people think it's odd, it works really well for us all and doesn't impact on dh and our relationship in a negative way Wink justasw sure we are more 'creative'

Babieseverywhere · 05/09/2013 10:27

We have a double, a kingsize and three single beds and a cot bed in our home. In an average night we'll have three children sharing a double and DH, me and baby in the kingsize and three empty single beds and an empty cot !

Plus the 5yo and 3yo often join us midway through the night,it can get crowded but it is only for the next few years.

IMO as long as every child has their own bed and they are cosleeping by choice, who cares where everyone sleeps. Of course as they get older I would expect them to migrate back to their own beds by choice.

SleepyFish · 05/09/2013 10:28

Of course it's not weird and it's not unusual either, ime it's actually very common. DS is 5 now and mostly sleeps in his own bed but comes in for morning cuddles, it's lovely. I also think it's especially nice when you're a lone parent.

BuntCadger · 05/09/2013 10:29

Lol babies everywhere, yup we have unslept in but all ready to be beds in our house too

OneStepCloser · 05/09/2013 10:36

We bed hop a lot, ds (4) likes co sleeping, I dont feel inclined to push him out it works for us. Dd use to co sleep, it made her feel safe, shes now 18 and obviously not for a long time, but she is very independent very confident so its done her no harm.

OneStepCloser · 05/09/2013 10:38

Also, its totally natural, wasnt it the Victorians who started to frown at co-sleeping? Lets face it none of us want to be Victorian Parents Grin

FreckledLeopard · 05/09/2013 10:53

DD is 12 and still co-sleeps. I'm a single parent and it doesn't bother me. She has her own room and bed, just rarely uses it.

worldgonecrazy · 05/09/2013 11:00

It's weird in the UK, but not in the rest of the world. We still mostly cosleep, through choice. We sometimes put DD in her own bed, but if she wants to sleep in with us we don't stop her. We were going to move her into her own bed full time when she was younger, but as we all like cosleeping, we see no reason to stop until DD decides that she is too big. She does occasionally ask to sleep in her bed, but she knows she has the choice.

Didn't Brad Pitt and Angelina have a really large bed, custom built, so that they could all cosleep? I think it's lovely to have such close family bonds.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 05/09/2013 19:17

Not weird in the slightest.

GEM33 · 10/09/2013 16:54

Why would it be wrong to share a bed with your own child? Not weird. As long as everyone involved is happy with it don't listen to anyone else x