Carrots and sticks don't work. Please help me get 4yr old to stay in her own bed.

[notwoo]

situation is getting ridiculous. 4 yr old dd had never been a good sleeper and hasn't spent a full night alone in her bed for months.
She will usually go to sleep reasonably after a story and a cuddle but then trots into our room any time from 10pm wanting to come in our bed.
Tbh we have let her as have just wanted to do anything to maximise sleep but it's getting untenable.
She often comes in before we've gone to sleep ourselves, sometimes wants a chat or just fidgits around.
She's also recently stopped wearing pull ups at night so don't want any accidents in our bed.
Sometimes one of us will take her back and stay with her which is obviously less than ideal. We try sneaking back but she soon wakes again and returns!
We've tried reward charts but there's nothing she wants more than to come in our bed.
We've tried punishments (no tv, taking toys away, not going to a friends house, not wearing favourite clothes, no treats) but she'll put up with anything if it means she gets a cuddle in the night.

I know the answer is to keep taking her back and put up with crying etc but I know this will take a long long time and involve epic resistance and a lot of screaming and I have younger ds (plus neighbours) to consider. Plus the thought of having to repeat the process after any illness or holiday seems horrific.

Any ideas or experiences gratefully received.

I was just about to write a similar thread about my non sleeping 3 1/2 year old as I can't function with no sleep. We're all so tired that it is affecting the whole family.
Glad you are having some success notwoo- hope it continues for you.

Just a little update: still going pretty well. She still needs resettling (a cuddle and tucking in) at some point during the night but as she can't go all night without a wee that would be the case anyway.
She's woken up in her own bed at a reasonable time every morning since we started which is a big improvement.

Puffin-I'd say take the plunge and tackle it head on-be prepared for a lot of crying at first but the way I got through it was to think that a few nights of crying probably wouldn't add up to how she was crying in a week in the day because she was tired. Hope you can sort it.

Elfy-I did spot that rescue remedy now comes in gummy stars but dismissed them (partly down to sugar content partly down to user name .