Please help with 3 yo

[ZolaBuddleia]

Yes, it's the middle of the night and I'm awake AGAIN. I'm so fucking pissed off and angry with DD, I've come downstairs to get away from her.

She sleeps right through once in a blue moon, and DP and I are so fed up with interrupted sleep. She calls out that she needs her nose wiping, or she needs Mummy/Daddy, or that she's lost a toy etc etc. Debating going hardcore and sleeping with earplugs every night and just ignoring her, but obviously I want her to feel if she really needs us (nightmare etc) that we are there for her.

I wouldn't have had a child if I'd have known that at very nearly 3 we still wouldn't sleep, it seems never ending and I hate it.

Please help, she's really well behaved (although headstrong and demanding) during the day. I don't know how to drill it into her that this isn't acceptable.

She goes to bed at 7.15 with no problems, wakes about 6.15 for the day.

You sound as if you're at the end of your tether here and it's not surprising since sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! Given the age of your DD I think the time has come to go "hard core". During the day, prepare her for what will happen. Explain that Mummy and Daddy are fed up of having to get up to her several times every night. Remind her that you get tired too and that she's a big girl who doesn't really need your attention in the night. Then explain to her what you're going to do, starting that night. For example, if it were me, I'd say that I was only going to come to her once to make sure she isn't ill etc, then I'd remind her that it is sleeping time and leave. You might choose to return after a certain period of time elapses (say 5 minutes) and reiterate "time for sleep" etc. Whichever you chose, the trick is to stick with it. You'll have to grit your teeth, you may well feel like crying yourself, but remember, a good night's sleep will be good for her as well as being something you desperately need. And although it may take a while, she will eventually learn. My DD was very anxious and clingy at night and for a long while I gave into this which meant disturbed nights all round. Eventually though, I realised I was only making her problem worse and I did exactly as I've described. It took a few nights (and some tears on both sides) but we turned the situation around. Sleeping through the night made her happier as well as making me a less tetchy tired mum. Hope this helps.

Yes, end of tether is right!

I know we're lucky that she doesn't come into our room, or even get out of bed, but being jolted awake by yelling is really getting to both of us.

How do you get from the 'going in once' bit, to her not shouting at all? We only ever really go in once, but it can be on more than one occasion each night, IYSWIM, a few hours apart. Also, going in for a few seconds can mean I'm then awake for an hour.

Thanks for your advice, will definitely start prepping her for tonight. My ear plugs will be on standby.

Oh man, she sounds exactly like our DD. Who just turned 4, gah- sorry

We have done so many variations that all mean staying with DD for ages in the night, I wonder if it's time we got tough too. She only moved into her own room for the whole night in Jan (aged 3.8) and for first little while didn't disturb us most nights. Then was ill, then it crept back up to being more nights than not and some weeks every night.

But I have always had the same feelings about not wanting a frightened little person alone in the dark if she's had a bad dream. It just takes so long for her to get back to sleep some nights! This week I got her a proper single bed so there's room for me to lie with her rather than kneeling on the floor with a hand on her back.

Anyhow - sorry for rambling - do let us know how the next week goes trying to change habits and very good luck. We've got a holiday coming then maybe I could try doing it too (can't think of anything else to do) but DD starts school in Sept so I still hold out hope that that will tire her enough to stop the waking.

Had some improvements by saying about 10 times a day that mummy and daddy are not getting up in the night. Have done lots of outdoor stuff to totally exhaust her then we can praise her for not waking.

She doesn't want to be in our bed and has been in her own room from 6 weeks, it's only the yelling we want to stop.

4??!! My sympathies.

Our DC3 was a terrible sleeper but has really turned a corner in the last 6 months (now 3 1/2). Things that actually helped:

• a 'book' (ie just paper printed out) we made with pictures of him in sleeping, which basically says 'DS is a big boy, DS can sleep all nighht, DS goes to bed, DS goes to sleep, if DS wakes up he cuddles his teddy, he doesnt yell or wake us, in the morning DS wakes up and is very happy and the sleep fairy is happy' etc with a picture of him on each page.

• the sleep fairy. Basically a reward everytime he slept through. We used to do smarties, but then changed to being allowed to watch one episode of a tv programme over breakfast. I think it worked better than a sticker chart as he always got a reward, rather than building up to a reward over several nights. (the only problem with the smarties was that the other DC wanted them too...)

• cutting back on all the stuff he took to bed. At one stage it had crept up to 3 mussies and 2 teddies!!, and i was always being asked to come and find the right mussie label.

• lots of praise everytime he did sleep through.

Hope some of these work for you!

Oh, and the other thing was to try to cut back the interaction, so to work on not going in but just talking from the doorway. I always failed at this though...