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Sleep

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13 month old waking and howling - what to do?

4 replies

minitoot · 22/07/2013 22:01

My 13 month old's sleep seems to be getting worse and worse. Any help/ advice would be really appreciated.
He slept through every night from when he was2 months to when he was 7 months. He then started waking and his waking has got worse and worse. This evening I put him to bed as usual, when he seemed tired and wanted milk (he is formula fed and eats 3 good meals a day, he's very active). He fed to sleep, as he usually does, he appeared to be asleep, I put him in the cot and he woke after about 2 seconds and started howling. I tried to soothe him without picking him up but he got more and more upset. I went out for 5 minutes and he howled until he was actually sick. Changed the sheet, held him for a bit and put him back, and he has now gone to sleep after howling for about 8 minutes.
He usually wakes 3 times a night, if he goes to bed at 8.30 the first time will be at 10 ish and he will go back to sleep, the second time at midnight ish and it's harder to get him back to sleep, and the third, about 2 a.m. usually, he just howls and howls until we take him into our bed. If that actually settled him and we could all get some sleep we wouldn't mind so much, but he then wants to sleep literally on top of my head, while pulling my hair out by the roots. He always silences completely the instant I pick him up, so I am sure it isn't anything other than wanting to be held by Mummy.

Other factors: We do a lot of travelling as a family, he has been abroad 4 times so far for periods of up to a month, and we are more inclined to co-sleep if necessary when we're abroad because we expect that being in a different cot, room, etc. is unsettling for him. So that messes up the routine. He also seems to be gong through a separation anxiety phase. He is happy to go to his granny's every afternoon, and when we go to stay and plays he is happy to run off and explore without me, but when he and I are actually in the house together he is incredibly clingy. Like I can't walk five paces away from him without him running after me in tears, and heaven help me if I go to the toilet.

What would you do in this situation? Is it better to keep on with the sleep training or will it make his separation anxiety worse? I don't want to give him a complex about being abandoned etc. but I honestly think he gets loads of time with both me and his dad in the day - more than many children his age because we both work from home. It seems to me that he really is just screaming because of a toddler-y desire to have the power to get Mummy to pick him up, rather than because there is anything really wrong. It's angry screaming iyswim.

OP posts:
minitoot · 22/07/2013 22:12

Apparently when he has a nap at his granny's house he wakes up without crying. This makes me think that he may have worked out that he won't get picked up by Mummy when he's there, hence no need to scream, hence maybe he screams when he's at home because he knows that Mummy will pick him up (and take him into her bed and let him trample her face to mush :-( )

OP posts:
thezoobmeister · 22/07/2013 22:22

Have you read The Wonder Weeks? It explains how babies and toddlers go through fussy phases just before they do major developmental leaps, and during the fussy periods everything gets harder - no sleep, clinging to mummy, general bad mood etc. Apparently there is supposed to be a fussy phase starting after 59 weeks, could this be it?

My DD (nearly 12 mo) has been through several of these, misery and no sleep all round, but she always comes out the other side all sweetness and light! Personally I think just go with it for the time being - he probably just needs extra cuddles and reassurance for now, things will probably return to normal soon.

About the book:
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/9079208043/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1374527947&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY190

minitoot · 22/07/2013 22:25

Thanks, Zoob - would you suggest taking him into bed then? Trouble is we still don't get any sleep...

OP posts:
thezoobmeister · 24/07/2013 03:59

Personally I would, yeah, but sounds like neither option is ideal in terms of your sleep? Which is least painful do you think?

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