Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

House of TT sleep problem last night....

14 replies

lazeemum · 09/05/2006 12:02

New poster, please be nice.
Is it really so bad to let your 3.5yr old dd sleep in your bed every night? Is it really going to damage them developmentally etc? Surely they will grow out of it?
I'm having a little confidence wobble now after last night's programme. My dd starts of in her own bed, but will always end up in our bed. I can't bs arsed to get up, put her back countless times, have my, her and dp's sleep disrupted.
Dp will sleep in the (rather comfy) spare bed.
Any, um, extra-curricular activities will happen there. Not often I admit, but we have been together 15 years.
BTW, my mother told me that i was exactly the same as a small child, but i grew out of it.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 09/05/2006 12:03

I know someone whose kids do this, and they grow out of it. If it's working for you, don't worry about it.

JackieNo · 09/05/2006 12:04

I think it's only a problem if you're finding it a problem (IYKWIM). If it doesn't bother you, it's not a problem.

compo · 09/05/2006 12:06

It had me in tears last night how distressed the little girl was. Not sure if it's wrong or not, just very very sad. I guess if they just left it she would eventually become too old to want to sleep in her dad's bed? Maybe when she went to school

brimfull · 09/05/2006 12:07

I'd buy a huge bed if I had this problem.Did you see how many times they had to put her back...200 something!!

brimfull · 09/05/2006 12:09

My dd went through a phase of getting scared at night and coming in to our bedroom,it was after we were burgled during the night ,she was about 5/6.We endedup putting her sleeping bag on the floor next to the bed and would find her there in the morning.She grew out of it eventually.

Bugsy2 · 09/05/2006 12:25

Agree with those who say that its only a problem if you don't want your child in bed with you.
I wasn't upset by last night's TT. The girl was distressed because she wasn't getting her own way, not because anyone was doing anything nasty or cruel to her.
All children will eventually grow out of wanting to sleep in a parent's bed. By 8 or 9 most will want their own space. Lazeemum, it is nice that your dp is prepared to get up every night and get in the spare bed - not everyone would be happy to do that & I suppose it is for those people that a child coming in every night is a problem.

Bobalina · 09/05/2006 13:14

My dd sleeps with dh and I sleep in "her room". Ours is a carbon copy of the TTs family. But we keep at it because as I say, "dd SLEEPS with dh and I SLEEP...." It works for us.(dd is 2.5). I swing from being scared by what Tanya says re developmental damage etc, to feeling defiant and arguing that what we do is fine. Until I can be totally convinced otherwise, I will stick with our routine.

rummum · 09/05/2006 13:21

I loved the way Tanya understood that familys dessission (sp) on why they allowed it to happen..
the father had little to do with the girl when she was a baby.. and they showed a clip where he cuddled her in bed like you would a baby..
He also didn't want more children so having that sleeping arrangment put an end to that as well..

I don't think they were cruel by putting her back to bed like that... I reckon in a couple of days she will be sleeping in her own bed...

SANA · 09/05/2006 15:26

I think u should do what u r happy with. I have to b honest I was nearly in tears watching the little girl last night but 4 them its only a problem because they r not happy with it. If u r happy with your sleeping arrangments then thers no need to chage that. I know someone who still has there 5 year old in bed and the dad sleeps on the floor!!

Original poster

lazeemum · 09/05/2006 15:28

My dd is a very happy child, although she has her moments of defiance like any other child. We co-slept all night whilst breast feeding, so that is why she still finds it comforting to sleep with me.
I must admit that i didn't find it distressing to watch the girl on HOTT, she'll be fine.
I have tried sleep training before, but i don't stick with it, because it just dosen't seem that important.
Also, the boy who has 'selective mutism' - isn't that just being a bit shy? I've never heard of that before.

OP posts:

emkana · 09/05/2006 21:00

I didn't watch it, but am v. curious - what exactly did Dr. Tanya say about co-sleeping?

ScummyMummy · 09/05/2006 21:09

I think that couple have massive relationship problems and that's the core reason why the little girl was in their bed.

nearlythree · 09/05/2006 21:18

I was in tears last night too, but I think her parents did the right thing - I don't actually think the little girl was happy needing her mummy and esp. her daddy so much, and also not having any boundaries. This was born out tonight when she went straight to sleep, no tears, no rapid returns, on her own. It reminds me very much of what we went through with dd1, I co-slept with her until dd2 was born and then did gradual withdrawl, and it was so much healthier all round - had I not had dd2 as a reason to sort things I think I would have clung on to dd1's babyhood for a long time and found it very hard to let her go. It only took three days' and dd1 loves her bed and is a fab sleeper. Stupidly though I'm now having almost a repeat situation with dd2, caused mostly by her bfeeding to sleep, but compounded by my emotional reaction both to a recent bereavement and dd2 being ill in hospital - I can't bear to let her cry and she goes loopy of I try to leave her with my fab dh - but she is going to have to be left soon as ds is due in the next week or two. I am not saying that this is the case for everyone, I am a fan of co-sleeping in some situations, and don't agree with leaving children (esp tinies) to cry, but I know that at least part of the reason that both our dds co-slept with me for so long is because of my inability to separate from them emotionally. I have no intention of allowing my feelings to hamper ds in the same way.

Interestingly, dh thought last night's sleep training was cruel, but he hasn't seen tonight's episode yet.

Highlander · 10/05/2006 14:49

I hate CC, but I agree that the parents were using their DD to avoid discussing their own relationship issues. I really admire them for carrying it through - to go cold turkey like that must have been hell.

PMSL at night 2 though - what a turnaround! "Mummy, don't talk so loud". " Mummy, stop reading, I want to go to sleep". Bless her

Flip