Desperate. Should I try cc? How?

[Londonmrss]

Hello, I wonder if anyone can give me some advice. My dd is almost 10 months and is a lovely sunny baby (although INCREDIBLY clingy with me and always has been). She naps fairly well twice a day and goes to bed at 7pm. She slept through until she was 4 months old and it's all pretty much gone to pot since then and I don't think she has slept for longer than 2 or 3 hours since. She now wakes anywhere between 5 and 10 times a night- as far as I can tell, for no reason. She was breastfed but I have recently moved to formula in preparation for going back to work. I usually just give her the dummy back (which she has used since she was newborn but only for sleeping, never when awake). I assume I've created a sleep association and now she wakes out of habit. We often end up co-sleeping which helps her settle for longer, but I don't like doing it.
It's currently even more difficult because she is incredibly clingy and screams when I leave the room anytime and obviously does this when I'm trying to settle her at night. Sometimes she lies there screaming but often she stands up in the cot.

So what do I do? I am willing to try cc, but I don't think I can leave her for 5 minutes. Could I start lighter, say 1 minute?
I can see how this might work when trying to get her down to sleep in the evening, but what about a night waking? Should I leave her to cry a bit then too? My technique has always been to leap out of bed the second I hear any noise because the quicker she goes back to sleep, the quicker I can and otherwise I just lie there awake waiting for the next noise. Looks I can't bear to hear her upset, I just want to cuddle her. But clearly I've bollocksed everything up and now she won't sleep.

If I leave her to cry, won't I make the clinginess worse because she'll think I've abandoned her? God it's so hard. I just don't know if I can do it. But I can't do nothing now, I'm broken.

Oh I feel sorry for you, when my Dd2 was about 9 months she used to wake up around 8 times a night, it was awful.

I got ill at that point (unrelated to the sleep issues) so we had to do controlled crying. It was really hard but it did work. Basically you have to remove all sleep associations like dummies, feeding etc and put them down to sleep awake. Then you have to leave them to go to sleep - which they won't of course, they will scream the place down. So then you go back in eg after a minute and say something like 'sleepy time now' then put them back down. Then the next time leave them for a bit longer eg two minutes. You do that in the middle of the night too.

It is really really hard and I know lots of people don't like it. But it does work - within about three nights she was sleeping through. I had to do it because of my illness and I did feel really bad about it but the reward of sleeping all night was so great. I don't think there have been any ill effects for my Dd but I know some people think there are psychological or long term effects of this.

I think I messed it up. I did it until she settled herself late last night. During each night waking she settled almost immediately when I went in the room until she woke properly crying at 5am. I let her go 1 then 2 then 3 then 4 then 5 minutes and it just escalated each time so I gave up. She just got more and more awake. It seemed like maybe she had just decided that it was time to get up as she sometimes does at 5am. Was I trying to convince her to sleep when she had already had enough sleep? Seems terribly cruel to let her cry in that case. Or in stopping have I just given her the message that if she cries long enough, I'll get up with her? Should I have a 'don't try cc after 5am' rule?
She has been even more clingy than usual this morning and is physically hanging into me. She doesn't even want my husband near her. I feel like I'm traumatising her.

Oh I have sooo been in your shoes. Really is awful

Honestly, to do cc you need to be sure it's the only thing left to do. If it still hurts to hear her cry, don't do it.

Could she be teething? My DD was like this for awhile and then BAM-4 teeth in a row.

If she is being used to being comforted to sleep. Going cold turkey cc is very harsh on her. I ve done something similar but sat with my dd reassuring her in the cot so she didn't feel abandoned. Worked well.

You really need a clear plan and then to stick to it for everyone's benefit. Consistency is key.

Well I'm trying the cc as well, but I hate it... I've started yesterday and I'm just not sure it's the right thing. When I hear him cry it just makes me cry too... Plus I still bfeed him to sleep during the night (he wakes up 3 times) so I wonder if I'm not beeing completely incoherent. And today I was so tired that I co-napped for 2 hours with him. Again, maybe I shouldn't have.
I keep regretting things I have done, I keep asking myself how to deal with this sleep issue. I also have the impression that I'm traumatising him, just like you... My DS is 4 months.
What a shit day really. It IS so hard.

