Not handling 9+ months of sleep deprivation very well right now

[eversomuch]

I'm lucky if my 9 1/2 month old sleeps for half an hour during the day. I sometimes spend hours trying to get him to nap during the day and he still wakes up as soon as I put him in his cot; even in his buggy he only sleeps for around half an hour. He's in bed by 7-7:30 pm but wakes up at least 2 or 3 times (usually starting about half an hour after I've finally make it to bed and just drifted off to sleep) and is up for the day around 5am, so I'm getting a max of around 4-5 hours of broken sleep, which, after months and months is really starting to wear me down.

It's worse when he's teething but crap even when he isn't. He's EBF and has never taken a bottle, despite some attempts, so I'm the one in and out of bed all night and up at the crack of dawn (DH is a light sleeper, so he's feeling the effects as well and getting migraines now. I am not attacking him for not doing enough; he's working very hard so that I have the luxury of staying at home with the kids FT.).

DS is otherwise a thriving, happy, laid-back little man, but this sleep thing is doing us in.

Also have a 2 1/2 yo DD who's home with us all day (starts playschool for 2 mornings a week end of September) and has her own very demanding moments.

Both kids are good and I adore them, but I'm just soooo tired. And bc DS doesn't take a bottle, I still can't get away much -- I get about 1 hour to myself sans kids each week. Maybe. (We have no family in this country and no close friends locally who could help out.)

I just want to cry. I'm tired and stressed out and my jaw hurts from constantly clenching it in frustration.

I feel like a complete Jekyll and Hyde these days. I know a lot of people have it a lot harder, and a lot of people seem to manage with a baby and toddler so much better than I'm doing.Everyone says it gets easier -- and I admit that it really has on some fronts. I know things would be so much better if we could fix this sleep problem, but I don't know how. DD was on a really reliable routine very early on and sleeping through the night by 6m. It's just been much harder getting DS on a day-time napping routine. He's crawling now and I'm hopeful that maybe he'll just start tiring himself out more every day. Right now, though, I'm dreading the non-stop days and broken nights.

Did you just need to have a moan or are you looking for practical advice on how to get your baby to properly sleep through the night?

Been there done that (although I've only got 1 dc so I appreciate I've probably got it a little easier).

My dd will nap in the pushchair but only if we're out & it's a bit hit & miss tbh. I usually just stay in & let her nap on me - I don't know if that's an option for you at all?

As for nighttime sleep, it's been utter hell - dd went through a period of bf every hour day & night &, until v recently, she was still bf 4-5 times at night.

We've had to do cc to get her to sleep in her cot in her own room - started about 2 weeks ago (she's nearly 1 btw). We've had a few really crap nights since starting, but on the whole it's going pretty well I think.

I do fully get where you're coming from though, it's shit isn't it?

My DS started waking lots when he was 3mo. On a bad night he'd wake 8+ times, a good night 4 or 5 times. He was ebf and I fed to sleep each time.

Didn't know what to do felt alone, like I had no support, noone to help, noone who understood. Had moments of ranting at DH about can't cope, can't do this anymore. Yelled at DS a few times. Wanted to throw him out the window (I didn't!). Had one or two days of near total breakdown, e.g. When builders were in but was too shattered to go out with pushchair.

Spent most of the time running on empty. On a gd day just got on with things. Fresh air and seeing friends helped. On a bad day I felt too tired to carry DS up the stairs.

In the past week he's started to sleep up to 3.5hrs in one go - not every night but still a massive improvment. And I've managed to cut down to two or three night feeds so DH now deals with some of the waking. I'm starting to feel human again. I just needed a little bit more sleep.

I'm in awe of anyone who does this with a toddler in tow. I really don't think anyone can possibly imagine what it's like to have a non sleeper, and the sympathetic sighs from other mums (whose babies all sttn of course) don't help. Eg you really don't look like you've had no sleep... You look great... I don't know how you're coping etc etc. I also don't have family in the UK but am also really rubbish at asking for help or accepting help that's offered.

Think in the end I survived by just taking one day at a time and trying to go with the flow.

It's bloody stressful but it does honestly get better.

At the risk of stating the obvious can't you go to bed earlier? I have no idea re the waking, but surely your bed time is something that can be controlled.... No direct experience but my friends ds got up repeatedly and in the end she accepted the situation rather than constantly trying to change it. Her other one also slept fine .

If he's only slept half an hour in the day his bed time should be if possible much earlier more like 6 6.30 latest. Could you go to bed a few times a week very early, r.g.8pm?