17 month old goes to sleep fine at bedtime but will only sleep with us when she wakes at night

[whoopdewhoop]

Do I ride it out and put it down to the 18 month sleep regression?

DD2 has never slept without waking, but has always been able to get herself to sleep alone for bedtime and naps (with dummy). I've always responded to her quite quickly at night as DD1 is a light sleeper and finds it hard to get back to sleep after being woken by DD2's crying. In the past this has meant sometimes bringing DD2 into bed with us when she won't settle with hug/water etc. Recently she has gone down fine at 7, but then woken between 10 and 12 and refused to settle unless in bed with me. I cracked the other night and decided to leave her and see what happened. She cried on and off for 2 hours before I gave up and brought her in with me. It was whiny crying, and she would cry for a minute or two, then go quiet for about 10 minutes, then start again. Last night I thought I'd try just sitting in her room for as long as it took and then leaving. I thought it was working as she seemed to go to sleep quite quickly, but she wasn't really asleep, as every so often she'd open her eyes to check I was still there, and if I tried to leave she would start bawling.

Sorry for the essay. Basically my question is: Should I persevere with some kind of sleep training (be it gentle or leaving to cry), or just suck it up as a sleep regression and see how she's doing in a month or so?

I think you may have to be tough here. No one benefits from disturbed sleep. It may be the ideal opportunity to get her to learn to self settle and not expect attention throughout the night.

Thanks Yoni. That's my feeling. I just couldn't believe she still hadn't settled after 2 hours the other night. The fact that she would go quiet for a while before crying again made me think she was trying to get to sleep alone, but just couldn't do it, which is why I caved in a brought her in with me eventually.

So my next question is, do I just leave her if she is not crying continually? Going in to her and then leaving seems to make her more upset.

Is she having a good stodgy supper before bed? Sometimes low blod sugar can wake you just enough to disturb the sleep. A banana or bit of flapjack with
her milk before cleaning her teeth might help, along with other stuff you are doing.

Also maybe try putting back bedtime till 7.30 just to help ensure she is really tired?

Just 2 ideas, feel free to ignore!

I am bit rusty on this now as my Ds is 15.

I did leave him to cry a bit. He was quite a good sleeper in general though it wasn't so bad. If I was still getting woken in the night after a few months I would have been tearing my hair out. ( I like sleep!)

I may be harsh, but if she isn't crying vigorously, i.e. something is really upsetting her, then yes, just leave her. If you do go in then she is perhaps expecting to be picked up, put in your bed?

hopefully an expert will be able to help you more. am just sharing my pov.

Thanks MissMarples. That could certainly be an issue. I stopped giving her milk before bed as she gulps it down which gives her wind and disturbs her sleep, and I try not to give her a heavy meal in the evening as that also seems to mean she's up with wind early on in the night. The digestive issues were what have always previously put her waking down to, but we seem to have cracked that and come up with a new problem. I will have to try harder to find the right balance between enough/too much food in the evening!

Thanks Yoni - all suggestions are helpful!

Could you try one of those special bottles designed to minimise air in the feed at bedtime? Even if she has a sippy cup during the day ?

Another tip I was given that seemed to work with insomniac DD2 was to give her a scarf/jumper of mine that smelled of my perfume to cuddle, I used to dress her favourite teddy up in it & settle her with it. Then when asleep I used to tuck it into the side of the cot so she could still smell me!

Always a juggling act with kids eh?