Hi
I have the same problem and I am getting frustrated. She is my 3rd and wakes up so much that I don't think she even goes to deep sleep herself. And I feel exhausted all the day no energy and I feel guilty not looking after the older kids. And it is every single night in the past 10 months. Tried cc and failed as she end up crying then vomiting at the end. Don't know what to do. She do this short sleeps day and night and even when I put her in bed with me she keep kicking and doesn't rest. I don't think it is teething as she had never never been a good sleeper. I did every thing HV suggested with no response.
I feel I want to scream and shout

I recommend Tracy Hogg's pick up/ put down method - explained in her Baby whisperer books.

it worked for us, every time we had to reset bedtime routine (after illness, holiday, stopping bf etc)

(we have 6 kids if that helps! )

There are gentler alternatives to CC, although not as 'quick' like No Cry Sleep Solution or Dy Jay Gordon's night weaning - a little less gentle.

I think the thing about lack of sleep being detrimental to a baby's development is something sleep training 'experts' say to get you to buy their books. Regular waking in babies is normal. Mankind wouldn't have survived and evolved so well if waking up frequently as babies was damaging to our development!

But that's not a helpful comment, I realise. I know how you feel, I'm at my wits end with my 13mo DS and am so tired of sitting in his room feeding him all bloody night in the dark and on my own. Don't know what to do and feel trapped by not knowing what to do.

You're not alone!

cc is still a disaster here... 20 minutes crying for a 30 minute nap. I was so exhausted I napped with him again when he woke up (with me he napped for two more hours). You see, it's so easy to nap with him or to feed him until he falls asleep at night. I know it's not a solution but really it this cc really worth it??? I can see nothing positive. He seems completely panicked as soon as we get into his bedroom, and starts crying even when he's still in my arms. I just have the impression that he's going to have a bedroom phobia because of my stupid cc.

Loklak please stop doing cc, your child is too young! At 4 months they are still feeding every three hours or so even at night.just feed the baby! Don't make them cry for day time naps, napping with them is fine! Please please tell me you will stop. Cc is for babies over 9 months our even a year!

Hmm well yes I stopped. I have been influenced by friends and gp who dramatised a bit about my DS not sleeping through and not falling asleep alone. when I read MN or other stuffs on the internet I realise how normal it is for a 4 months old not to sleep through.

lolak my dd went through a screamy 'scared' stage Round that age, apparent separation anxiety kicks in around that time so although we didn't do cc ( we were cosleeoing anyway) if dd woke in the evening after we gone downstairs she'd wake up screaming and hysterical within the time it'd take me to get back upstairs . This was really frustrating as up til then she would settle herself if she woke up after her bedtime feed

It did improve though, after about a month she just seemed to improve and not wake up scared anymore. We've just moved her into her own room and after a few rough nighrs of frequent waking its starting to go very well, something I really never thought would happen

Great news loklak. Mn is v good for getting a sense of what is normal. I am sure you are a great mum, so trust you instincts. Not sleeping through is tiring to the extreme but it is not down to you to force them to do it! My baby stopped feeding at night at 5.5 months, my sisters at 8 months and many friends babies beyond one year, so really it depends on the baby and the preferred parenting style.

Thanks Twattergy, what I read here in French forums is quite depressing (I am french), as many many people do the cc (of course not everybody, but let's say the majority) I was nearly convinced that it was weird for a 4 months baby not to sleep through and to have no real routine. I don't know if it's me but I have the feeling there is much more pressure about sleep issue here in France, and also about stopping breastfeeding and having a fixed established routine.
I read that now he is supposed to eat 4 or 5 times a day, which I think is a joke really as my DS probably is at 10 or 12!! But you're right I need to follow what I think is good for him and see...
Monstergoose, I noticed that he starts screaming as soon as I'm out of his sight for more that half a second... It might be this separation anxiety too. ( or I've traumatised him with the cc )

I stopped after the first night. I will never try it again even if she never ever sleeps through. She trusts me to come when she cries and I feel I betrayed that trust.

However I have started gently encouraging her to self settle by not immediately going to her at the first snuffle and waiting to see if it escalates. If it becomes a cry, I go to her. I am not intending to criticise anytime who tries cc but it definitely wasn't for me.

lolak your baby is very young. I know it can seem like every other baby sleeps through, but at 4 months I'm afraid it's perfectly normal to wake up a lot! cc is not recommended before 6 months. I feel your pain though. It's really hard.

It's nearly 1am and he's been sleeping since 8pm! Amazing isn't it? I will not try cc again either, it isn't for me and I found it too hard. I don't really understand why my paediatrician encouraged me to try that method, but I might not seek advice from her in the future...
I'm sure we can find some soft and gentle (though not as quick) ways to help our Dcs to sleep! Thank you for your support anyway!
Londonmrss, keep us posted about your DD.