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Original poster

do you check your toddlers breathing in the night?

60 replies

faeriemum · 13/05/2006 08:38

i check my ds (now 25months) about 3-4 times a night to see if his breathing is normal....i know this might seem abit strange especially now he is 2, but i have a fear of cot death...
it did phase off when he turned 12months...but then heard about a number of cot deaths up to the age of 3yrs old....and from then on the checking him increased...
...i wake up in the morning still tired after getting up....but feel complete guilt if one night i dont wake up at all.....
his baby monitor is always on...and one night the connection must have come loose because i woke up and it was off..i thought oh shit and ran to check him.
i never wake him up..i just watch his breathing......
ok, im sounding mad now..but does anyone else have a fear of cot death at this later age?

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 13/05/2006 12:41

faeriemum, are you actually waking yourself up to check or do you do this before you go to sleep?

I check mine once before I go to bed just to check their covers are on - as dd is asthmatic, if she's having a bad day, I might check once more just to make sure her breathing is ok.

I wouldn't disturb my sleep to check them though.

Personally, I think if you have his monitor on and you are checking him 3 or 4 times additionally and you are waking up knackered, then you need to rethink what you're doing.

Twiglett · 13/05/2006 12:44

I think you're all totally barking mad .. especially those who lose sleep over it

am shocked tbh .. I check on DD (who is 2) IF she's been poorly and that's it ..

foxinsocks · 13/05/2006 12:46

I think if it is borne out of a fear for cotdeath then you should speak to the GP/HV about the risks at his age because I'm sure it is not as bad as you think.

LoveMyGirls · 13/05/2006 12:57

i check, im really scared about cot death i have a 7mth old and a 6 (almost 7yr old) we have a breathing monitor thing and i do find it very helpful we also have a camara so i can see if d2 has rolled onto her front or is stuck (foot in bars)

PinkTulips · 13/05/2006 12:58

i check dd 15 months when i go to bed and maybe one other time a night, i always get nervous when shes been quiet for too long. i think alot of it is because we co-slept til she was 1 so i'm used to being able to keep a much closer eye on her.

lucky thing i do though as last week i went in to check her on my way to bed and she was lying there wide awake burning up with a 40degree fever, and she hadn't made a squeek! i've become even more obsessive since that.

Seona1973 · 13/05/2006 13:50

I used to open dd's door and check on dd when I went up to bed - now we just leave her door shut (she's 2 1/2). I dont even think about cot death now. According to the SIDS website it is rare for cot death to occur after 1 year.

What is the usual age for cot death?

Cot death is uncommon in babies less than a month old, but rises to a peak during the second month. The risk then diminishes as the baby grows older. Nearly 90% of cot deaths have occurred by six months, and very few occur after a year.

PiccadillyCircus · 13/05/2006 13:57

I don't check on DS (29 months) in the night.

DD is 7 months and as she wakes at least once a night then I check on her, but if she didn't then I wouldn't.

lastrolo · 13/05/2006 14:37

i still check my dd every night and she is 5 and half and do the same when dsd stays with us too and she is 8 and half

Original poster
faeriemum · 13/05/2006 15:38

thanks for all the feedback.....its reasurring to know that im not the only one checking a couple of times in the night...
i dont wake myself up to check..but if i stir and i get it in my head that i should check him then i will make myself get up to look.
im just off to look for the monitor HUB2DEE suggested...it will keep me in bed and i can keep it for the next baby....as the first 3 months with my ds was a constant getting up routine!
thankyou everyone...
and those of you who don't check ....i personally think it takes just a second to do...i'd rather be safe then sorry. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
faeriemum · 13/05/2006 15:39

ps; i stayed at my mums home one weekend...she didnt have a monitor....i didnt check him til i thought he was a sleep...i went upstairs to find him tied up in his blanket, roasting hot with blood spots all over his face were he'd been hyperventalating (sp)......so i dont think i am barking mad for checking in the night.

OP posts:
Nbg · 13/05/2006 15:45

I never check dd and tbh I think if I did it would kill me. Either from the constant worry or lack of sleep!

When I go up to bed either dh or I will tuck her in as she likes to throw the covers about but I have never ever checked her breathing.

But having said all that, if it worries you then you won't stop doing it.

Just one thing though,
will you ever stop checking? Grin

hub2dee · 13/05/2006 16:09

I'm not a worrier, but when dd was asleep in her crib, a momentary glance would reveal a little green flash from the monitor, and there'd be no need to wait / listen / prod etc. Now she is in her own room, I only need stick my head in the room as I go to bed, and again the green flash within a few seconds (as well as her loud breathing of course) reveals all is well.

