Why oh why?

[k2togm1]

Ds is 2.4 and I've posted several times about his absolute crap sleep. We've now kind of accepted that this is what he does, but I would really like to know there are others like him, and whether others found the cause.

We bed share on two mattresses together on the floor and still bf when he wakes during the night, without these two things there isn't enough sleep for anyone. The issue is that often, without apparent reason, he cannot go back to sleep, and we end up downstairs, playing, cooking, reading, watching trains on tv, etc, for a min of 4 hours. He's done this since about 6mo, and we've tried almost everything, but he cannot and will not stay in the bedroom.
My dgm says my uncle was like that but changed at 2 years, so I was hopefull... But nope

Why does he wake? It's not hunger, noise, light, darkness, thirst, tiredness, not enough tiredness, routine, no routine, day of the week...

I would really love to sleep

Try being boring at night time when he wakes? He's getting a lot of attention currently. It'll be hard but can be done.

Have you posted about this before? The watching trains on tv sounds familiar. Like pp poster said, you need to make it really boring when he wakes up in the night, and be consistent about this no matter how hard it is. That means it stays dark, you don't go downstairs and play, read, watch tv, etc. Also if it was me I'd put him in his own room now as I'd think you could be waking each other up when turning over, snoring and the like. But obviously that's your call. Sorry if this is a patronising thing to say but at 2.4 he doesn't need a feed in the night (ie. his tummy is large enough that he can last without needing to eat or drink for 8 hours) so my thoughts would be to work on getting rid of that feed, as I think it would contribute to more restful nights. The waking for feeding and not going back to sleep will be a routine/ pattern for him now, I'd tackle breaking that if it were me.

Thanks for your replies. We are in the process of moving and he will have his own room in the new house, but for now there is no alternative.
As for staying in the room, we've tried that so many times! He gets into such a state, he's consistently broken both our wills!
As for feeding during the night, yes, quite, it's time to quit! But only it's so easy most of time...

So there is no other toddler like him?

So out new neighbours are going to love us, crying coming this way...

You could try getting up with him but be boring in there too. No lights on. just snuggling. I had to do this with my dd. I also co slept. It will take time. He's got into a bad habit now and he knows he eventually gets what he wants so it will take time. Do you take it in turns so you can get some sleep? What we did was pick a week or so that didn't have anything else pressing and kept putting dd back into bed. Hard going but does work eventually. Does he still have day time naps? We cut these out to increase night sleeping. God I remember how shattered I was. I feel for you OP.

Rummycub thank you thank you for making me feel a little less alone.
I know we'll have to break this habit, it always throws me that it goes away for a while, and we relax and then bam!
He doesn't nap anymore, if he did he would be awake all night, then sleep all am and so on.
So how long did it take for your dd's nights to become 'normal'?

RummyKub, sorry!

It probably took a week of consistent effort. Both of us doing the same thing. Once we'd made some progress there were blips when dd would wake. Actually to the point of screaming and making herself sick! It was awful. If you have to get up, which right now sounds like you do, then keep lights dim, nothing exciting like trains or cooking, calm low voice, try to reduce those 4 hours.

Even correcting myself I got it wrong!
Gosh that sound awful, poor you, I'm not sure we are strong enough, I keep hoping he'll just grow out of it!

Don't worry, I answer to most things! Once dd realised there was very little pay off it did more or less stop. Just do it little by little. I used to watch super nanny but couldn't bring myself to leave dd crying. You can do it, just choose when you want to make a concerted effort. Thankfully my second child was a much easier baby and slept well.