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Original poster

8month old has never slept through.

72 replies

lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 13:07

my son has never slept through, he doesnt know how to get himself back to sleep without being breastfed or bottle.most nights he ends up in the bed with me as he wakes about 5 times a night. i really want to do the pick up put down method but dont really feel confident that its not really traumatising my son as he just screams for hours when i try the method and seems really destressed. has anyone got any tips i=on doing the pick up put down method? any sucess stories?

OP posts:
Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 13:13

my son has never slept through, he doesnt know how to get himself back to sleep without being breastfed or bottle.most nights he ends up in the bed with me as he wakes about 5 times a night. i really want to do the pick up put down method but dont really feel confident that its not really traumatising my son as he just screams for hours when i try the method and seems really destressed. has anyone got any tips i=on doing the pick up put down method? any sucess stories?

OP posts:
Lio · 23/05/2006 13:29

We did contorlled crying just before 12 months. Worth it although completely sympathise with you wondering if you are ruining him.

hermykne · 23/05/2006 13:31

lorna, the pupd methods will work and you wont traumatise him, oyu dont leave them crying for ages, start slowly by lifting soothing and resettle, allow maybe 2mins before oyu have to loft again but gradually increase that 2mins to 3/4/5/8/9/10 say. its a long process but it does work.
how is his daytime sleep/naps, when does he go to bed and when is his last nap in the day?

PiccadillyCircus · 23/05/2006 13:33

I have an 8 month old DD who has slept through 5 times (and four of those were at Christmas).

I am very tired.

Witchycat · 23/05/2006 13:37

My dd was the same until about 8-9 months when I decided (working full time) I just had to get some sleep at night so I stopped breastfeedng her at night.

We did a sort of PUPD where we started off picking up, rocking, singing her back to sleep and gradually reduced the amount of attention. eg. picking up but no voice contact then just patting her back to sleep then just letting her cry a short while and not going in at all. I never found I could just PUPD if she wasn't settled. Had to do whatever it took bar feeding to get her back to sleep then she'd often wake again but it got less and less.

I have to say it worked in a few days for us. She would cry to begin with but not a distressed cry and so it wasn't too hard to leave her for a few minutes. She then worked out there was nothing worth waking up for and now sleeps through 12 hours.

good luck.

CarolinaMoose · 23/05/2006 13:38

Lorna, my ds was the same. His sleeping improved massively once he started walking - he just wasn't tiring himself out enough physically before then, and he won't just switch off and go to sleep if he's mentally tired iyswim.

He didn't actually sleep through until I stopped bfing at night (cold turkey, with ds on hand to cuddle him - we all co-sleep).

I couldn't get pupd to work with ds - he wouldn't be soothed at all and would just get more and more frenzied.

Witchycat · 23/05/2006 13:39

Agree with Carolinemoose that sometimes PUPD doesn't work if you do it yourself as they can smell the breastmilk. I sent dp in for first few times.

PiccadillyCircus · 23/05/2006 13:42

I think I need to stop breastfeeding at night.

Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 14:37

its so good to hear that other people have had the same problem and overcome it. he goes to sleep at about 8 and he prob wakes about 5 times during the night then wakes at 8ish for the day. he has about 2 to 3 hours of sleep during the day whether its loads of cat naps or 2 1.30hour naps. ive tried so many times to do the pupd method im so determined that itll work if i do it properly. my partner isnt very supportive in doing the method, hes convinced its psycalogically damaging and that it wont work. the hardest thing is when we put him down he just stands up again...do we pick him up then or do we leave him standing? when hes in the cot do i pat his back and settle him or do i just leave him to it? do i put him down as soon as he stops crying? do i pick him up as soon as he starts? how long should it take? should i do it or my partner? how can i prove to my parnter that it wont harm him?i need to get him on side other wise its never going to work.

OP posts:
pooka · 23/05/2006 14:53

With dd she didn't sleep through at all for ages. What we did was that I stopped breast feeding her at night when she was about 6 months old (weaning advice was solids at 4 months then) and from then on dh did the nights. He would go in and try and settle her, with water in a magic cup or with a dummy. And eventually she started to sleep through consistently at 10 months old.
With ds (now 8months) he sleeps from 7.30pm until 5am and I stopped feeding him at night at 7 months (feed him at 5am because he then dozes in our bed afterwards).
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I would have found it difficult doing the nights with no feeds if dh hadn't stepped in, and in the end I think some babies just take longer to sleep through.

FrayedKnot · 23/05/2006 15:04

My DS didn;t sleep through until I stopped BF him at night at 13 months. By sleeping through I mean 7-6.30ish.

PUPD didn;t work for us at all. When I stopped feeding DS at night, if he woke and cried, I would go in and quietly pat & shush, tell him gently it was still sleepy time, and he needed to go back to sleep. This seemed to work, but if I picked him up (without offering any milk!) he would get really cross and scream.

HTH

Tatties · 23/05/2006 15:14

My ds is nearly 14mths and has never slept through! I don't want to give up bf and I know cc or pu/pd would be too distressing for all of us, so our solution has been to co-sleep for part of the night. I also don't want to push ds into doing something he is not ready for. I bf ds to sleep then he goes in his cot. Any subsequent wakings during the evening require a quick bf or head stroking, then he comes into our bed some time between 11pm and 3am. He may well bf during the night but TBH I don't notice if he does, and so as far as I am concerned I am getting a decent sleep! In the beginning it is strange having another little person in your bed but you do get used to it.

Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 15:30

tatties my situation is simular to yours, my ds also ends up in the bed with me and i sleep while feeding and dont really wake up just latch him on my breast half asleep and untill now its worked fine.Its come to the point now that hes not hungry at night as he is 8months old now and doesnt need to feed at night anymore, so hes waking up not hungry and trying to feed himself back to sleep but hes not hungry enough. I feel like im force feeding him back to sleep which is wrong he should be able to get himself back to sleep. I feel so sorry for him when i see him so tired desperately wanting to sleep and he just doesnt know how to do it himself. i really want him to learn that skill. So i think pupd method ist the answer just need to know exactly how to do it.

OP posts:
wrinklytum · 23/05/2006 15:35

Dear lorna you have my sympathy,my ds now 2.5 is and always has been a great sleeper however dd aged 6 months is a little horror.I have breastfed her for longer and put it down to this.She just catnaps during the day and I have to bf her to sleep as she will not entertain the idea of a bottle.I have tried the put down method to no avail.She has exactly the same bath etc routine as her bro did.I am at my wits end too.If you come across a solution ill be glad to hear it!!Im sure pupd will not damage your baby at all,though it is very exhausting listening to the cries,though being up most of the night feeding must be just as tiring.Tell your dh that if he was bf he would want to try pupd after feeding for eight months.Men,they have no idea how tiring it is!!My dp came in the other day and had to go for a nap because he was "so exhausted" from work.I stood there trying to play cars with the toddler,cook tea and entertain baby simultaneously and laughed otherwise i would have cried.He NEVER gets up during the night.TYPICAL.anyway good luck,persevere with pupd i am going to try again as it sounds to have worked for others and the best of british to you

Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 15:39

I dont think pupd or cc is pushing ds into doing something hes not ready for i think its teaching him to soothe himself back to sleep. I also dont want to stop bf im just going to breastfeed him during to day instead so he'll be getting a good long nights sleep with no interuption and still be getting all the goodness from my breastmilk during the day. I just think hes not going to suddenly change and sleep through when all hes known since birth is breasfeeding himself to sleep at night, and unless i change something he'll carry on night waking till hes 2 or 3 and i really dont want that.

OP posts:
wrinklytum · 23/05/2006 15:46

sorry meant to say that with pupd you gradually have to leave them for a little longger each time ie initially 2 mins then 4 etc etc.I did it for well over an hour i mean going in and out not leaving her an hour to no avail then felt so awful i gave in and bf her.I know i need to be tougher really but by 9pm and chasing after a toddler and baby all day my resistance is pretty low.At least dd only wkes 1-2 times for bf at night you poor thing getting up 5 times you must be shattered.I think we need Dr Tanya Byron !!!

Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 15:47

wrinklytum...my dp is always "exhausted" and having naps and nice relaxing baths..and is too "tired" to help round the house or in the garden. its so frustrating trying to explain to him that being a mum is just as exhausting as going out to work only our day of work doesnt end at 5!! i think it will be an on going argument that will never be solved..unfortunatly.
You should try pupd too im going to try it out tonight using some of the advise posted today and i will report back tomorrow. I think the key to success in the pupd is not to give up and to have support from dp so when he gets back from work im going to make him read all the messages posted and see if he still disagrees with it. fingers crossed

OP posts:
Tatties · 23/05/2006 15:50

Lorna, I'm sure you're not force feeding him Smile If he doesn't want the milk he won't take it, but he may just want to suck for comfort even if he is not hungry. Nothing wrong with that. It is very rare for my ds to turn down the offer of a bf!

Tatties · 23/05/2006 15:52

Good luck Lorna, whatever you do, you definitely need your dp's support.

ladyoracle · 23/05/2006 15:55

Lorna, I also think the first step is to stop the feeding, but keep the cuddling, and once you have eliminated the night feeds, the pupd will seem easier because you're only stopping the cuddling not the whole cosy breastfeeding thing IYSWIM?

What happened with dd2 was that as soon as I had phased out the night feeds, she seemed to wake far less anyway, so I only needed to get her back to sleep a couple of times instead of having to deal with 3 hourly waking

ps \link{http://www.whatreallyworks.co.uk/start/bookreviews.asp?article_ID=856\this book is really helpful} No routines, just really simple commonsense advice.

melrose · 23/05/2006 15:57

I started waiting a while before going into him, often after 10 mins of crying he would go back to sleep. Felt v cruel but worked. I found if I went in he expected milk and pupd just made him more stressed

Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 16:20

I know its not really force feeding and no he doesnt turn down breast and yes it is comfort sucking...what happens is he feeds then sqirms because hes full or he feeds then it all comes up because hes too full. I dont mind him comfort sucking and i dont mind him sleeping in with me...sometimes i quite like it but he wakes far too much for his age he needs longer stretches of sleep now and id like to be able to go out and leave him with people without him wanting to comfort suck every few hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
lorna3586 · 23/05/2006 16:22

your right if he doesnt want the milk he wont take it but then im just left with a tired baby thats full and cant feed himself to sleep so i end up taking him for a drive or somthing to get him back to sleep its just ridiculous now.

OP posts:
Tatties · 23/05/2006 16:34

I know it's tough isn't it, but he will get it eventually. Hope things improve for you soon.

hermykne · 23/05/2006 16:34

lorna what time is his last nap usually?
if its after 3pm when he wakes i would try having him awake from then til his bed at 8, thats 5 hrs up, so he should be tired. u mgiht have a cranky boy for a while!

with my ds (at 7mths)i did the pick up initially but used the sssshhhhhhhh sound vehemently,and stopped the pick up, just patted, it worked after 3/4 nights.

and hes a very happy 22mths old - ref for your dp!!!
bed at 8 sleeps til 8. very seldom is there any stirring.