If something like that sounds like it would help you, I'd get it; if that kind of thing sounds like it's not your cup of tea I'd forget it ! The Babysense II is better than the Angelcare for reliability and lack of false alarms IMHO though it does not have the 'baby monitoring' (listen-in) feature the Angelcare has.

One of the nicest things about using this sort of monitor is knowing that if anything untoward did happen, we'd know about it within 20 seconds rather than waking up to a tragedy. Statistically, the cost / utility does not 'add up' IYSWIM: we're non-smokers, don't drink, don't co-sleep, drug abuse, we bought a new mattress etc. etc. etc. but still it's something I'm glad we bought.

HTH, fm. Smile

Twiglett · 13/05/2006 18:41

still think you're barking mad

also don't think you should count the age of a kid of 2 in months ..

but that's me .. Smile .. different strokes for different folks

foxinsocks · 13/05/2006 18:54

but faeriemum, you say you wake up still tired after getting up - I'm not surprised!

I really think you should have a chat with your GP/HV about your cot death worries because you will make yourself ill with worry if you get up 3 or 4 times a night every night.

Also, when will you stop checking? There has to come a time and you have to try and sort out your emotions so that you won't feel guilty.

Original poster
faeriemum · 13/05/2006 19:37

well twiglet each to their own....i'll remember to insult your sanity on one of your future threads

OP posts:
Original poster
faeriemum · 13/05/2006 19:45

also i believe that knowing the exact months of a 2yr old is important...as the knowledge and ability of a 24month old is different to a 30month old.
woof woof

OP posts:
WWWontSlagOffAnyone · 13/05/2006 19:49

Gosh, it hasn't occurred to me to check on either of them, ever, unless they're ill. Once they're in bed that's it. I'm surprised so many people do tbh.

sparklemagic · 13/05/2006 20:15

hmm, I think my motivation is just to stare adoringly at DS and think how utterly handsome and gorgeous he is...I go in to 'check' just before I go to bed. I don't go in in the night, if I wake I'm just too concerned to check the time and see how much longer I'm likely to get to sleep before he's up!

Fairie, maybe you could aim to reduce the amount of times you check - before you go to bed and say, just once in the night? You can rest assured this is more than most do, and also that as others have said here, the risk of cot death now is so miniscule that other risks outweigh it - by this I mean he or you are perhaps more likely to have an accident in the house or car as a result of your tiredness, than to experience cot death.

You're looking after him better if you get yourself a good night's sleep in my view, so relax!

snowleopard · 13/05/2006 20:36

Oh arse - I was looking forward to DS reaching 12 months so I could stop worrying. Can it really happen up to age 3? Does anyone know if cot death over 1 can happen to any baby or have they been shown to only happen in special cases (eg if baby has an ongoing condition, is very hot or subjected to smoke etc?)

I don't wake up to check but i do check several times through the evening and I listen to the monitor. I had resisted getting a movement sensor because I thought I would just get even more obsessive. But I might yet get one...

Thiswomanswork · 13/05/2006 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hub2dee · 13/05/2006 21:00

Oh, I have no doubt that having the monitor will make no difference to whether a particular child will stop breathing, but the point is they can alert you to the cessation of breathing so that you can react quickly if needed.

Strictly speaking, from a 'hard nosed' scientific objective, anyone's chance of ever 'benefiting' from a monitor alerting them to a baby who has stopped breathing is very very very slim indeed... however, for some, the benefit of having / using one has a certain value.

blueshoes · 13/05/2006 21:52

I co-sleep. Never check. Wish dd woke me up less often. I don't believe the risks at this age are significant. I am sorry to say but it sounds a bit compulsive.

misdee · 13/05/2006 21:55

I always check on my kids before i go to bed. i pretend i am tucking them in but really i am checking they are breathing. My dh is at risk of Sudden Death, so when he is home i used to check his breathing as well. One night i woke up and he wasnt moving or snoring, and he felt cold, i jabbed him in the side that time Blush the covers had fallen off te bed. ooops. he wasnt impressed.

hub2dee · 13/05/2006 22:01

LOL, misdee !

misdee · 13/05/2006 22:02

i have also slapped his chest before now.

Seriously tho, its is rather worrying. and painful for him when he gets prodded by me.