Sleep training fail! Feeling depressed.

[Helsbelscm]

DH has been passing comments about having our room back, baby ready for her own room etc. we have been co-sleeping with DD in a baby bay but she no loungers fits in this so something does have to change. However she wakes about 2 hrly every night & doesn't seem to be able to self settle in the night. I have been feeding her every time but am sure she doesnt need it and can tell some is just comfort sucking.
I therefore decided to do bedtime gradual retreat & reduce the feeds to 4 holy. First night wasn't too bad she cried a bit at 1am but went back to sleep for 2.5 hrs after so I was sure she wasn't hungry. Last night after feeling at 11 I was struggling to settle her back down DH offered to help but she wouldn't settle for him. He then started telling me she needed feeding (had just done it), we then had a big row, I said fine lets give up then and she spent the night in bed with me & DH in the spare room.
I now feel really crappy as was determined to stick with changes but couldn't actually see it through. I also feel knackered as haven't slept well for 2 nights and I really feel I can't start again tonight as I work 3.5 days a week and don't think I can cope on this amount of sleep.
Oh man this is such a long ramble post, sorry....just feeling a bit down about sleep & rows with DH over it all. Also have lots of RL friends/family who think I should just get a bit tougher & do CC or similar but I know I shouldn't as wouldn't be able to see it through.

Should add DD now 7.5 months

In my opinion unless DH does at least 50% of the night feeding and re settling he shouldn't be dictating how and where you do it. As a compromise, it can work well to settle a baby in their own room/ cot in the evening and for the first part of the night and bring them in to bed with you for feeds and cuddles after that, when your DH is firmly asleep. Is he a light sleeper?

Ps I have no clue about sleep training my nearly 2 yo co sleeps and feeds on demand a lot still. My DH is a very heavy sleeper though so doesn't get woken by the night feeding

DH is a very heavy sleeper, so doesn't really wake up for DD, plus he is awful if he doesn't sleep well. I am rubbish on little sleep but he is much worse so I tend to just manage wake ups myself. I think he underestimates how much she does wake up because of this.

I agree if you can't see it through (and I couldn't either!) it's not a good idea to do cc. 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley has lots of gentle ideas. You can get a kindle edition instantly from amazon.

Nothing much worked for us except our baby getting older so I don't have any other suggestions except a warmer room seemed to help a bit too. I doubt that's an issue for you at this time of year!

Could you keep a note of the wake up times for a coupld of days to show your DP how bad it is?

I suggest you focus on your baby, your job and getting sleep whenever you can. Since DP is getting such lovely deep sleeps he should have the energy required for cooking, cleaning, washing...

I second the person who said that whoever is dealing with the night wakings gets to decide sleeping arrangements.

My twins were also waking two hourly at your daughter's age (and offset!). They would sleep well from bedtime at 7.30 ish until midnight ish, then wake two hourly ish after that. We coslept (and still cosleep at age 2 years 9 months) to save my sanity. I also started going to bed with the babies at least three nights per week, to make the most of the long stretch between bedtime and midnight.

Is it possible to fit a single bed or your daughter's bed alongside yours? We have a single next to a kingsize (8' 6" of bed!) to fit two adults and two toddlers an it works quite well.

If I were you, I would decide what would make my life easiest, and then talk to DH about sleeping arrangements and who does night wakings. Hopefully you can reach an agreement :)

Oh, and it does get better, I promise!

I also think some babies sleep train easier and some parents lie about how much 'controlled' crying they do. My feeling has always been that crying is crying and I don't want him to cry. Plus there is some research that said it's not good for them and no research to my knowledge that says it is ok to let them cry. I think the gentler methods will work on some babies but have all been useless for us. I've stopped trying, just feed on demand and go back to sleep. And there's no way I'd survive this without co sleeping

Haha I might point that out to him!

Meant the energy for cooking etc!
Hmmm... Yes will have a rethink on this then another chat to him. Maybe after getting a bit more sleep tonight hopefully so it isn't too tense!

Don't do CIO. Do a slow gradual retreat and great plan about feeding. I have just come out of a month of training and have gone from a bf-er all night to sleeping until 5. I fed 4 hourly for a week, then slowly reduced the duration of feeds by a minute every 2 to 3 nights until stopped. And it was much easier than it sounds. Good luck.
Oh, I did get much less sleep for the first week. We sleep trained when dp was off for the week so we shared it (actually dp did more as we felt she might smell my milk and get frustrated) and we both napped in the days.

Nicknamefail I was reading your post the other day which inspired me! However I think I underestimated how much less sleep I would get while trying to do it. I don't think I can make such a big change and still function in work. Wish I had planned me a longer mat leave!