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Original poster

Gradual retreat - terrible first night :(

15 replies

Babybeesmama · 19/07/2013 12:50

Hey, started gradual retreat with my 10 month old DS last night - I was sat in his room for 2.5 hours Confused it was soul destroying.

The reason we are trying it is because for the last few weeks he only wants to sleep in my arms. I wouldn't mind rocking him to sleep but it takes ages & then he continually wakes after I've left.

He didn't cry for full time last night & kept nodding off but then waking himself up. As soon as I pick him up he falls asleep Instantly in my arms.

Any advice? Am I doing the right thing? I offer constant reassurance verbally and put hand on him.

He has a good bedtime routine & mostly sleeps through post dream feed.

Any advice welcome. Thank you in advance x

OP posts:
Original poster
Babybeesmama · 19/07/2013 12:51

Ps I understand its the first time we've tried it I just didn't expect him to get so upset when I'm still in room with him :(

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Hidingmysmile · 19/07/2013 18:18

Hello, I am about to embark on the same journey and dreading it. I have co slept off and on since birth and my DD2 is now 10 months. DH is fed up of me sleeping is different room and I am ready for someone else to be able to put her to bed; currently she only goes off being breastfed and feeds through the night. Part of the problem is that she has never taken a bottle so I've never had the option of someone else feeding her and she's never taken to a dummy or thumb sucking or a favoured teddy to self soothe so she has always had me. I suppose it's my own fault but when it's DD2 it's harder to stay strong and not give the breast as you're so tired from being mummy to two! I have no idea how we got to this point. I used to do the EASY routine and never feed before sleep but somehow we've gone from feeding when she wakes to feeding to sleep. Argh!!! I really really do not want to do controlled crying...

lougle · 19/07/2013 18:29

Perhaps you're not gradual enough?

You have two choices:

  1. Accept that he's going to cry and get on with it.

or

(our preferred choice)

  1. Make the withdrawal more gradual.

What we did, was a very gradual withdrawal starting with cuddling to sleep bent over the cot, so that the baby was on the mattress, but also cuddled. From there, we gradually went to hands around her, then hand on her, then holding hands through the bars, then one finger, then sitting right next to the bars, then slightly away, then further away, etc.

Original poster
Babybeesmama · 19/07/2013 19:18

Thanks for the replies. Hiding at least know you're not alone in this!

I'm on night two - sat next to cot currently with a g&t for courage. He's in cot & not screaming so progress so far......

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throckenholt · 19/07/2013 19:24

It took about a week for my DS - after a few days I graduated to sitting outside the door in the hallway and saying go to sleep every time he started yelling. I didn't touch him, just sat in sight at first, and then just out of the room.

It was totally draining - but it did work, and it was worth it for all of us.

I am guessing the heat isn't helping either of you at the moment though.

throckenholt · 19/07/2013 19:26

By the way - the time did get shorter over that time - honest :)

Original poster
Babybeesmama · 19/07/2013 20:22

He's asleep after 1 hours worth of singing. No crying from him Smile. Def sticking with it! X

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Nicknamefail · 19/07/2013 23:09

Let me bring hope!
I am on day 10 of a slow (month long) gradual retreat programme. Before I started I breastfed my 9 month old to sleep (always) and at each wake up, maybe 5 times each night.
She has only woken up once for the last 3 nights and has resettled with a quick stroke. Bedtimes are still taking 40 mins of me sitting next to the cot, but most if that is her crawling around the cot, maybe 10 mins total crying.
Another plus, my dp can put her to bed for the first time ever!!!!
I AM NOT SAYING THIS TO GLOAT, JUST TO SHOW THAT TOUR TIME WILL IMPROVE SOON!!!!!

Good luck, come back and post tomorrow.

Original poster
Babybeesmama · 20/07/2013 09:02

Thanks nickname! Any positive stories are motivating! We dream fed him at 1130 and he took 30 mins of settling (think because dh and not me as he usually settles fine after df), we let him into bed with us at 530 and he went till 7. We are doing naps in pram at mo to make things easier as I have dd 3 years and not fair on her if I'm upstairs hours trying to get him to sleep! Will tackle them in a few weeks x

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RoooneyMara · 20/07/2013 09:05

Is he teething at the moment? You might be best to wait till he isn't in discomfort or pain.

Nicknamefail · 20/07/2013 09:48

Well done babybees, sounds much better. We are not tackling naps yet either, getting the big sleep sorted first!

forevergreek · 20/07/2013 09:56

Try gradual decrease closeness also by touch.

If he is used to be held/ rocked to sleep and now just in cot, it's a big jump still.

I would try in cot, with comforter smelling of you ( put down your top beforehand), and place you hand on their front/ back so they still feel your presence. Once he is used to falling asleep in cot like this, then gradually move hand away further ie just on his hand, on mattress, then finally you just sitting next to him. Once you are at this stage then you can work on getting to sitting outside door with it ajar.

I would say a couple of days to do each step until sitting next to him. Then hopefully the same to getting out door

Original poster
Babybeesmama · 20/07/2013 19:50

He seems to be permanently teething Rooney :( got 8 teeth at just 10 months! Think he's getting the next lot but think starting nursery 3 weeks a go has promoted the natural clinginess.

Night 3 has gone very well and I'm surprised as we are staying away from home! I just stuck to exactly same routine, milk on bed & story then into cot. He didn't cry at all, he sat up about 50 times & I just laid him down saying its sleepy time & he was fine. Taken 30 mins - great improvement. GrinGrin Thanks everyone!

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Whenwillwestopmoving · 20/07/2013 20:00

I'm in the midst of gradual retreat too, dd is just 6 months and I hadn't planned on sleep training so young (had been feeding to sleep) but she started nursery and needs to be able to go to sleep there! I'm just at the 'sitting outside the door ajar' phase. It's tough at times and I'm going v gently.

A tip - I've found that putting on white noise briefly when she cries helps, seemingly it reduces the stress hormones that crying can cause to elevate. Obviously our presence does a similar job, but I find the white noise really helps. Just ensure it is either turned off before they fall asleep, or leave it on for the whole sleep.

Original poster
Babybeesmama · 21/07/2013 22:07

Thanks for the tip whenwill! Tonight went well. No tears & about 20 mins of shuffling about getting comfy in cot. I think we will take it super slow too, don't want to upset the little man, he's a very very tactile loving little boy, gives loads of kisses & cuddles, so I think it's his nature. He will grow up too quick so am enjoying the snuggles x

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